Love and Sex - Love and Sex Relationship Guides - Love and Sex Article

Pets Are Good for Your Heart

Holly — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:30:00 GMT

According to a new study by researchers at Kitasato University in Kanagawa, Japan, pet owners seem to have healthier and more agile hearts than people without pets. In the study, those who owned pets seemed to have a higher "heart rate variability." Translation: Those folks responded better "to the body's changing requirements, such as beating faster during stressful situations. Reduced heart rate variability, on the other hand, has been linked to a higher risk of dying from heart disease," says the report on Reuters.com.

While these findings are particularly exciting for Jack and me (we're oh-so-proud of Bernard, our little pug, it doesn't give us much in the way of definitive evidence that we're going to live to 100 (our personal goal, of course). The study focused on just a snapshot in time -- one day in the lives of the respondents -- and it didn't include questions about what kind of pet they had, so there's still tons of research left to do on the topic.

All I know is that because we have a dog, we're happier. How can you not be happy when you have a perpetual butt-wagging greeter at your door when you come home each day? And we get out more -- that little guy needs to be walked a lot!

Does your little one make you feel happier and healthier too?

Brain Scans Could Reveal Your Relationship's Lasting Power

Jack — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 09:30:00 GMT

Your brain might know more about your relationship than you do. When we're in love, we tend to act a bit off (I, for one, became quite awkward). You start imagining the future, and apparently, your brain can tell you whether you'll ever reach that utopian point in your relationship, according to a Yahoo News report I recently came across.

It talked about a new study put on by a postdoctoral fellow at Brown University School of Medicine that reported that brain scans from newly smitten subjects can indicate how long their current relationship will last. "Among the people whose relationships became long-term, looking at a picture of their beloved caused a decrease in activity in regions [of their brains] that we associate with making judgments, and also a decrease in activity in systems associated with a person's sense of self." Translation: Those people didn't judge their partners; in fact, they tended to overrate them (Holly and I judge each other all the time, so…). Also, that person's interests tend to fall by the wayside, and they give great importance to their partner's hobbies and desires.

I can understand these qualifiers when you're talking about new love or even a relationship that's a few years old. But when we're talking about marriage, I imagine the scans would change a bit. If I had kept idolizing Holly, I'm not sure how healthy of a relationship we'd have. On top of that, we both need our hobbies, both separately and together, to keep things interesting. Otherwise, we'd have little to occupy the hours -- and we'd probably not have much to talk about.

Another study was conducted by a postdoctoral researcher at Cornell University about newlywed couples, both during their wedding planning process and after one year of marriage. According to the study, "It's true that when people show nonjudgment in the beginning of their relationships, that helps them to get hooked on that person. That's okay in the beginning, but later, it's important to see things clearly when you're stepping into a lifelong commitment." In other words, newlyweds and married couples have heightened activity in the areas of the brain that were previously showing decreased signals. Somewhere along the line, things change for your brain in a relationship.

It's interesting that the same areas of the brain, the one that shows sense of self and the one that we associate with making judgments, can point to successful relationships—but with completely opposite results.

What do you think about this? Do you think your brain would show these same results with you and your significant other?

Our Reality TV-Inspired Valentine’s Day

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 10:00:00 GMT

Last year, I turned into a Valentine's Day devil. Think Bridezilla, but worse. I'll be the first to admit my actions were out of line. This year, to avoid a rerun, Dave asked me to plan. So I did.

The one positive outcome of Stephanie's actions from last year's Valentine's Day was that I was off the hook for this year. I said, "Hey, why don't you plan V-Day?" and was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was down for it.

We love the TV show The Bachelor. (Dave, fess up.) To keep the mood light, I decided to give him a "date card" instead of revealing our V-Day plans. All it said was, “Let's remember the old and experience something new.” He had NO clue!

Okay! I like The Bachelor! Sue me! It's the best comedy on TV. Now, you're probably thinking: It's not a comedy. Well, you're not watching it the right way! Putting these women in a totally artificial setting, watching them "fall in love" with the same guy and then get reduced to hysterical tears when it SHOCKINGLY doesn't work out? That's comedy!

I told the cabbie to take us to Times Square. We turned the corner onto Broadway, and with a huge smile and a Vanna White ta-da hand gesture, I pointed to the bright sign for "Counter Burger" and shouted, "Something old!"

Stephanie and I really miss our days in California. The fact that she brought me to Counter for Valentine's Day was really nice on two fronts. First, it's a place that we frequented right on Sunset Boulevard, within walking distance of our LA apartment, so it was quite nostalgic. Second, I LOVE burgers! For Stephanie to choose a place that wasn't romantic in the typical sense actually made it romantic. I appreciated it.

Dave got a rose at the end of the meal (continuing The Bachelor theme), and then we were off to do something new! We'd always talked about going to see live jazz. So four blocks away, at an old New York speakeasy, we danced and listened to Vince Giordano and the Nighthawks play tunes from the 1920s and '30s! While not jazz per se, it was quite awesome.

For those of you unfamiliar with them, Vince Giordano and the Nighthawks had won a Grammy two nights prior. They're the 15-piece band that appears in HBO's Boardwalk Empire, playing swing music from the Prohibition era. It was great. The whole night was.

I'm confident Dave couldn't have been more surprised and thrilled when we showed up at a burger joint. I know, because he mentioned it during his toast. Thing is, I was equally happy. I managed to look past the “Hallmark holiday” and focus on what it's all really about -- us. And there was nothing better than reflecting on our LA memories and making new ones!

Stephanie did a great job and truly threw me a curveball. I was definitely expecting some sort of dark, trendy New York City spot that she'd recently seen on the Kardashians' show or read about in some article entitled "World's Most Expensive Brunch." But she stepped out of her comfort zone, and I truly appreciated it. The night was less about being able to tell other people what we did on Valentine's Day and more about the two of us enjoying ourselves. Oh, and I also received a pair of undies with hearts on them!

Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a writer and stand-up comedian in New York City. Visit his website, DaveSiegel.com, and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).

Churches Are Holding Speed-Dating Events

Holly — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 09:00:00 GMT

As I'm sure you all know, I wouldn't label myself as religious -- so I always find reading about religion particularly interesting. When I saw the headline on WashingtonPost.com about churches encouraging singles to engage in relationships, you know it got my click. What I read was that churches in Washington, DC, are not only promoting, but are arranging what I can only describe as mixers or the modern church's idea of speed dating.

According to the article, houses of worship are playing key roles in the dating scene, apparently trying to lead couples away from such popular online sites like Match.com and OkCupid.com, and toward the old-school way of meeting people -- in person. They're holding seminars and discussions in conjunction with these events to help "nurture healthy relationships and put off sex until marriage, among other concerns." The events are now so popular in the area that it's becoming a trend for people to "church shop" to find the hottest dates.

I'm all for some good wholesome fun -- and from what my single friends tell me, online dating can be a jungle. But I can't help it -- these church mixers sound like they have all the romantic appeal of a chaperoned seventh-grade school dance. "Church officials monitored the party, ready to step in if necessary. A video camera was also keeping an eye out," says the article. We're talking about consenting adults, well into their 20s and 30s, being watched over like they're little children. I like the intention of the church -- a real-life alternative to cyber dating. Good old-fashioned meeting people. But the execution? They might want to make it a little less PG-13. You know, lose the guardians -- and the Big Brother-esque cameras.

What do you think about these modern-day church mixers? Do they stand a chance, or are they a little too last-generation for singles today?

We Wrote Our Own Wedding Vows!

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

I, Dave, take you Stephanie to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and until the day I die. I will always laugh with you and only occasionally at you. *When I do laugh at you, if it is in public, I will do my best to create the illusion that it is with you.
I promise to be there with you through the toughest of the trials in our life and to cry with you. These trials do not include things like the first ten minutes of the movie "Up" or YouTube footage of soldiers being reunited with their daughters. You're crying on your own with those.
Just like anyone else who meets you for the first time, I was immediately captured by your piercing blue eyes.   But unlike everyone else, I was the only one who got your phone number shoved into my pocket 15 minutes later as you were clearly playing 'hard to get.'
I vow to love you through the difficult and the easy. I promise to never put you or myself in danger. This means that I will never come between you and a mirror. I will also never force you to eat spicy food with me, as I did on one of our first dates. I later found out that you were clenching your cheeks the whole night and managed to keep all but one of them in. (There was a 1 a.m. squeaker that got loose.)
What I admire most about you is your determination and strive. You're a reporter in the #1 media market in the country at age 28. That takes determination -- but stamping your foot when you don't get your way is no longer cute after age nine. Seriously, you need to stop that.
I look forward to being a married man and starting a new chapter in my life. For starters no longer referring to it as "my life" but "our life." I look forward to being the best father I can be and helping you to be the best mother.
This is my solemn vow to you today as I make you my wife.
All of my love,
David

David, you make loving easy. For starters, you're the best roomie I've ever had. Living in sin, without our parents blessings, is totally worth it. I now know you are able to deal with my annoying habits. And I've discovered that you have very few. You pick up my half-empty coffee cups that I leave around the house, you make me breakfast on the weekends and you always know where my cell phone and keys are when I go into full panic mode and scream that someone stole them.

With you I have learned to take it slow -- although I could have dealt with getting to this altar a little faster. While you may have the pulse of a hybernating bear at times, your 'It will all work out' attitude has helped me get through the tough times and cry less during the bad. When we met, all I knew was that you made me laugh and you had a dorky look, which I thought was hot. Only time would allow me to see your true colors. You're generous, loving, sensitive, kind, an insomniac and a lover of daily man baths and boxer dogs. I fell in love with you during a Jersey Shore marathon in L.A. Good thing you didn't hold my Italian heritage against me.

I promise with all my heart to love you when times are good and bad. When you need someone to lean on when works get tough, when you're sore on Monday from sitting in the same position all day during Sunday football and when men hit on you as you walk my Pomeranian, I will always be your gal. I promise to only make you watch some reality TV -- the Kardashians at best -- and will not force you to eat super foods more than a few times a week.

When I'm scared you make me feel safe. When I'm sad you make me smile. There has yet to be a day where we haven't laughed together. I never want there to be one.

I take you to be my husband, the father of my children and best friend until death do us part. Just keep your distance for one week per month!

Love,

Stephanie

Couples Who Live Together Are Happier Than Married Couples

Holly — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 09:30:00 GMT

Cornell University's College of Human Ecology just published a study about cohabitation vs. marriage and how it affects our well-being. Let's look at the facts from the USAToday.com article: The study followed 2,737 single men and women over six years. Nearly 900 of them got married or began living with their partner. Apparently, the people who ended up simply living together were happier and had higher levels of self-esteem than those who got married, but that effect faded over time. People who eventually got married reported better overall health compared with those who cohabited, which is probably because of the benefits of marriage (like health insurance).

