You've operated at full tilt for months, consumed by your wedding and all its planning. Now suddenly, it's over. This absence can actually leave a hole in your life. Jane Greer, PhD and a marriage and family therapist in New York City, explains how you can fend off the postwedding blues.
Step 1: Take a Break
Now that the focus is off of your wedding, don't think of it as being out of the spotlight; think of it as an opportunity to connect. "The honeymoon was a time to acclimate to life as a couple and to learn how to unite your priorities, desires, and decisions," says Dr. Greer. But just because you're not in Maui doesn't mean you can stop building a bond. "It's imperative to plan time for just the two of you -- no friends, family, or work -- to continue to invest in your marriage," she says. Whether it's a scheduled Wednesday dinner date or Sunday in bed with the crossword puzzle, agree to set aside a few hours to be a "we."
Step 2: Be Real
Building a life isn't going to happen overnight. Give yourself enough time to get used to the marriage. "No matter what kind of marriage your parents or friends have, you need to define what's important to the two of you," says Dr. Greer. Don't feel disappointed if your husband can't fix things around the house or cook a gourmet dinner. A wedding band does not make him "Super Husband," just as it doesn't make you "Super Wife."
Step 3: Talk It Out
Talking with others about your feelings is good therapy: Organize a night out with friends and vent. It's key to be able to dish to the girls about annoying little things your husband does, like leaving his socks on the floor or generally being a pain (it happens sometimes). But when it comes to confronting him, you should pick and choose your chats. "Speak to your husband if you have a potpourri of negative feelings -- being overwhelmed or overloaded, or if your needs aren't being met," says Dr. Greer. "If you hold these feelings in, they won't go away; they'll just turn into bad behavior, so he'll find out one way or another that you're not happy." Sit down and ask him how both of you can act differently to make the situation better. Still need to kvetch? Head to our message boards.
Step 4: Go Solo
Now that you've got a handle on "we," don't forget about "me." "Spending time alone will help you maintain your sense of being an individual and allows you to decompress," says Dr. Greer. "Don't feel guilty that you want to enjoy activities without him." When you come back and share the details of your bike ride or the movie you saw with your friend, it adds another dimension to your marriage. He'll feel as rejuvenated as you do, and that leads to lots of kissing, right?
>> Get ideas for arranging your wedding photos
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Photo: Flashes Photography
by Grace Jidoun
6/25/08
See more:
couple issues,
Love/Sex