Q.
My husband doesn't last more than five minutes during sex. Is there a way to make him last longer?
A.
It's a fantastic thing when a man is so aroused by his partner that he can't wait to have his pleasure. Fantastic for him, that is! Because where does that leave his partner? High and dry and sexually frustrated. You two have been together for enough years that he should learn how to keep going for longer so you can have as much pleasure as he does.
Here are a few things to try. First, I want you to recognize that this won't change overnight. Instead, it'll probably come in stages or small steps. To begin with, don't treat it as a criticism of him. Instead, when the timing is right and you're cuddled up together, tell him that you'd like to “draw things out.” Be playful and let him know what you’d like him to do to you. The majority of men love to be given intimate instructions. The more detail you put into this, the more likely he'll please you. While holding his hand, show him the sorts of pressures and caresses you want. You can even suck his finger to show him the pressure you'd like on different parts of your body.
When he's focused on your pleasure, he'll be less focused on his own. You can stroke his hair, his back, his chest -- but don't stimulate his penis or testicles. It'd be a very positive step to ask him to bring you to orgasm before you even have penetrative sex. He can use his mouth, his hands, and/or a vibrator. Once you've had your first orgasm, you can then start penetrative sex. Try to get him to last longer by changing positions or the things you're doing -- without even telling him; this will actually slow him down. Imagine you're in the missionary position, and then you teasingly tell him how much you'd like to try doggy-style. By simply moving around to behind you, he stops getting immediate stimulation.
Finally, if he learns to strengthen his PC muscles (the ones he uses to stop himself from urinating), he can pulsate those when he's getting near to his own climax and slow down his orgasm. He can repeat this pulsing as often as he wants during penetration. Let him know it'll make his orgasm more powerful when he gives into the desire -- a great incentive to draw it out!
Nestpert: Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
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