What I think they severely overlooked is the appeal of a ring. Sure, maybe not everyone is cut out for marriage, or even looking to ever settle down, but I can almost promise that most of those women who were cohabitating and not marrying still wanted a diamond to call their own. And I don't blame them! I will say that, because I'm married (and this even happen when Jack and I just lived together), I don't see my single (or dating) friends as often as I used to, and I don't keep in touch with my family as much.

The study brings up an interesting question in our society: Are we actually better off married? While it's clear that there aren't as many monetary benefits to getting married nowadays, perhaps our happiness has replaced it when it comes to measuring marriage benefits. I'll say one thing, though: It isn't for everyone. Plenty of my friends aren't married, and they're just as happy as Jack and I. Sure, those ladies might not have the diamond on their ring finger to show, but I'm sure there's plenty of jewelry to come in the future.

So what do you think -- are we better off married or just living together? Lust fades over time, but apparently so do our happiness and our self-esteem.

Don’t Go to Bed Mad

Jack — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:30:00 GMT

When Holly and I fight, it can get pretty dirty -- inevitably, she’ll bring up some ex who contacted me on Facebook and I’ll mention how her family is eccentric, and no matter how the fight started, we’ll always somehow end on the small things that bother us about each other. I’m not proud of it.

But we always try to make up before bed. Most of the time, I’ll surrender to her high-pitched yelling (because god forbid, if she resorts to tears, I’m done). I make sure to say "I love you" before we close our eyes and turn over. And I’m okay with the fact that sometimes she doesn’t say it back -- mostly because I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t get it out there, I'll toss and turn all night because we didn’t solve anything.

So when I found an article about going to bed angry on PsychologyToday.com, I was excited to get validation that my "I love you" method was the right one. Boy was I wrong. The article explains that when we become angry, our prefrontal lobes (the ones that deal with reasoning) shut down and our reptilian brain takes over. Apparently, we resort to our fight-or-flight response, which makes us less than willing to reason and think logically. So they say that it’s okay to go to bed angry, because you’re not really going to accomplish anything anyway.

I couldn’t disagree more. All I know is that when I get annoyed, my heart rate goes up, I become upset, and both of those factors don’t bode well for a good night’s sleep. Sure, when I turn to Holly and reassure her that despite everything, we’re alright, she might not feel the same way, but it's still a step in the right direction. When she wakes up the next morning, I’ve already apologized, and it’s up to her to make the next move. Tricky, right?

Plus, I do not look at our couch as a place of refuge; it’s a cold, cold place -- why would I ever willingly sleep there?

What do you guys think? Are there any ways you ease your minds after a bad fight? Do you go to bed angry? And what about the couch -- are you with me that it’s no fun winding up there for the night?

We're Dating Again

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:00:00 GMT

Chances are, if you’re reading The Nest, you’ve found a partner (like Stephanie and I have) and you know firsthand how difficult the search was. We're all familiar with George Costanza's famous "It's not you, it's me" scenario on Seinfeld -- whether you were on the giving or receiving end of that bs. My personal favorite to deliver was always, "Look, I'm just way better-looking than you, and if people are going to think that I'm marrying you for money, then you should at least have some...right?" You know, that ol' classic! Bottom line: It's hard enough to find one person. Stephanie and I are on the hunt for TWO!

Dave and I met in LA and moved to NYC for my job. While it was a great career opportunity, it meant leaving my core group of girlfriends. I have friends in New York but not a circle of girls that I can just get together with and do nothing -- and still have a great time. Case in point: We formed a book club that met once a month, and it was just about the most fun a girl could have -- and we never read one book!

I'm from New York. It's a little different for me. This has always been home, and I've always had the social crutch of both family and friends to rest on if I needed some chill time -- in my single days or even now.

It's just not the same for me. With girlfriends came boyfriends and husbands for Dave. We're not dispensing advice this week. We’re the ones who need help! We need couple friends! How do you get ’em?

The problem is, the initiation of a new couple into your lives is almost always going to come through one half of the couple. It's never mutually new. For example, I could propose that we go out with my buddy Jay and his wife, but that's really just going out with my friend and shoving Stephanie into the awkward position of seeing if she hits it off with Jay's wife. Super awkward. It's always cordial, but you can't force a true friendship.

Dave is truly great in social situations. He can be thrown into any circle of people and have something to talk about. I've brought numerous friends from work home for dinner and to some of Dave's stand-up shows, and they always hit it off. But I still know that he's hanging out with them for me.

Is there a Match.com for couples? Okay, instantly as I typed that, I realized it's the saddest idea man has ever come up with.

We're a reporter and a comedian! We have interesting lives!

Here's our ad...hit us up if you're interested:
35 y/o Male and 28 y/o Female seeking long-term nonsexual relationship with fellow cool couple. Guy must be chill and not correct me if his name is "Michael" and I call him "Mike." Girl must be willing to talk about any and everything, point or no point, sense or nonsense. Must have tolerance for loud laughs in public. Hit us up!

How did you find the perfect couple friends? Tell us here. Are you still on the prowl?

Gossiping Is Good for You!

Holly — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:00:00 GMT

A new study put out by the University of California, Berkeley, says that gossiping actually has health benefits. No, we're not talking about lowering blood pressure or the risk of cancer -- more like reducing your heart rate and stress level -- and this is only after you've gossiped about someone who did something wrong. Because that's the only thing we ever gossip about, right?

Let's ignore the fact that I, for one, gossip for the hell of it. It's not out of control, but it definitely isn't limited to wrongdoers. Sure, I'll talk about a friend of mine who cheated on her boyfriend, but I'll make sure it never gets back to either of them. Sometimes it just feels good to get something off your chest. Now that I think about it, maybe that's what they're talking about, the whole good-for-you thing?

Also found in the study: Researchers report that gossip actually "plays a critical role in the maintenance of social order." But wouldn't all the factors have to work out? One: The bad gossip gets back to the person being gossiped about. Two: The receiver of the gossip has a questionable conscience and is discouraged from behaving badly because of the gossip.

When I looked into the study further, I discovered that the researchers had covered their bases -- no surprise there. They call this type of gossip "prosocial." Turns out, researchers tested their findings in a number of different studies, and in one, the person being gossiped to was the next to interact with the wrongdoer, so the motivation for gossiping was a form of warning. I've repeatedly discouraged all of my friends from going to this one salon in New York City. I had a terrible experience there, and sure, morally they did nothing wrong, but it was bad -- as in our dog gets better haircuts bad.

So rest easy that your gossiping and scheming ways won't do you wrong; they'll actually be good for you (unless you're simply out to taint someone's name)! How do you feel about these findings? Are you going to gossip more or less?

Marriage Secrets You Should Never Share With Friends

Brooke Lea Foster — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

It feels good to vent to friends when your husband is driving you crazy. And a little complaining is fine, but once you convince friends that your husband is a jerk, they're not going to forget it. You may make up or get over your "fight du jour," but your friend may not be able to quite so easily.

8 Examples of Hilarious Men's Lingerie

The Nest Editors — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

We kind of wish this little piggy had gotten lost in the market and never found his way home.

Are You With the Right Person?

Holly — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:00:00 GMT

I believe it's only human nature to question any action we make that has the potential to change our lives drastically -- like marriage or even cohabitation. I just read an article on PsychologyToday.com about that very issue. The article suggests that perhaps people going through negative life changes like divorce and custody battles didn't look beyond the question, "Am I with the right person?" to the more important question, "How can we make the marriage or relationship better?" Like the article says: "It is the signal to grow as an individual -- to take responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being." Uh, yeah, like Jack. He's nowhere near perfect -- he always tells me to be more of an "owner" in relation to our apartment, but then he turns right back around and doesn't do the dishes. What's up with that?

When we take a step back and invest some time asking ourselves the tough questions, that's what author Rebecca Webber calls "the first day of your real marriage." We're raised to believe that there's only one "true love" for us out there (you know...Prince Charming), which often causes us to question if, indeed, we married that one person. Sure, when you look at it that way, of course you didn't! What are the odds you'd ever find them? I'll tell you: slim. When things aren't turning out all rosy, we turn to our partner and find their faults.

William Doherty, professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota, says, "No one is going to get all their needs met in a relationship." But in mature adult relationships, you should make an effort to rearrange the way you think about those needs. For instance, "I'd like Jack to spend more time going out with me instead of silently reading at home," rather than, "I'm so unhappy because he doesn't want to spend time with me."

When we're busy falling head over heels in love (and lust), we forget that the good also comes with the bad. I didn't marry just Jack's ability to make me laugh or his smokin' hot bod -- I married all of him. It's too easy to blame Jack for everything that might be wrong in our relationship, instead of pointing the blame at myself for my own discontent. In other words, marriage and relationships are about growing to become a better spouse, for both you and your spouse.

I'll be the first to admit that when I'm unhappy for some reason, I point the blame at Jack: Why can't he surprise me more; why doesn't he clean up after himself? But what about me -- maybe I should be more spontaneous, or worry more about cleaning up, since, after all, I'm the neat freak in our relationship. What about you guys -- ever looked at your relationship in this way? Admittedly, it's not exactly a novel concept, but it is something that's often overlooked in the face of finding "the one" for you instead of reassessing the one you're with.

A Valentine's Day Massacre

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 09:30:00 GMT

I hope the guys out there are making their Valentine's Day plans right about now. Because if you wait until the eleventh hour and wind up at Olive Garden, let me tell you: The phrase "at least we're together" died sometime around 1983. Coincidence that this was the year Stephanie was born? I think not!

The stakes are high for me on Valentine's Day. As a girl who received flowers from her parents each and every year until I was 26, I was relieved when our first Valentine's Day came along. No more parental pity. I figured, finally I have a man who will shower me with gifts, chocolates, flowers and a fancy dinner. Turns out, mom had to keep the flowers coming.

Stef starts to get all googly about our potential V-Day plans and gifts around the turn of the new year. The romantic in me views Valentine's Day as a fabricated holiday conjured up by companies like Hallmark so that they can sell more greeting cards, candy and chocolate after their usual Christmas profits lull. Aww.

I believe in all the bells and whistles that come with the holiday. I love it and want it. Period.

I actually consider myself to be a romantic guy. Where Stef and I butt heads is on our respective definitions of "romance." I think a designated annual day to be "romantic" is inherently unromantic. I view romance as spontaneous generosity. Every now and then, I will surprise Stef with a "mystery date." I tell her what time she needs to be ready and how she needs to dress, and we're off. It's fun for both of us because I know while Stephanie loves the mystery and spontaneity, she also hates not having information that I have, and watching her guess and squirm is entertainment for me. Past mystery dates have included a drive-in movie, an off-Broadway play and a live taping of Jerry Springer (I highly recommend the latter).

Dave's mystery dates makes me smile. They never fail, and he truly puts his heart and soul into planning. So I might sound like a total bitch when I say it's not enough. He needs to come through on Valentines Day too. I look forward to it and want it to be super-special. Yes, I expect a gift and flowers. And if money is tight or if the time to plan isn't there, well, think ahead. I do! Last year, I left the planning to him for the day (he knew I had high expectations), but I still got him a lift ticket to go snowboarding.

