I love having friends. Really, I do. And I'm a good friend as well. But inevitably there's someone who gets on my nerves. Like a still-single girlfriend I'd donate an organ to...if only she would stop complaining about never finding Mr. Right (does it have to be analyzed every time we hang out?). Then there's the buffoon my husband calls his best friend -- and even worse, the self-absorbed chick he married!
I know I'm not perfect. And I'm not making my case any better by publicly complaining about people I call friends. It's just that sometimes I have to be in the right mood to deal. Here's how I maneuvered around some frustrating friends.
Method 1:
Get out of it! You know the friend you love who married someone dreadful? In my case it's my husband's buddy, who has a wife I shall call the Ice Queen. No bones about it: This woman is cold. I need a parka in her presence. When we're invited to meet up with them for brunch (hardly her idea), I suggest that my husband go alone. I try not to seem rude -- in fact, I encourage him to make it about guy bonding. They don't see each other often (her idea, I'm sure), and I come off as the understanding wife who doesn't try to step in on his social outings. This would also be a perfect time to get my brows waxed, the car waxed, the floor waxed -- all of the things I had been meaning to do but haven't yet had the time.
Method 2:
Invite them along. We have this friend...let's call him Chip. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. He's also the biggest talker you'll ever encounter -- and he's kinda gross. He's funny and warm and loves to hang out with us, but his social filter is clogged. Sometimes I don't think he even knows we're talking. So how do I balance seeing him without being sick of him? My plan has two parts: First, I suggest we widen the circle and ask some mutual friends to join us for a day of Chip. There's strength in numbers. The more people there who have things to say, the less Chip will get a chance to speak. It's also easier to say, "Eww, stop telling that story!" when others are making lighthearted gagging noises to back you up. Second: We don't do dinner. It makes for a captive audience, which I don't want Chip to have. Instead, we actually
do something. Bowling was a perfect choice to keep everyone active, and it provided lots of things for everyone to chat about.
Method 3:
Suck it up, sucka. Even though this seems to be the most honest approach, it's the most difficult for me. I don't like to waste my time with people who ignite my short fuse. I love my friend, Cat, and have known her since grade school. But she has a big chip on her shoulder about being single. As if her pity party isn't enough, she's not a woman of action: She'd rather lament about the lack of suitable dates than actually go out and meet men. This time I decide to prepare myself for her onslaught of relationship issues and remind myself to take deep breaths.
As soon as she started in on her date deficit, my whole body tensed up, and I wanted to flee. I wanted to shake her and tell her to shut up! But then I thought back to that time in high school when we took a pottery class together and made funny busts of each other. It reminded me that it's possible to have fun with Cat, and that we all go through ups and downs. I diverted the conversation to her new boots, last week's episode of Scrubs, chocolate cake. I wanted to talk about anything (even her dog's eczema) except her love life.
by The Nest Editors
2/11/08
See more:
couple issues,
Love/Sex