You Asked:
My husband masturbates every day -- often when I'm at home with him! How can I make my husband choose me over masturbation?
Dr. Pam Answers:
First, it's important to realize that his masturbation is probably the habit of a lifetime, so he doesn't see it as a problem but rather as completely natural. Many men use masturbation as much for tension release as for sexual pleasure. That said, you should think about whether this is simply a tension release "exercise" for him, or if he does it for sexual pleasure.
If it's a tension release for him, have a tactful, loving conversation about him trying other things to relax -- like going to the gym or participating in sports.
If he masturbates for sexual pleasure, then you need to have honest, tactful, unheated conversations about how this makes you feel. Try to get to the bottom of why he masturbates frequently, and then you can start to move forward. It's important for him to gain more empathy about your feelings. You can try the approach of asking him how he'd feel if you masturbated daily and then ignored him in bed. The goal is to get him to put himself in your shoes.
I always say that masturbation isn't a problem unless it's upsetting a relationship -- as it is in your case.
>> Read more of Dr. Pam's advice
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
by The Nest Editors
6/30/08
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