Last year's Valentine's Day was a disaster. I showed Stephanie the restaurant I had chosen, and it wasn't "special" enough for her. Translation: It got "$$$" in Zagat's, not "$$$$." I truly resented that, and the whole thing blew up big time. (Side note: While recently walking past the very same restaurant, Stephanie said, "Oh, this place looks good," and I worked hard to bite my tongue.)

So this year, I am taking care of the V-Day plans! But my birthday is two weeks after, and that's on Dave!

Where do you guys stand on Valentine's Day? Is romance in the air, or is it a recipe for disaster?

Smart Marriage Advice From 8 Rock-Solid Couples

Melissa Walker — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Lots of couples have regular date nights, but we have rules for ours:
1) We don’t talk about our (four) kids, but instead about our goals for the future, how things are going at our jobs -- all the things that made us fall in love in the first place. 2) We don’t cancel. My husband has been known to stand up in the middle of a meeting that’s running late at work and walk out for date night. People he works with know about it and respect it.

-- Nicole and Erik Griffiths, Porters Corners, New York, married 11 years

Heidi Klum and Seal Divorce

Holly — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:00:00 GMT

After seven years of a seemingly perfect marriage, Seal and Heidi Klum have decided to call it quits. Known for renewing their vows each anniversary in elaborate and over-the-top ways, the couple explained that they are parting on good terms. But what happened?

One of the theories about their divorce is that Heidi's overwhelming success has driven them apart. It's been reported that last year alone she raked in a cool $20 million. Did her success intimidate Seal? Honestly, it wouldn't really surprise me: Girl has got some serious abs. And thighs. And, well, everything.

On the other hand, if it's Seal's temper that pushed Heidi onto the divorce wagon (another popular theory), then more power to her. Abuse, whether it's verbal, physical or just drunken debauchery, is not acceptable, especially when there are small children around.

Whatever it is, I would say that I'm Team Heidi (just so you know where my allegiances stand, I'm still Team Aniston). Any predictions about what made them call it off? Conspiracy theories? What about the idea that Seal couldn't handle Heidi's success -- disappointing, right?

What's the Secret to a Good Relationship?

Jack — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:30:00 GMT

Recently I took a trip to visit my grandmother -- and while she’s old and rather frail, her mental capacity is anything but withering. She has very strong opinions and isn't afraid to share them. For instance, in one conversation, she said a woman should never marry the first son of a Chinese family, because the wife will soon become a slave to her mother-in-law -- how this came up, I have no idea, but how ridiculous is that?! Her proof? A story that dated back to Mao Zedong’s time. Yes -- she was referencing nearly 60 years ago.

So I just read this HuffPost opinion column about marriage that asked what's more important in a stable marriage: love or commitment? It brought me back to a comment my grandmother mentioned, that a good marriage is not built on love, but rather, it’s built on simply liking your significant other. It gave me pause, and I thought, so now we’re back in middle school, where my friends would ask me if I liked someone or like liked someone (what the difference was, I still don’t know)? Sometimes I don’t really like Holly -- but I still love her. When liking fails, is that when love takes over and fills in the holes?

I couldn’t get on board with this liking concept. Sure, you have to like someone to be able to spend years and years of your life with them, but I think it’s more important to love them -- I think that plays a bigger role in a healthy relationship than simply enjoying someone, which is what I equate to liking them.

The author of the HuffPost article replaced liking with commitment, and I can understand that switch -- commitment is a stronger concept than liking a person. Her theory is this: “Love, and that giddy feeling in your stomach may be what guides you when you're feeling great about the apple of your eye. But what steers you when you're going through an ebb, or a rough patch? Can you depend on love at that point?” I would say that you can -- that despite all the rough patches, you’ll still love your partner. And if you don’t, then the question is: Why are you with them? If you fall out of love with someone, simply liking them or the commitment you promised won't keep you together, right? Because you’ll know that you’re not in love anymore, and you’ll be unhappy simply pretending.

What do you guys think? What keeps your relationship together (and you can’t say sex)? Is it your commitment, love or simply liking your significant other? What happens when one of those things fails -- do you fall back on another component to keep your relationship strong?

Breaking Up Is...Easy to Do?

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 09:00:00 GMT

I've encountered my fair share of stupid, no-good boys (thank goodness Dave is normal). Last night, one such boy from my past popped up on my caller ID, and it wasn't the first time it had happened. I'd assumed the missed calls (yes, more than one) from him in the past month were a mistake. Finally, last night, while cooking dinner, I picked up.

I came home last night and found Stephanie on the phone, cooking dinner. Judging from her tone, I figured it was her ex; she'd told me he’d been calling her recently. Some guys would be very concerned. Stephanie would definitely be concerned if I were talking to an ex. But I left the room and let her do her thing; she seemed on top of it.

Once we got past the awkward small talk, we had a surprisingly nice conversation. It had been well over two years since I'd spoken to this ex -- and close to three years since he'd dumped me. On The Bachelor last night, Lindzi told a story about how her ex broke up with her by sending a text that read, "Welcome to Dumpsville, population you." Well, I didn't even get a text from this guy. After what I thought was a glorious week together in his hometown in Colorado...nothing! No good-bye, no phone call, not even a tactless text.

I wondered why Stef was so amicable toward a person who'd been so cruel to her. She's clearly over him, so she doesn't have to act mean or bitter, but why validate his actions by having a pleasant catch-up chat? Why not call him on it: “I'm just curious as to why you think it's acceptable to treat someone the way you treated me? Why do you think I'd want you in my life now?” (Is this just the boyfriend in me talking?) Instead, Stef gets off the phone and gives the WTF speech to me instead!

I felt comfortable venting...ahem, I mean telling Dave the story. I'm over the situation! But I'm not over the way men just decide they're done and don't offer a proper good-bye. One of my single girlfriends recently told me how a guy canceled a date with her at the last minute -- and she never heard from him again! Really?! These “men” need to start manning up. Until I got to Biance status with Dave, I always felt like at any second this could be over, probably because of the experience I had with this guy. Thankfully, I found someone who took my feelings into consideration. Maybe his mom taught him well.

What are your breakup horror stories? How would you treat your ex if he/she called you just to say "hello"?

Buy a Girlfriend on Facebook for Just $5!

Holly — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:00:00 GMT

When I read about this girl selling herself (well, just her Facebook self), I couldn’t help but think, Really? That’s what we’ve come to -- it’s like a scene straight out of Easy A (I’m ashamed to say, I've seen it). The elusive Cathy has offered up her savvy Facebook services. In exchange for your $5, you get all the included luxuries of a Facebook relationship: 10 days of “in a relationship” status and a few messages -- okay, “3 max” -- to make the illusion seem legit. Well, heck, I’m signing up! If the relationship status didn’t get me, the three messages sure as hell did. Maybe it will make Jack jealous? Because, really, that seems to be what it all comes down to.

The fact that this whole concept is not something new (read: the failed Cloud Girlfriend idea) doesn't surprise me so much as it disappoints me. It’s like the idea of the phone that kisses you and holds your hand! We aren’t looking for real affection, just something that masquerades as it. It is alarming, though, that there are so many comments on this girl's post on Fiverr. They seem to prove that her services are well worth your hard-earned fiver. Says a pleased customer, “Very happy with her gig,” and “Thanks Cathy for all your help!”

Help? Really? Maybe the help you actually need is getting over your past relationships in a healthy way. Or perhaps you should try to invest a few more bucks and purchase a membership to Match.com. Well, that or some sort of professional counseling...Either way, I can’t totally get behind this entrepreneurial young woman’s idea (if she is in fact a woman...or in school...or any of the qualifiers she used). What good can it do? I suppose I could quit my day job and try it out to see what all the hype is about -- I’m picturing my ad to be something like "Single 22-year-old college girl available to be your online companion for 20 days! Will post on your wall 10 times and you can link to me as your girlfriend for the low, low price of $50!" I couldn’t possibly make too much money doing that. Right?

Come on ladies, is this Cathy an innovator or just strapped for cash (okay, we all know that’s got to be at least one of her motivators)? I guess it’s not as bad as becoming a pole dancer (not sure where I got that one) to pay her way through college. Is this personals for Facebook thing going to catch on? Would you ever consider buying Ms. Cathy’s affections, guys?

The Power of Gossip

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 09:00:00 GMT

Stephanie I and have different perspectives on gossip, and it tends to cause friction. I have a simple philosophy: I do not want to hear anything about anyone that they wouldn't want me to hear.

I don't think I gossip. I just share things with Dave, who's my partner and BFF. So when I get home from dinner with a girlfriend, I want to share what she and I talked about with Dave. During my most recent dinner date with a particular girlfriend, we talked about her man. And the idea that he might be cheating. And the evidence she may have found. So I shared my obvious horror about the situation with Dave. He came back with, "Does this person want me to know this?" It made me feel like his child, not his "almost wife." I don't want to be censored in my home.

Here’s a good example of why I’m so averse to gossip: I have a good friend who's my go-to setup guy. He's a good-looking med student with a great sense of humor. So when I meet a friend of Stef's who happens to be single, sometimes I ask, "Do you think she would like Jason?" (not his real name). Awhile back, I'd mentioned setting up Jason with Stef's friend Stacy (not her real name, either), who I’m a fan of -- she's sweet, cute and seems very intelligent. Stef was way into the idea. Since that time, Stef has mentioned to me, in passing, that Stacy has some serious issues. She continually struggles with an eating disorder that has put her in and out of clinics, rotates therapists and has never had a serious relationship.

I recently followed up with Dave about a possible Jason-Stacy meeting, to which he said, "NO WAY am I setting them up! I'm not unloading that kinda baggage on my buddy."

So here's the thing. If Stef had never gossiped about her friend, I probably would've proceeded with the setup. Maybe they would've hit it off. Maybe they'd be engaged by now. Maybe Jason has a sister with an eating disorder. Who knows? But she did share this info. And now I can't vouch for the girl. And I certainly couldn't set my friend up with her without divulging this very private info, which I shouldn't have known in the first place. Call me dramatic, but I feel that this kind of gossip alters destinies. There was no need for me to know this information about Stacy.

If Dave wants to judge Stacy by what I told him, so be it. I can't control that. I’m still very willing to set up our good friends to see if it works out. He's the one being judgmental by not proceeding with the setup as planned, merely because I shared private information with him as my partner.

Where do you stand on this one? Is gossip damaging or just something that married couples and partners do?

Table for Four, Please!

Holly — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 09:30:00 GMT

Before I got married, I hung out with my girlfriends solo all the time. But since saying our "I dos," Jack and I have tended to hang out exclusively in pairs. In fact, it’s become hard to bring single friends into our group. It’s almost like a weird rendition of the Goodfellas crew (you know, because the mafia is totally similar to our lives). It’s hard because I’m still friends with many single girls.

But apparently, this cult-like couple group isn’t so uncommon -- nor is it a bad thing. According to a USA Today article, having couple friends can actually nurture your relationship. I figured as much, but a new book by Geoffrey Greif and Kathy Deal, Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships, further explains the important benefits of having couple friends: “Being close with another couple and watching how they manage their ups and downs is a role model for how you can manage your ups and downs.”

This makes sense. In fact, when Jack’s buddy complains about his wife’s constant need to talk about her feelings, Jack chuckles. That’s why we have this blog! (At least that’s what he thinks.)

So I guess having couple friends is nice, but at the same time, I don’t want to feel so disconnected from my single friends. So the question is, how do I merge the two groups? I don’t want to be so obscene as to set up “surprise” blind dates. Any suggestions? And do you find having couple friends therapeutic?

It's Time to Be Resolute

Jack — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 10:00:00 GMT

So the Christmas trees have come down, carols are no longer on the radio and The Christmas Story isn't being played on repeat on TV (thank god). So we all know what that means, New Year's resolutions. I can tell you that I accomplished all of...none of my resolutions from last year. I can feel the judging eyes already! But how many of you kept your resolution to lose those pounds, eat healthier and nag less? I'll tell you -- none of you!

I read this article in the paper about how you should have your friends and family (and especially your significant others) make resolutions for you. They have the ability to judge you from the outside and possibly see things that you may not know need improving. Plus they can check in on you about your progress rather than just keeping a to-do list on your calendar and never crossing anything off (guilty).

In the spirit of this new idea, I've decided to make a list of all the things I think Holly should have on her list this coming year! Number one: Spend more time with her husband. Because of our odd working schedules we often split our time in the city and upstate at our house. But since Holly has more flexibility, I sometimes get left at the apartment all alone all week. Jack gets lonely. (As I type that I'm embarrassed by my use of the third person.)

Number two: Cook dinner a few times a month. Disclaimer: This is not me being antifeminist. We spend so much on takeout food that I think it would be so much nicer (and cost efficient!) to cook at home once in a while. Sure our kitchen has restrictions (i.e. it's tiny), but we can make do. Of course, she can put cooking more on my list too -- she just knows that mac n' cheese and hot dogs are about all that's in my cooking repertoire nowadays.

For the last resolution I thought I'd take it to her work: Stress less. I think a lot of New Yorkers (and hard-working Americans!) can agree that we overwork ourselves and it's often because we demand perfection. But we simply don't have time for perfection in our 10-12 hour work days. And perhaps if we have a better quality of life, that perfection will just come along because we're happier we're not working until 11pm at night?

Stress less, cook more and spend more time with me! I think it's not a bad list I mean I could have gone really personal and said to stop nagging me about not cleaning my stuff up around the apartment...but I didn't! So what about you guys, do you think making resolutions for your significant other will help them achieve their goals? I think Holly will be grateful (and hopefully not spiteful). What are your new year's resolutions, either for yourself or for your spouse, this year?

Nobody's Perfect

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 09:30:00 GMT

I hate the gym. I find it boring and the crowd is usually a little too 'Ed Hardy' for me. I do like to exercise, though. So when Stephanie recently gave me a gym membership for Christmas, I was leery at first. But when I realized it’s for a particular gym that happens to have a lap-swimming pool (rare in NYC), I got psyched.

Dave has this nickname that he uses to describe me at any point before 10am. I'm "Morning Stef". It's because I'm incredibly cheery, bubbly, smilely and ready to conquer the day. Ninety-nine percent of the time I'm cheery and laughing. When I'm not, I'm anxious or panicking about things that are typically out of our control: job, money, the future. I've suffered from panic attacks and tend to overreact.Thankfully, Dave is incredibly patient (to an extent) and helps me through it.

I came home from my first day at my new gym and Stef greeted me with, "How was it? Did you do abs?” “Um, no. But it was good. I swam and took a spin class.” After the second day, I entered my apartment after another work out to find Stef standing there. "Dinner's almost ready. Did you work on abs today?" I'm sensing a theme here. Apparently, I have flabs.

The fact that Dave's pulse is that of a comatose patient definitely has its disadvantages at times, especially when I am running around, worried about what's next on the agenda and trying to please everyone. He's more a graduate of the "It's all good" school. I'll never forget the one time when my dog ran into the street near my parents house and I went berserk because Dave sat there for one too many seconds before reacting and finally running after my pup, who was fine, but a little hustle please!

Stef runs marathons and works out about five days a week. That's just not me. She literally gets home from Barry's Boot Camp before I wake up. But instead of nagging me to exercise more and complaining that I'm an XL and not an L (which she had done earlier in our relationship), she went out and got me a gym membership, and specifically, to a gym I would enjoy. I like that.

While his lack of 'umph' gets to me, he has helped me to calm down a little. I often sit at home stressing about what my next career move will be.That's when Dave reminds me that getting to the #1 TV market at 27 is pretty good. No, great.

There is a fine line between being content and being driven. You don't want to be content to the point that you’re always satisfied with what you have and don't strive for more as an individual or as a couple. You also don't want to be too anxious, to the point where you don't take the time to appreciate and enjoy all that you have and act envious of those with more. Or furthermore, let it cause huge fights.

Who is the "motivator" in your relationship? Who is the "It's all good" one? Does it result in positive adjustments or all-out war?

Facebook Is Updating the Status of Your Marriage to "Divorced"

Holly — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 09:30:00 GMT

A new study shows that our favorite addiction -- um, I mean social networking site -- officially contributes to one in three divorces. Which means you probably know at least one couple whose relationship demise has played out publicly on the Internet. And is now indexed for all of eternity.

But it's not like I didn't see this coming. To all 200-something of my personal Facebook friends, I say this with love: Facebook is not your diary; please stop airing your grievances on it. Honestly, I cringe sometimes. Status updates along the lines of "I need to get out of the house or else someone is going to make me snap!!" make us all a little uncomfortable.

This particular study, conducted by Divorce Online (I wonder if they have an agenda?), says that couples who've already separated are the worst offenders, posting nasty public comments about each other. The other two Facebook-related complaints cited were "inappropriate messages to members of the opposite sex" and "friends reporting on a spouse's bad behavior." My reaction to all of this? Yeah, sounds about right.

I've blogged a lot about the way that technology has wormed its way into my own marriage. In fact, my BlackBerry alone was something Jack and I used to argue about regularly (I'm proud to say that I'm paying less attention to it and more attention to him these days). But when it comes to the ability to flat-out devastate relationships, nothing compares to the Pandora's box that is social networking. Neither one of us is terribly sucked in by these sites, but it seems like Jack and I hear horror stories daily. Whether it's my single girlfriends who use it to cyber-stalk exes (or, more often, the guy that said he'd call but totally ghosted), or my married girlfriends who use it to reconnect with (and then moon over) their exes -- it's an emotional trapdoor that many a smart person has fallen through.

At the end of the day, it's a chicken-and-egg argument. I don't really think Facebook can cause a divorce, but I believe it can speed one up -- or make one uglier. I'm sure Facebook has given many an unhappy spouse the means to escape reality and indulge in bad behavior. But we all know that would've happened eventually, one way or the other. So what's the solution to keeping marriages intact -- and preventing divorces from getting ugly -- in the age of social media? Have you ever felt like Facebook was getting in the way of your relationship?

Loaded Questions

Holly — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

We all know what the holiday season brings: Good food, gifts, quality time with family...and awkward comments from parents about having children. Every year, I forget how uncomfortable it can be to field questions like that.

Since Jack and I haven't even begun to cross that bridge yet, we kind of just limp through the questions. "So, you two have been together for how many years now? Five? Wait, seven? When's a little one coming our way?" says my mother. Oh, dear god.

This year, one of our family friends -- a lifelong friend of mine -- was over with her newborn, so I was getting it from all sides. "Holly, look how good your mom is with kids! When are you going to give her a baby to spoil?!" All this time, I thought my friend was on my side. It was a mommy ambush!

I tried to change the subject...with little success. There's something about new mothers (and hopeful potential grandmothers): They have this uncanny ability to make any subject of conversation about babies. The football game on TV? Well, Bryson loves watching TV, but he prefers The Wiggles. The amazing stuffing mom made? Just an FYI, Bryson can't eat solid foods yet, but his favorite food right now is actually mushed up apples, which is so funny because his mommy loves apples too!

It's not that I don't want children. Y'all should know by now that Jack and I do want kids, we're just not ready for them. No time. No money. No clock ticking. (Okay maybe the timer is running out, but can't we go into overtime?) When push comes to shove we just tell whoever is asking that when we're ready, they'll be the first to know. That usually puts a smile on my mom's or other curious questioners faces and we can move on to more important topics, like food.

What about you guys? Any topics you try to avoid during the holidays that have the annoying habit of popping up despite all efforts? What's your way of dodging to subject?

A Stay-at-Home Mom's Sacrifices

Jack — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:30:00 GMT

This weekend I had one of those bare-all airplane conversations -- you know, those ones where somehow you end up spilling your whole life story to the stranger sitting next to you? I found myself talking to this ex-male-model-turned-financial-type and I couldn't help but be in awe of his life story.

He's seen the world and seemingly done it all. But as I listened to him talk about his current love life (he's married with a newborn and a few kids not quite in their teens), I couldn't help but feel a little bad for the guy. You see his wife, let's call her Kate (don't worry I'm changing all the details), has hardly worked a day in her life. She spends her days at home with the kids, goes to the gym, the spa, etc. (while they're in school or daycare).

As he was telling me about his life, he explained how he worked his way up in his company while still making it home each night to give his kid a bath and spend quality time with the family. So what's wrong with the marriage you might ask? He can't stand that his wife spends her time blowing his money -- okay, that came out wrong, but he feels he does so much for the family and she does little to pitch in. He still helps with chores (like laundry), so it's not like she takes care of everything around the house and with the kids. The kicker for him? She feels like she has sacrificed for the marriage.

Now guys, this makes me stop for a second. It's not like she left a job to raise a family, or moved cities to be with him (which he did). So what has she sacrificed, my friends? Not her body -- she manages to work out every day (Holly certainly doesn't, but I love her for her devotion to her writing). Not her social life. So what?

When I asked why his view of her had changed it seemed like he was disappointed that despite the fact that she was married, with kids, she was constantly becoming more vain. She didn't used to wear makeup or do her hair and now she's obsessed with her body image. How had things changed so drastically over just a few years? Sure as women age, I'm sure they are more devoted to keeping themselves fit and appealing to their husbands, but at what cost?

I can't imagine being in his shoes -- Holly and I are so devoted to our work that neither of us could imagine just staying at home every day. Personally I'd be bored!

So what about you guys, any advice for my anonymous seatmate? How should he handle this situation without getting into trouble -- if there is a way? Joe mentioned that Kate regrets not going to law school, I say, what better time to try again than now?

