Q.
We saved ourselves for marriage, the honeymoon was barely lukewarm, and now, seven months later, he'd rather masturbate. When we do have sex, he gets all jittery and tense, and the whole thing isn't enjoyable. I've tried talking to him, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Are we destined for a horrible sex life?
A.
There could be many reasons why he finds sex either a stressful or a negative experience. Without him opening up, it'll be hard for you to work this out. However, it would definitely be worthwhile to find out what he enjoys about masturbation. It may be that he's embarrassed to tell you the sort of stimulation he likes, so he relies on masturbation for sexual release.
Tell him you'd love to learn how to masturbate him. Take it slowly and make this suggestion when you're both relaxed. At first he might feel a bit nervous showing you what he does. Hopefully he'll learn to relax and realize you simply want to please him.
Once you get him to open up, you can let him know the sort of touch and stimulation you like too. If this doesn't work, I suggest marriage counseling.
Nestpert: Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
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