You Asked:
Before we got married, I noticed that my husband started to put on some weight. He says he can't stand the way his body looks and that it's just too much work for him to get aroused. Do you have any suggestions?
Dr. Pam Answers:
This is such a common problem. Your husband has ended up in a vicious cycle: The less desirable he feels, the more likely he is to "comfort" eat to feel better, which is causing him to put on extra weight and feel less desirable.
The good news is that this cycle can be broken with love, understanding, and a new household regime. Begin by getting him out for some fun exercise. Start with something gentle -- like going for walks -- then take up an active hobby together, like dancing, swimming, tennis, sailing, or whatever you two enjoy or think you'll enjoy.
After you've got some activity built into your regular schedule, tackle your cupboards! Stop buying fatty or sugary items, and make sure your fridge and cupboards are stocked with healthy foods instead.
Next, focus on his body image. He seems to talk to you about it already, which means this conversation has opened up. Ask him to turn to you for a quick pep talk when he feels down -- just a phone call or email. Once he learns to talk rather than feed his emotions, he'll be on a better path.
As for your sex life, keep talking. As he starts feeling better, having sex may become more appealing. Emphasize your supportiveness of him and ask in return that he show you more affection and love. Make it clear that you'd like there to be a compromise -- that you experience a variety of feelings, so sometimes you might be happy with some sex-play and foreplay rather than full penetrative sex. A happy sexual relationship between you will be one where you understand each other's needs and are prepared to give and take when necessary.
And if you're really worried about his depression, have your husband check it out with his doctor. Once he's a bit more active, eating better, and talking more, he may start to naturally feel better. But if he's still depressed, he may need further treatment through his doctor.
>> Read more of Dr. Pam's advice
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
by The Nest Editors
6/30/08
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