It's a Grown-Up Party!

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:00:00 GMT

We did it! Our first Christma-kah bash together. The invites, the planning, the shopping, the cooking and ultimately the cleaning; believe it or not ladies, I did not do it all by myself!

We agreed to divvy up responsibilities for the party based on preference. That boiled down to, among other things, Stef making appetizers and desserts from scratch and me hanging Christmas lights and playing DJ. We designed an invite together and agreed on (almost) every detail.

Actually, Dave's being humble. He did make punch from scratch -- literally squeezing fresh fruit and mulling his own spices -- and it disappeared before 11pm. My homemade pigs in a blanket? Demolished before the little "blankets" even had a chance to cool. The party had a festive and friendly vibe…until I went to drop off a guest's coat in our bedroom and saw the silhouettes of two figures getting it on, on top of the coats...ON OUR BED! Tacky!

I had a happy holiday buzz going and was involved in some conversation when I noticed Stef across the room making the frantic "I-need-to-talk-to-you-NOW" face. I walked over to her and she explained, "Two of your friends are making out on our bed!" I guess my reaction -- "Oh man... That's AWESOME! Who is it?" -- was not what she was looking for.

We were not throwing a college kegger, Dave. A hot-and-heavy make-out session on our guests' coats is not awesome. It's cheesy and disrespectful.

Yeah, or a sure fire sign of a great party! Just kidding. It's gross, but I would've let it slide. Thing is, it wasn't just my party. It was our party. So, I slowly opened the bedroom door and -- after taking a good, long (cheap) peek -- I said, "Hey Jeff (not his real name), I gotta ask you guys to get outta this room." He totally understood, apologized and the party didn't skip a beat.

Where do you stand on this one? Has anyone ever gotten it on at your party -- on your bed? Would you or your man think it's "awesome" or just plain ol' nasty?

Where Have All the Married People Gone?

Holly — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:30:00 GMT

I'll admit it: I always wanted to be married. I happened to find "the one" and tie the knot for love. I'm not one of those married women. I know that a good man (or woman) is hard to find. In fact, a new study reveals that only 51 percent of adults in the US are married. That's just half of the population, people! And it represents an all-time low: The marriage rate has dropped from 59 percent in 1960 to a mere 20 percent in the present day. And this cooling trend isn't expected to end anytime soon. I'm not sure why, but that scares me a little.

Yes, many people have perfectly good reasons for staying single. Women can support themselves, so they can be pickier about whose socks they choose to pick up off the floor for as long as they both shall live. And, as the article states, women are no longer shunned by society for raising children alone. But, if given the choice, would most women choose to be single moms? I don't think so. So that theory doesn't hold water for me.

And let's not forget about cohabitation: According to the Census Bureau, twice as many couples are living together now than they were 20 years ago. Both men and women -- but mostly men -- are putting off getting hitched until they feel they're economically stable. And with the recent recession, there aren't a whole lot of moneybags out there looking to put a ring on it. It's a bummer, but it brings up a valid question: At the end of the day, is marriage really just a business agreement? With singlehood an increasingly viable option, people are free to think long and hard about whether this whole marriage business is right for them.

But are they overthinking it?

To me, getting married is sort of like watching a science fiction movie or even a romantic comedy. There has to be some suspension of disbelief, or you're not going to buy it. Marriage is not a romantic comedy. It's hard -- and sometimes it can flat-out suck. It's messy but enormously rewarding. It's not a Hallmark card; it's the foundation that family is built on -- and whose family is 100 percent functional? Our grandparents seemed to grasp this concept better than we do -- and look how happy they always were.

I can't help but wonder what this steady decline in marriage means for society at large -- and the future of the family unit. Are technology, equal rights, education -- all the amazing things we're so privileged to enjoy in the modern world -- changing the face of relationships and family? What will society look like 50 years from now?

Let me know your thoughts on the current "marriage crisis." Do you think it signals the demise of a cherished institution -- or an opportunity to restructure our lives for the better?

Politicos and Their Sordid Pasts

Holly — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:00:00 GMT

At this point, I've grown to expect powerful men in politics to lie and cheat -- and I'm just talking about their personal lives. Without fail, at some point in every campaign season, candidates' personal lives and professional pasts will be placed in the public eye. They can't escape those years when their moral choices were questionable -- or even deplorable -- no matter how much money they try to throw at the problem.

But is it fair to use a candidate's sexual escapades and marital misbehavior to try to gauge how well they'll be able to run our country? While I'm interested to find out what skeletons lie in politicians' closets, I certainly don't use a candidate's behavior within his or her own marriage to make my voting decisions. And this is coming from a person who cherishes the institution of marriage!

On the other hand, I can understand why some folks would use those personal histories to make their judgments on a candidate's integrity. Ultimately, we look for someone whom we can relate to -- which is why religion often plays a huge role in campaigns. If a candidate cheats or, say, poses nude in a Cosmopolitan spread like Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown did, many voters will lose interest because they'd never make those kinds of moral decisions.

If so many people are swayed one way or the other by these indiscretions, and politicians know this, why do so many of them engage in risky behavior? Is it a power trip, or do they simply not feel their personal lives affect their professional lives? At some point, there should be a line drawn. Take President Clinton, for example. He wasn't faithful to Hillary, but his presidency was hugely successful in terms of his politics. So how do his personal indiscretions leave a permanent shadow over the four years he spent in the Oval Office?

Recently, Newt Gingrich was put on the defense about his own personal past -- notably his two failed marriages -- and it's come to the point that he's pledged to remain faithful to his current wife. Good for him for making the effort to do his marriage right this time, but isn't that what his vows were for in the first place? If you ask me, whether he remains faithful to his wife doesn't govern his politics. Sure, it might play a role in his religion (he's committed himself to the church), which, in turn, affects his policies, but it's still a stretch to say his sexual infidelities should be grounds for debate about his ability to hold office. Ultimately, who are we to judge? No one's perfect, especially when your personal and work lives are put under the microscope.

So what's your take? Should we let our judgments of politicians' personal indiscretions seep into their electability? Does having an affair really make any difference in how well they'll be able to lead in office? Or am I giving them too much credit (after all, politicians are just like you and me -- they're not superhumans)?

A (Once) Lonely Jew on Christmas

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 10:00:00 GMT

Ah, the holidays. Peace and joy...and the bitter division of families everywhere! Being part of a couple during the holiday season is always a tough one. Whose family do you have dinner with? How much money do you spend on gifts for your in-laws (or almost in-laws)? In my relationship, there's an added dynamic: Stephanie and I are different religions.

I'm Greek Orthodox but didn't grow up very religious. Instead, I like to call myself "culturally enriched." Both my parents are "off the boat." Dad is Greek; Mom is Italian. So we make Christmas our version of My Big Fat Greek (and Italian) Wedding, which is way different from how "Americans" celebrate.

I'm Jewish. Christmas to me was always Chinese food and a movie. Luckily, Stephanie's mom is totally flexible. I believe her exact quote was, "I want Thanksgiving and Christmas! Every year!" Okay, Christmas I get. After all, I don't really celebrate it -- outside of watching Ralphie get shoved down the slide by the bottom of Santa's boot. So of course we'll celebrate Christmas with Steph's family, no problem.

Ten years ago, my family traded our cozy home in Pennsylvania -- complete with snow, a fireplace and a huge Christmas tree -- for Florida sunshine, bathing suits and eating out on Christmas Eve. Yes, that's how my family rolls these days -- and we all love it! (I'm convinced they must have always known I'd bring a Jewish boy into the picture.)

Interestingly enough, Steph's family celebrates in Boca Raton, where the concentration of Jews can rival Tel Aviv. Their Douglas firs are palmettos, and instead of eggnog, you get two eggs, any style, for $2.99. And the only chestnuts roasting on an open fire are my nuts, sweating in the Florida heat. At the very least, I'm amongst my own.

How did your holidays change once you got into a relationship? Any hurdles you had to overcome?

Relationship Rules to Break

Holly — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 09:30:00 GMT

The Top 10 Hottest Celebrity Couples of 2011

Kristine Solomon — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Who among us did not tune in this past April to watch Wills and Kate become the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (and who knew those would be their titles)? Between the perfect lace gown, the showstopping hats and, let’s face it, Pippa, the royal wedding was everything we could’ve hoped for and more. It was the ultimate princess bride fantasy, and we ate it up.

Gift Giving Gone Digital

Jack — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:00:00 GMT

Holly and I have reached a whole new level of deciphering what we hope will be under the metaphorical Christmas tree this year (because let's be honest, at $80 a pop for a small tree in the city, we're not having an evergreen Christmas in our apartment). We've started a Google Doc (I'm almost ashamed to say) of what we want. So at any moment, Holly can update her list and I can update mine. That's right: There's no guessing, no legwork -- just a cold, hard, grocery list of things.

Guess whose grand idea it was? Okay, don't point fingers: It was Holly! She's gotten out of control. I mean, sure, I'm not great at figuring out what she wants (alright, I'm terrible), but I still try. Isn't that what gift giving is all about? You know, it's the thought that counts and all that jazz?

Okay, maybe I'm seeing it a little bit: She's tired of getting crappy jewelry and gift cards to stores she doesn't even go to. But what about the romance of unwrapping something? You're not sure what it is, and it's so exciting. Sure, the letdown and all the returns aren't as glamorous, but give a guy a break (again)!

Anyway, I guess it will help. But the whole idea of exchanging gift ideas via the Internet really kills the spirit of the holidays for me. It makes everything so official and business-like.

What do you guys think? Are Google Doc wish lists making it to your relationship sometime soon? I know it sounds like every guy's dream, but it really does put a damper on getting and giving gifts.

How Do You Keep the "Spark" Alive in Your Relationship?

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 09:30:00 GMT

The scene I hate in every romantic comedy ever is when the married couple is getting ready for bed, like they’ve presumably done a thousand times before, and the wife emerges from the bathroom in slow motion, wearing some scant, lacy number. Hubby (anyone from Hugh Grant to Steve Carell) inevitably has the exact same response: unbridled virility and lust. It's the equivalent of a cartoon character's eyes literally bulging out of his head and snapping back into place like a rubber band. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't happen that way, ladies. This is real life.

I find keeping the spark alive in our relationship to be fairly easy. Seriously, it is! I've always been very attracted to Dave, and I mean, why wouldn't the feeling be mutual? (If it wasn’t, I'd demand a Barry's Bootcamp refund!) But being that we live together and aren't married yet, I place priority on keeping things fresh.

On my last birthday, Stephanie took me out to a beautiful, trendy restaurant I’d never been to. Afterward, we met a couple of friends at a bar that I particularly like. Both aspects of the evening were a surprise to me -- and pleasant ones at that. A few days prior, Steph had asked me if I’d like to see her in some sexy lingerie on my birthday. Aaand...here's where I effed up big time. My answer: "Eh, it's like painting a used car." PSA to all men: Don't ever compare your wife, girlfriend or any woman in your life to anything used. Or to a car.

