1. The Annoying Houseguest
A college buddy comes to town and needs to crash at your place -- leaving you with no time alone.
Yup, you got Dupree-ed. And even if your guest isn't as cute or crazy as Owen Wilson's character, it's important that you both agree on some factors before he arrives.
The Rule: Discuss how long the visit can be and what you'll expect from your guest (help with dinner, cleaning up his stuff). Then lay down these laws with your crasher. During the visit, be your normal selves and get as much couple time as possible -- even if you do have an on-looker. We're not suggesting PDA. But cooking together, taking walks after dinner, calling each other by your nicknames -- these are all things that will help you feel like your life wasn't rudely interrupted. And before turning in for the night, instead of watching TV for an extra hour, go to bed, close the door, and talk privately about your days. This will give you the alone time you'll crave. If it's an extended visit, give your guest a key and continue with your normal life. Coworkers going out for drinks? You're there. A date with your mate? Plan one as often as you can, without being rude. Just let your guest know -- so um, he doesn't have dinner waiting!
2. The Meddling In-law
Your mate's mom calls almost every night and is trying to plan a visit -- even though she just saw you!
The reality of marriage is that you two promised to honor your families as well as each other when you said "I will." You might need to rein in the mother-in-law, but also make an effort to build the bond she's desperately trying to create.
The Rule: The spouse with the closest bloodline does the dirty work. You each need to establish boundaries with your own moms while agreeing to meet up every month or so. This will let you grow stronger as a couple without leaving your families in the lurch. And the next time you're waiting for take-out or flipping channels, give the mother-in-law a call or send an email. Keep her up on what's going on with you, sharing whatever you feel comfortable with. After all, you don't want to be a stranger to her.
3. The Over-demanding Boss
Your boss is constantly piling on more work, stressing you out and keeping you at the office so late you barely see your spouse.
As you may have figured out, you'll never be able to change your boss. So if you choose to stay in this field -- or office -- you can only work on your own habits to make sure you have a better life at home.
The Rule: Develop an understanding for what both of your jobs require from you. Talk this out once so it doesn't become a fight every time you come home past dinner. Then figure out all the personal stuff that you can stop doing at the office. Turn off IM and stop emailing friends about the upcoming high school reunion. These distractions are only keeping you at the office longer. And when you do get home, make it one-on-one time. Turn off the TV and the BlackBerry and focus on each other.
4. The Joneses
You know who we're talking about: The couple across the street who has the perfect everything -- car, house, relationship -- and you can't help but feel envious of them in every way.
The competitive streak inside of you is bound to come out when your perfect neighbors in the perfect house buy the car of your dreams. This jealousy is bound to turn into spousal resentment, so take a new approach.
The Rule: Every time you feel the rage of envy building inside of you, remember: The grass in their yard is only greener because you can't see over their fence. Yup, they've got issues too, possibly just more hidden than yours. So next time you want to rant at your mate for not pampering you like your princess neighbor, focus on your couple's fortes. Then do something to build on that. You love to laugh? Reminisce about some funny stories from when you first met and talk about how you're so much happier now. You're spontaneous? Prove it tonight. The way you click just might make the Joneses themselves jealous.
[Nestpert] Dr. Michael Broder, author of Can Your Relationship be Saved?
by The Nest Editors
4/23/08
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couple issues,
Love/Sex