Q.
I'm very stressed out, and sometimes when we start having sex, I lose my focus, and we have to stop. What can I do?
A.
You can't treat the symptoms; you have to treat your anxiety problem! I hope you've spoken to your healthcare professional about your anxiety. If not, you need to do so. In the meantime, keep an anxiety diary in which you note down the anxious periods during your day. After a week, you may find it helps you identify your anxiety peaks. Most people who suffer from anxiety problems have a distinct pattern. Perhaps you worry more at bedtime, on waking, or toward the end of your day. Once you've identified your peaks, you need to tackle what causes them. For example, do you have anxious thoughts about not finishing your jobs during the day? Try doing some self-affirmations, saying to yourself, "Why am I worrying? I've achieved lots today! The rest doesn't matter!"
Once you've come to grips with your anxiety, the symptoms of your anxiety -- like your lack of sexual desire -- will start to diminish. In the meantime, play a game where you pretend to be someone completely different without a care in the world. You're allowed to feel that way for one hour only. Give yourself permission to shut out anything you worry about and agree on this plan with your husband. By letting go for that one hour, you may find that you can shut out the anxieties you're working to solve.
Nestpert: Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
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