Some guys go gaga over lingerie, high heels and other sexy stuff. Not Dave. Phew! But I've got to be honest: While some women may dread having to wear this stuff, I don't mind. (Too much information?!) I want to feel sexy around him. But it's never fun when you go out of your way, drop large amounts of dough at Frederick's of Hollywood -- and you don't even get so much as an "Ooh la la."

Is there literally one heterosexual man out there in the world who would utter "Ooh la la"? Look, we like seeing some sexy lingerie. But don't expect that movie moment. We already know what's under there. That restaurant I'd never been to -- that was a surprise. The unexpected appearance of good friends? A surprise. Lingerie? Well, let's just say that Victoria's Secret is out of the bag. The truth is, I'm just as turned on by Stephanie in a pair of sweats, because that’s when she’s at her most comfortable and that's what I truly love. Awwww. See that?

Luckily for me, I can roll out of bed and that's considered sexy to Dave. But sometimes I just want to feel like Heidi Klum or Gisele!

What about your man? Does he demand you wear lingerie? Is he still enamored by your sexy waltz into the bedroom?

Are Passion and Security Able to Coexist?

Holly — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 09:30:00 GMT

After reading a recent post on Psychology Today's website about a new David Cronenberg film, A Dangerous Method, I've got to go out and see it (and drag Jack along). The story is about a tortured doctor who struggles with finding the same passion at home that he finds with his aggressive, sexually driven patients.

The author of the post, a doctor himself, discusses how today's society often battles with this same predicament that the movie's Victorian-era character finds himself in. He asks, "Once you've built a home, a family, a life together, how do you make sense of the fact that the thrill is -- or seems to be -- gone? Can passion and security coexist? Or do we inevitably trade excitement for stability when we commit to someone?"

These questions are all good ones but need some addressing. The author asserts that our "basic human struggle" is to balance excitement with restraint and still retain the vitality of our erotic lives. However, with so many ways for married (or unmarried) couples today to express their sexual natures, I would have to disagree that this struggle is still inherent.

Today we have sexting, porn, Skype -- all ways to keep the so-called vitality alive in any relationship, even if you're hundreds of miles away. Sure, there may be the occasional husband or wife who doesn't want to taint the ideal image of their spouse, but that seems so 50 years ago, when women were either housewives or prim-and-proper secretaries. Now, men can see their wives as powerful (more women are breadwinners and CEOs of companies than ever before), rather than as just homemakers. Sure, there are always outliers and exceptions to every rule, but according to the majority, I would say this battle is less ‘"waged" than won.

What do you all think? Should couples be more wary about protecting their passion and their stability, or do they come hand in hand? I think in a good relationship they do. Of course, there are times when passion wanes, but that's to be expected with any long commitment.

7 Offbeat Signs You're Ready for a Baby

Brooke Lea Foster — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Admit it: Baby showers can be mind-numbing. Sure, the baby clothes are cute and your preggo friend looks absolutely adorable, but who isn't secretly watching the clock? I'll tell you who: Women who are ready to sport a big ol’ belly themselves. If you find yourself taking mental notes about which gifts you do and don't want for your own baby and dreaming about perfect baby shower locales, you’re in mommy mode.

Working Moms Unite

Holly — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:30:00 GMT

I could brag to y'all about how glorious our vacation is (I'm talking sun, sand and yummy Costa Rican fare), but I'll spare you the jealousy. While I was poking around online this morning to find a hot topic, I came across a post on Psychology Today about how a recent study shows that raising a child in a two-working-parent home doesn't harm the child's development. In fact, the study, by the University College London, found that there were many benefits for young children if both parents worked.

The study showed that boys and girls were more likely to have developmental or emotional issues when either one or the other parent was working, which debunks the traditional belief that a stay-at-home parent could solve all (and prevent all) problems. Of course, the findings also showed that it was all about balance. If you work so much that you never see or talk to your children, then this whole study wouldn't really apply.

All of this is exciting for working moms out there. So many of my friends hoped that their strong sense of self and never-give-up working habits would rub off on their sons and daughters, and this study says it's so. Don't get me wrong, though -- I'm not poo-pooing stay-at-home moms. I'm just giving a hefty endorsement (and so is UCL) for working moms and dads to keep doing what they're doing. And if you've found yourself unhappy at home (or even resenting your kids) because you left your job, get back on the horse.

I'm sure it's hard saying good-bye to baby every morning, or missing school plays and recitals, but ultimately, it will be okay.

What do y'all think -- does this study put your mind at ease, at least a little? Thinking more about having kids now that it's not as frowned upon to go back to work after they're born? Discuss. Signing out from the beach!

Are You Being Curious -- Or Are You Prying?

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I’m a television news reporter, and Dave is a stand-up comedian. It's safe to say that our jobs are a big part of our lives and personalities. This can cause friction.

I tend to question and investigate everything. The thing is, I have a lot of trouble leaving leaving that mentality in the newsroom. For example, I try to figure out why Dave doesn’t pick up his phone when I call at the same moment he’s updating his Twitter -- from his phone! I live in a persistent state of curiosity that I'm not sure many men could handle. And I'm certain that it's almost pushed Dave over the edge a few times. In fact, he had to sit me down once and talk to me about it.

Steph once pumped me for information as to why I was headed to Long Island for the day when I should have been working. As if the third degree wasn't enough, she pumped and pumped away (as I call it, give me the "7th degree") until I finally spilled it: I was going to pick up a very special surprise gift for her. Now, you might say, "You could have just told a little white lie as to where you were going." But you can't do that when you date a reporter. She'll factcheck.

It’s tough: Where do you draw the lines of privacy in a relationship? I'm curious to a fault sometimes, but my curiosity has also saved me from heartache in other relationships, when past boyfriends tried to get away with things that weren’t okay. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism. Or maybe it's just good journalism. But when does it become prying? Ultimately, I’d like to find a happy medium. And I surely don't want to ruin anymore surprises the Biance has coming my way!

Look, every guy who gets involved in an exclusive relationship is resigned to the fact that he is losing a little bit of his freedom and independence. It's part of the deal. But ladies, you can cut us some slack too. Do we really have to check in, so you know that we got to CVS safely? Can we grab a drink after work without worrying if it's ok with you? It really does mean a lot... at least to me.

How much freedom do you give your significant other? How much is he/she entitled to?

We're Leaving on a Jet Plane

Jack — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 09:30:00 GMT

It's official. Holly and I are taking off for Costa Rica! I've gotta say, I feel like a giddy little schoolgirl. It's been so long since we took some time off and went all out (well, we're not going all out, but we'll splurge a bit). We're completely shirking our familial responsibilities by not visiting any relatives for Thanksgiving (is that bad?). But, we've gotta get outta Dodge.

Have you ever had one of those, well, I would say days, but for Holly and me, it's been months. The problems just keep coming...and coming. We moved recently, but it wasn't your typical move. Holly and I carried our entire apartment down the street -- queen-size bed, couch, TV, bookshelf...you get the point. You may be wondering, why? It just wasn't worth it to pay movers to take our stuff down the block. Sure, it took about five hours and we were sore after (well, Holly was sore), but it was worth it. The seven-hour drive to visit family immediately after the move, however, was not.

Then, last weekend we spent five grueling hours in IKEA. I know, that sounds like a cakewalk to some, but let me finish. Our apartment is rather empty now after our pre-move purge (we were tired of and annoyed with packing), so we've had to fill the emptiness (seriously, it echoes). While in IKEA, we couldn't agree on anything, and I mean anything. Down to the trash can and bathroom hooks. When we finally finished our pathetic attempt at a spree, we checked out. Only to find that nothing fit in the car. Okay, maybe I should've measured. It came down to us unpacking our purchases to fit them in the car. Ultimately, we gave up on our desk. But the fun didn't end there; we had to bring it back inside and wait in a two-hour return line (as in we were number 09, and they were on 59). We were considering paying shipping, which was more than the desk itself, just so we could get out of there. We left feeling utterly defeated.

Sure, moving and shopping don't sound like reasons to need a vacation -- but we do! There have been other problems packed on top, but I'll spare you. What about you -- doing anything unexpected for Thanksgiving break? Ever had one of those months when you've just got to get away? Where'd you escape to?

"The Things I Want In a Spouse" List

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Dave is off doing standup; it's just me this week, ladies!

So, this past Veterans' Day, Dave and I hung out with my co-worker -- who is in the Air Force -- and some of his crew. A bunch of them knew about this blog. (Exciting, right?) They assumed Dave and I had it all together (um...yeah) and started hitting us up for dating advice. One soldier in particular -- a 44-year-old single father of three who has never been married -- was curious. Apparently, he had a list of traits for his potential spouse, too! Unfortunately, his list read more like a to-do list of chores:

1. Cooks
2. Cleans
3. Splits rent
4. Picks up dry cleaning

Ok, I added that last one myself, but you get the idea.

By the end of our conversation with said soldier, I think it's safe to say Dave and I were both biting our tongues. Dave suggested this guy scratch the whole dating scene and just mail-order a geisha. I think he got the point across.

When you're single, especially throughout your 20s, it's easy to start making a list of qualities you want in partner. Some items on the list are universal: Tall, handsome, funny, smart...rich! Others are a little more subjective. For example, I always envisioned being with a man who wore a suit everyday, working hard to climb that corporate ladder. After meeting Dave, I quickly came to realize he was not that man, and I'd have to revise that list. Turns out Dave is even better than the "dream man" I'd envisioned -- and I don't think I could have ever dreamed up Dave, for that matter. So much for my list.

So, here's my advice for our Air Force friend and for everyone who is single longer than they want to be: You may have to sacrifice a little of yourself to find the love you want. It's not all about you and your list. I'm not suggesting you throw out your list. Just be willing to provide a little leeway.

Married ladies: Did you have a checklist before you met your husband -- and did you end up revising it? What's your advice for single ladies (and Air Force dudes!) who are, well, picky?

Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a writer and stand up comedian in New York City. Visit his website, DaveSiegel.com, and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).

Are You Screwing Up Your Relationship?

How Did You Know Your Frog Had Prince Potential?

Holly — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I always knew I wanted to get married. That doesn’t mean I didn’t kiss a bunch of toads that I knew were bad news – and enjoy every agonizing minute of it. That’s a rite of passage, right? Getting the whole bad-boy thing out of your system so you can move on to healthier -- albeit less andrenaline-inducing -- relationships.

Don’t get me wrong: Jack and I have our fair share of thrills (I routinely wake up with bruises and don’t even remember having had rough sex. Kinky, right??). But when you’re married, you just don’t feel the need to have those “will he call me?!” types of freakouts just to get your rocks off.

