You Asked:
My husband has a small-penis complex even though we have a great sex life. What can I do?
Dr. Pam Answers:
Men believe that penis size is a sign of how masculine they are. Traditionally, men are competitive -- at sports, at work, in the gym, and over women -- and this extends to penis size, where they want to measure up to others. Since he's worried about his size, you need to encourage him to become the "king of foreplay" and pleasure you with loads of kissing and caressing that'll get you aroused. Let him know that that's what's going to get you excited rather than his penis size. Repeat this message whenever he needs reassurance. But it's also important not to pander to his insecurity by getting involved in long conversations about it. That's when you're likely to say something accidentally hurtful. Also, give him the hard facts: It's the first three inches of your vagina that have the most nerve endings, so all he needs is three inches when erect to stimulate them!
Ask him to take his time pleasuring you with his fingers, lips, and mouth. He'll need to know how much this pleases you to allay his penis-size worries. He can take his time fingering around your clitoris as you tell him what will bring you to orgasm.
Then, for penetration, choose positions that will create more friction. The best positions for maximum stimulation include the "C.A.T." (or the coital alignment technique, where you lie on top with your legs between his thighs -- this tightens your thighs around his penis). Or do it doggy style with him behind, but push your bottom up high to tighten your vaginal muscles. Or he should sit on the edge of the bed with you on top facing him for deep penetration.
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Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure