1. Money can create big problems for a couple. How do you handle your finances together?
a. We merged our money and talk about our financial goals often.
b. We take a “yours, mine, and ours” approach to our bank accounts.
c. We keep our money separate. I don’t trust anyone with my savings!
2. Since you’ve married, family and friends have been asking the big question: When are you having a baby? Your response:
a. We’ve talked about it and have a time frame in mind, but it’s not happening right now.
b. I can’t wait! Now I just have to convince you know who.
c. Sure, that’s exactly what I need -- two kids in the house.
3. If you had to rate your sex life, you’d say:
a. It’s even hotter now! Being husband and wife is a major turn-on.
b. It’s the same as it’s always been -- comfy and cozy.
c. Ho-hum. We’re busy with work and setting up our new home, so we’re pretty tired at night.
4. It’s Friday night! You can’t wait to…
a. Order in some takeout, curl up on the couch with your sweetie, and watch a DVD.
b. Meet up with another couple for dinner.
c. Go barhopping with friends.
5. If either you or your spouse were asked to take on a special project at work -- which meant more travel time and longer hours -- how would you come to a decision?
a. I would discuss the opportunity with my spouse, then make a joint decision.
b. I would take my spouse’s feelings into consideration, but ultimately make the final decision by myself.
c. I would make a somewhat independent decision based on my career and money.
6. It’s Sunday morning, and without warning, your mother-in-law has shown up once again. When she leaves, what do you say to your spouse?
a. “Honey, I like spending time with your mom, but could you ask her to at least call before coming over?”
b. “I think it’s really inconsiderate of her to keep doing this. You need to talk to her about it -- or I will!”
c. “She is driving me crazy! The next time she comes over, I’m out of here!”
7. You feel that your spouse regards your advice as:
a. Always valuable -- even if he/she doesn’t always take it.
b. Occasionally helpful, but more often he/she sees it as an unwelcome interference.
c. Little as possible! He/she’s pretty decisive and doesn’t like to feel controlled.
8. When having a big argument, you tend to:
a. Talk things out until we’ve come to some sort of agreement. We don’t believe in going to bed angry!
b. Agree to walk away until we’ve both cooled down. Both of us can hit below the belt when angry, so it’s best we talk it over the next day.
c. Give each other the silent treatment for the next week. The first one to back down loses!
9. You come home to find a sink full of dirty dishes. You…
a. Try to remember whose turn it is to clean up. We like to divvy up the household chores evenly.
b. Grab a sponge and start scrubbing. If I don’t do it, no one will.
c. Walk away. I can’t clean up after him/her again.
10. As far as your spouse’s pals go, you…
a. Enjoy hanging out with them -- they’re my buddies too.
b. Can take ‘em or leave ‘em. I hang with them to make my mate happy.
c. Would rather get a root canal than deal with that crew.
COUPLE SCORECARD
Mostly As: Your relationship is a best seller.
“You’re working as a team to make your marriage as strong as possible,” says relationship expert Gilda Carle, PhD, author of Don’t Bet on the Prince! Although you appear to be on the same page about most issues, keep in mind that there are roadblocks in every relationship, so don’t rest on your dynamic duo laurels. Some tough challenges are proof that your relationship is maturing instead of standing in place, so look at them as an opportunity to get even closer.
Try this: To make sure you stay on the same page, set aside a 20-minute block each week to talk about your relationship -- and don’t let anything interfere with that time. Pick the one thing that has gotten under your respective skins so the conversation stays focused and productive.
Mostly Bs: You could use some relationship CliffsNotes.
We know -- married life is hard, so it’s easy to sometimes lose sight of what brought the two of you together in the first place (good looks, sweet gestures, or a passion for Depeche Mode). Good thing it’s never too late for a refresher course. To put yourselves on the way to a happily ever after right now, “simply create a fair balance between the me, you, and us part of your relationship,” says Dr. Carle.
Try this: Studies show that couples who have at least a few interests and hobbies in common have the strongest marriages. Whether it’s playing a round of golf or enjoying a wine-tasting, choose an activity each month that the both of you will love doing together. And stick to the schedule -- no excuses. Could there be any easier advice than to have fun?
Mostly Cs: You need to buy a user’s manual now.
Calm down -- you’re not headed for divorce court! All you need to do is start hearing each other. That doesn’t mean you’ll be in automatic agreement, but at least you’ll start to understand each other’s point of view.
Try this: If your spouse is complaining about something to you, repeat back what the person just said to you, says Dr. Carle. This simple psych tactic does two things. One, it lets your partner know you’re listening; two, it forces you to understand what your other half is saying because you’re focusing on the words. Sorry, that’s not all you need to do. Coming up with a communication style is key.
by The Nest Editors
6/26/08
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couple issues,
Love/Sex