So what’s that bad-boy thing really about, anyway? Why do we respond to that sh&t to begin with? The feminist site Jezebel recently published a piece suggesting that Kermit the Frog is the original unavailable, aloof boyfriend (all he wants to do is strum his banjo and hang out with his bros all day) -- and Piggy is the original badass bitch who can’t seem to get her little pig knuckles off of him. If most of us are looking for men to commit, why are we so drawn to the frogs that won’t? More importantly, how -- and when -- do we decide we’ve had enough of this charade?

I knew that Jack was the one when weird, serendipitous things started to happen when we were together (and also because I had a massive crush on him -- the killer abs helped). Before I was married, friends told me that when you meet “the one,” you know because all of those feelings that were driving you before -- lust, uncertainty, anxiety -- are no longer there, and you’re happier that way. Precisely the things that had turned me on in the past were barely present in Jack, and I thought: This totally available, mostly reliable, often predictable man? He’s the love of my life. Morning breath, socks on the floor – that’s what I want for the rest of my life, as long as it’s with him (I draw the line at farting). And that’s the most exciting happy ending I can think of.

Ladies: Describe for me the moment you knew that your frog was a prince in disguise. Be specific!!

See Also:

Your Sleep Styles, Decoded

Celebrity Wedding Anniversaries!

My High School Reunion Wasn't What I'd Always Thought It Would Be

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Dave likes to say I have "so many best friends." I think he's right. But I see that as a blessing, not a burden. So when I found out I could take a break from my day job to attend my 10-year high school reunion in Philadelphia this past weekend, I couldn't wait to see (all) my best friends and show off my Biance!

Being a date at someone else's high school reunion was an interesting experience. Because I'm seven years older than Stephanie, I was the old man (minus one random man who was literally old). People asked probing questions. It was basically one big forum of judgment. According to Steph my job was to try look good and be charming. Um, Stef..."Try"?

Turns out, people said, "hi" to Dave before I could even introduce him, mentioning they knew him from this blog!

Being the eye candy comes with the territory at events like your significant other's reunions, work functions and family affairs. Basically one's only real task is not to do or say anything embarrassing. That's a tough one for me, as I tend to try to push the envelope with strangers after one too many vodka-tonics.

Looking back, I always envisioned going to my 10-year reunion married, settled and loaded. I may have gone 0/3, but I wasn't alone. In fact, it was nice to see other girls had Biances too! Some of my classmates had husbands and some, (including my bestie) are having babies! But almost all of my former classmates were pretty much strangers to Dave. As always, he made the best of the situation and even provided some good laughs for my friends. He cut right into a circle of my friends and in his best catty-gossipy-girl voice says, "OMG, did you see Tiffany?? Would you say 20, 30 llbs??" They all burst.

What was your High School reunion like? Did you bump into an old crush? Did you regret going? Fill us in!

Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a writer and stand up comedian in New York City. The Richmond, Virgina area can see him at the Funnybone this weekend and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).

Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I remember how I looked on my wedding day -- I’m not gonna lie, I was hawt. And I’ll be the first to admit that things went a bit downhill from there, but it’s not like I let myself go. But one of the things I love about Jack is that he will also always be the first to tell me that I look fat in my used-to-be-skinny jeans. I’ll get mad (because how dare he!), but you bet the next day I’ll be running my butt off at the gym.

A recent post on TheStir.com’s Café Mom community discussed how lying to your significant other can only hurt them. If you’re leading them on and saying they’re still just as attractive to you, maybe two years down the road you’ll be repulsed and they’ll be jolly (and chubby). So, who is to blame there?

The only thing that keeps me fit and healthy is the fact that I still want to feel sexy around my man. Plus, like the article on The Stir says, I want to be with Jack for the rest of my life, I don’t want heart disease (or varicose veins) to separate us. The same goes for him of course -- if he ever lets those six-pack abs turn into a keg, I’ll be changing up those heavy beers in the fridge to some Smart Waters.

What about you ladies -- does brutal honesty from your guy empower you or make you fume?

See also:

The Ultimate Guide to Your Anniversary

Surprising Ways You're Screwing Up Your Relationship

Ultimate Bachelors or Sleazy Older Men?

Jack — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:00:00 GMT

Guys, I get that at a certain point in our lives, we start to get gray hairs, wrinkles, and, well, just all around a lot less attractive. And sure, many of us will look to overpriced Lamborghinis or hang gliders, but I can’t really get behind the idea of going after women 15-30 years younger than us. Why the sudden interest with mid-life crises? Holly pointed me to a certain Jezebel post about why older men date younger. Even OK Cupid’s 2010 survey proved that men are continually searching the younger ranks (we’re talking 18-30 year olds) even though their AARP letters are starting to roll in.

When you think about the famous instances of guys cradle-robbing (*cough* Hugh Hefner *cough*), how can you think it’s normal, or anywhere near acceptable? Personally I would go for a hot car over a hot college student (or high school student, at that) any day -- but maybe that’s just my happy marriage to my hot wife (who looks more like a hot college student than she thinks) talking.

I just don’t understand the obsession with looking to younger women for personal gratification. Sure you may be getting a beer gut, or gray hairs, but seriously, haven’t you heard of the gym or “Just for Men”? Okay, maybe I’m sounding preachy and just a tiny bit like Holly now, but it’s true. I would think the difference in age would lead to less satisfying interactions and all-around relationships (but maybe that’s not what they’re looking for?). It speaks volumes that women are looking for mature relationships, i.e. from men their own age. Plus, if they looked to even younger guys, the men would either be jobless or utterly immature (I remember how I was in my 20s, and it was less than attractive).

So what do you guys think -- is it just about feeling better about themselves? Shouldn’t people just accept aging and grow up?! Is there a huge age gap in your relationship? Does it help or hinder things? Holly and I are pretty close in age, which helps I think. We’re maturing and aging together.

Sexual Promiscuity in the Mosuo Community

Holly — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 09:00:00 GMT

It’s hard for me to picture a polygamous relationship, let alone a society without any sort of relationship distinctions. A recent blog post on Psychology Today discussed a society in China called the Mosuo; they’re a matrilineal, agricultural society that practices sexual freedom. What exactly does this mean? For one, property is only passed down to daughters. Like the article says, “When girls turn 14, they get their own bedroom with a separate entrance, so they can have nightly visitors of their own choosing. Once a girl gets pregnant, her brothers are expected to assist her in the rearing of her children.” I don’t think I’m the first to admit that if I were to have help from my siblings (let alone brothers!) with raising my kids, it would make the whole idea a lot more appealing…and a lot less daunting!

But that’s not what I’m here to discuss, which is sexual promiscuity. Callers come and go as they are asked. The kicker? A gentleman can stay the night, but he’s gotta be out by sunrise! Talk about love ’em and leave ’em. The Mosuo generally maintain numerous sexual partners and any type of jealousy is seen as aggressive and an infringement on their way of life.

This idea seems so foreign nowadays, but according to the article, our prehistoric ancestors lived quite a similar lifestyle. They lived in “tribes of 100-150 in which everyone maintained several casual sexual relationships and paternal responsibility was distributed among all of a woman's lovers.”

When I stop to think about all these people caring for one child, the family support structure is inspiring. One of your fathers dies prematurely? You have x more to support and love you until adulthood. So is their key to happiness the communal child rearing or constantly sharing your bed with a new partner?

Either way, I’m not sure I can get on-board. I certainly give a tip of my hat to the ballsy Mosuo women, they are the ultimate bachelors. They get to have tons of sex and sure they’ll get pregnant, but they don’t have to worry about the burden of taking care of a fatherless child, because they’ll have a plethora of fathers to watch after the kids.

What do you ladies think? Are you packing your bags and heading for China to join the ranks of the Mosuo? Do you think the Mosuo society is possible in the US? I have a feeling in our society the Mosuo women would be called whores or sluts. It kind of reminds me of Sister Wives, but where the women can have multiple lovers… thoughts?

Hey, We're Different -- But We Compromise

Stephanie and Dave — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

We bicker. Sometimes we fight. Hey, I'm a hot-headed Italian girl. Trust me. And ask Dave. Luckily, he and I enjoy a lot of the same activities and have gotten the other to try different things too. This past Sunday, I ran my second New York City Marathon. When I met Dave he couldn't run a mile. Two months ago, he finished a triathlon. He's gotten me more into history and politics and independent film. But one thing we can't seem to find a middle ground for is the remote control.

I tease Steph because she likes to come home and turn on reality shows that chronicle the vacuous lives of the mediocre. What she gains intellectually from the likes of Kim Kardashian and the housewives of Orange County is beyond me.

I'm fine with the the fact that I think to indulge in reality TV. The truth is, my goal is to shut off my intellect and relax with something mindless at the end of the day. Being a television field reporter in New York City, I'm dealing with stories of murder, robbery and abuse everyday. The last thing I want to do when I get home is join Dave on the couch as he watches a History Channel documentary about the blueprints of Hitler's bunker.

Sundays in the fall are all about football for me. It's an indulgence. It's not just about the sport.It's also about good old-fashioned American gluttony. I bring in lunch, sprawl on my couch and have my fantasy football updates at an arm's length for seven hours straight. Steph can't even fake an interest in football (if she calls the Chicago Bears "The Cubs" one more time....). So now we do a 10 mile pre-football Sunday bike ride to her favorite farmers market. Lord knows how, but she derives joy from meticulously searching for the perfectly ripened squash. I get to spend the rest of the day hangin' with the Fox Football Robot. It's all about compromise. But we've had our share of battles to reach this point.

What battles did you and your significant other wage -- and what compromises did you reach as a result? Are you happy with those compromises?

Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a writer and stand up comedian in New York City. The NY area can see him Tuesday night at Irish Exit and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).

Coming on 11/11/11: The Nest Ultimate Anniversary Ideas Guide!

The Nest Editors — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Whether you're getting ready to celebrate your first anniversary -- or you're all the way into double digits -- The Nest is about to become your A-Z anniversary resource. Coming soon, an entire channel dedicated to one of the biggest days of the year for Nesties. Check back on 11/11/11 -- officially the coolest anniversary date ever (and the easiest to remember) for all things anniversary, such as:

Anniversary gift guides: We recruited some of the most influential home decor bloggers to handpick anniversary gifts for years one through 11, based on each year's traditional materials (a.k.a. paper for year one, plastic for year two, leather for year three, and so on). Plus, 30 ideas for each year to inspire your gift-giving creativity. (For now, check out our blog, Nest Obsessed, for our up-to-the-minute product picks.)

A $1,000 white gold-and-diamond anniversary band giveaway: Yes, you read that correctly. Our friends over at ArtCarvedBridal.com -- your source for some of the most amazing baubles on the web -- are giving away one stunning diamond ring to one lucky Nestie! Be sure to check back on 11/11 to enter for your chance to win.

Anniversary meal ideas: Staying home for your big day? We've got some of the most delectable -- yet totally doable -- meals to whip up for your sweetie. Plus, the best low-price wine recommendations! (Hungry? Check out some of these amazingly easy weeknight recipes.)

