Q.

A.

In the '70s, people went to parties where they dumped their car keys into a bowl, randomly chose a set at the end of the evening, and went home with a surprise partner. Sometimes people partied together in a more classic orgy style. Many couples, however, broke up over this because they hadn't set ground rules.

Nowadays, swingers tend to agree as a couple what goes and what doesn't go! For example, one couple might agree that they don't kiss others but do everything else. Or they might agree the wife does girl-on-girl but not with other men, etc. For couples with an extremely strong sense that they can separate sex from their marriage, these ground rules help make it work. There's always a danger, however, that one gets jealous or ends up feeling insecure.

If you do try it, ensure both of you want to, set some ground rules, and only have safe sex. You should have an agreement that if one of you gets cold feet, you'll stop. Most couples also set a rule restricting contact to swingers parties, which helps contain any negative effects -- like falling for someone else. Be warned: Swinging isn't for the faint-hearted!

Nestpert: Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

See More: Sex Q&A