Sizzling anniversary getaways: We round up some of the sexiest and most affordable trips (and staycations) for couples. (Here are few great trips for two we came up with already.)

Celebrity anniversaries: Ever wonder which famous couples share your wedding date? We've got the most comprehensive list of celeb anniversaries you'll find anywhere.

And lots more!

Mark your calendars: 11/11/11 is the day we unveil The Nest Anniversary channel. Cheers!

Fairytale Romances

Jack — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I’ve never quite understood the obsession with fairytales, but I suppose they weren’t ever aimed at my audience…or sex, for that matter. And I’m absolutely confused by all the Kim and Kris hoopla -- especially since, who really thought they would ever work out? Despite his basketball salary, the guy is more like me than any of Kim’s entourage.

Sure, little girls have grown up rooting for the likes of Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel, so cheering for a happily-ever-after has been drilled in since toddlerdom. But with so much pressure surrounding weddings, I’m surprised more people don’t elope -- btw our wedding was awesome and stress-free (well, that’s a lie, but it was awesome).

When I hear about couples who have been together for less than a year -- and they’re getting married -- I can’t help but question their lasting power (of course my scoffs are always behind closed doors or under my breath). If no one spoke out about it before the engagement, then who am I to be the bearer of bad news? I have so many friends who are engaged, but they still haven’t had their first fight yet! Or they haven’t lived together. (I’m a huge proponent of co-habitating before marriage -- case in point: The No Fart Club) You should know what to expect about your spouse’s living habits before you say I do. Because no matter how hard you try, you won’t ever change your partner.

So why do we still believe that fairytales can happen with so much evidence to the contrary? I’m the first to admit that we all need something to look forward to. At one point, we’ll probably hold our own lives to that standard. I mean, there’s a reason that every fairytale ends with the happily ever after image at the altar: If they showed the following day or week at home, it wouldn’t be as glitzy or glamorous. It would be filled with just as many ups and downs, and perhaps a few snow white and prince charming divorces.

What about you guys -- do you think we need fairytale endings? What’s your theory on why we believe them after so much evidence to the contrary?

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Say It Ain't So!

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

As I sat and gawked over the Kardashian wedding extravaganza a few weeks ago, I vividly remember a text that came through from my girlfriend, Stephanie, who was also amazed by the glitz and glamour of it all. The text read, "this is never gonna last." Lo and behold, she was right! Shocker!

Watching this whirlwind marriage as a reality voyeur, I wondered if it really was all just a publicity stunt (who wasn't wondering that, right?). I went to bed last night thankful for my biance, Dave, and our life together. About 72 days into our relationship, we encountered a huge challenge. I got a reporting gig in New York and Dave was set to stay in L.A. for the time being. I wasn't ready to give up a huge job opportunity in NYC for the sake of "us" just yet. We didn't throw in the towel, mind you. We went with it the long-distance relationship route -- and those were a hard six months, but we made it work -- way past the 72-day mark.

Despite the long distance, we still managed to break major dating barriers in that short of time: Meeting the parents, saying "I love you," talking about our future, etc. All from across the country!

So back to the Kardashian-Humphries fiasco. I'm really disappointed with how this all went down for 'ol Kimmie K. If this was publicity stunt, why didn't they wait at least a year, then call it off? Kim, you would have given single girls everywhere a little time to watch your wedding on repeat and hope for the same happy ending. (Yes, I'm a true girl.)

Yes, Steph, the Kardashian-Humphries union lasted 72 days. And I find it ironic how you refer to the wedding as an "ending." Some say that the whole marriage was a just a money-making publicity stunt engineered to garner fame and viewers for their ever-so hyped wedding broadcast on the E! channel. That's a fair theory. But consider this one: According to Datingish.com, three months (around 90 days) is the appropriate amount of time for a girl to fart in front of her significant other. Just 18 days short of the floodgates of flatulence being broken, Kim files for divorce. Coincidence? I think not.

What do you think about the Kardashian-Humphries divorce? Publicity stunt? Honest mistake? Flatulence fiasco?

Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a standup comedian and writer in New York City. You can see a list of his upcoming performances at DaveSiegel.com and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).

Sexual Favors: Do You Owe Your Spouse Sex?

Holly — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:00:00 GMT

I came across a recent story in Huffington Post's Divorce section. It's about whether or not we owe our spouses sex. Let me get one thing out in the open here: I don't think we owe anything, but I do agree that with marriage, comes the occasional night when you're not in the mood but should still rouse yourself for a go (because, you know, you'll probably enjoy it).

But let me back up a bit. A few months ago I found out I have an autoimmune disease. Don't worry -- it's really nothing serious. it just causes hypothyroidism -- a.k.a. my thyroid gland hates me and has decided to stop functioning the way I need it to. It took a few visits to several doctors (including an endocrinologist) and countless blood tests for me to accept that I would have to take drugs for the rest of my life (and possibly have trouble conceiving, but that's for another time).

I felt trapped by my constant visits to the pharmacy and doctors -- let alone all the symptoms that led me to see a doctor in the first place: I always felt sluggish (and often depressed for no reason), found it next to impossible to lose weight (and still do) and, on top of it all, my sex drive took a free fall into oblivion.

Before my prescription kicked in (and before I decided to actually take it), I simply couldn't get in the mood. And Jack couldn't have been more supportive. Whenever I tried to muster the energy, Jack would always question whether I actually was into it. Here's the thing: I felt obligated. Part of that obligation came from my wanting Jack to not feel neglected, but a lot of it came from expectations society has built for us as husbands and wives.

Jack always argued that I should never feel as though I owe him. Which is true. Intimacy is healthy, and like the author of the HuffPo article says, "How would you feel enduring one year, three years, five years -- without being touched by the person you love? What happens to your self-esteem, to your outlook, to other aspects of your emotional and physical well-being?" When put in these terms, I can completely understand that years of a sexless marriage, or one lacking any intimacy, could spell divorce.

Nowadays things have gone back to normal, but the whole experience really made our relationship stronger. I'll admit it still sucks taking a little pill every morning, but I'd take that over my thyroid shutting down or going without some quality get-down time with my man any day.

What about you ladies -- do you feel like you owe your spouse sex? When you consider that less than half of couples have sex on their wedding night (the one night when I think it's pretty "expected" that you have sex), really puts sexual obligations into perspective. I think sexual intimacy is a necessity in any healthy marriage but when it becomes an obligation, a duty, a trial on the marriage, is it time to worry?

Sleepy Sex and Sexsomnia

Jack — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I always knew sleep and sex were connected, but it wasn’t until Holly passed along a recent article in Psychology Today that I truly learned about their intimate relations to each other. Maybe it’s just because it’s been a long week and I’m really tired, but I was excited to read about sleep. And learning a few new things about sex wasn't so bad either.

For instance, did you know that you can have sex while you’re asleep? Awesome, right? But in the case of people who have this particular disorder -- called sexsomia -- they actually don't remember it the next day. Not so sexy anymore, huh? Kinda creepy. In fact, apparently there was one guy who got his wife pregnant while he was fast asleep. Imagine telling that story to the in-laws?

Holly and I will both admit that it’s hard to find time to have sex: We have odd work schedules and don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like. This article proposes that couples shouldn’t have sex only before bed, but sometimes it can be hard to find any other time -- or place -- to do the deed. [http://ideas.thenest.com/love-and-sex-advice/sex-questions-advice/slideshows/stop-the-sexcuses-have-more-sex.aspx?MsdVisit=1] I guess if it’s for the sake of better sex and better sleep, though, heck, sign me up (btw, check this out: Holly was considering getting us separate beds so we could sleep better.

Ultimately, this is the part I found most interesting: According to the article, sleep actually improves sex. And often, waking someone up from sleep (especially their R.E.M. cycle) for sex can increase the pleasure experience. That's like an ultimate fantasy (talk about a good start to the day), but I know Holly is not a morning person. Maybe I can convince her to do it for science?

So what do you think: Could you possibly be a sexsomniac? And what side of the bed -- I mean, debate -- are you on: before-bed sex or morning sex?

Meeting the Parents, Biance Style

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

"Meeting the parents" is always a tough one. You can usually count on your significant other to soften the blow, though, buffering the conversation much like the dude on the tarmac guiding the plane to the gate. This was not the case when I met Steph's mom.

Dave had told me tons of stories about his parents, but I had yet to meet them. One day, when we were living in L.A., his parents invited us to travel across country -- back to New York -- for my first Passover. I knew that meeting his parents for the first time was going to be an event.

The way I was first invited to meet Steph's parents was a little bit different. I was doing stand up for the weekend in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Steph's mom happened to be in Boca Raton for a few days. Our trips were to overlap by one day. "I'd like to meet him for dinner," Stephanie's mom told her, and she conveyed the message to me. No buffer, was the first thing I thought. No Stephanie. No Stephanie's dad. Call me crazy, but it was going to be like going on a date...with my girlfriend's mother.

I arrive in New York, cute dress and all, but I'm nervous. Dave had done a good job of preparing me with graphic stories about his parents' personalities. His dad is a jokester. Each year, when his birthday comes around, the kids tell him to blow out the candles and make a wish. He does so and then subtly looks to his wife and says, "She's still here!" All I know about Dave's mom is that she once told him to go buy a new toilet seat and to take the old one (that had been on the bowl for more than 10 years) with him to match the size.

First impression: Steph's mom is the 50-something year-old version of Steph. On the one hand, she's very attractive -- but on the other, it's a little off-putting to catch a glimpse of Steph in the year 2036. After the typical small talk, she asks me, "So are you guys living together?" Um, WHAT? Steph didn't fill her in?! Two minutes into meeting this kind and unsuspecting woman, I'm forced to lie. "No! We live around the corner from each other, so we spend a lot of time together." *Gulp*

Dave's parents are so happy to meet me. His mom is just as I pictured: a bit Fran Drescher, a bit Linda Richmond (of "Coffee Talk" fame). The hair, makeup, bangles and voice instantly make me comfortable. The first words out of her mouth are "Oh my gawd, you're even more gawgeous in person...and so tiny!"

Steph's mom's second question to me: "Because why would you want the cow if you can get the milk for free?" I'm pretty sure we're now discussing my sex life. Help. Waiter, can we order?

We've since moved to New York, not far from Dave's fam. They've become a big part of our life and the source of much laughter. In fact, his mom's laugh is even bigger than mine and tends to scare children and old people!

I have to admit, overall, the evening turned out just fine. More than fine, in fact. Stephanie has a great family, and now that we live on the east coast, we see them more than ever. All's well that ends well, right?

We're wondering what your experiences with "meeting the parents" was like. Got any gems you want to share with us?!

Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Cheating. A word that holds so many stigmas and stereotypes, I can’t keep count. I think I’ve always associated cheating with men -- probably just because famous cheaters are splashed across daily headlines -- but an article on The Daily Beast introduces us to (not-so?) unlikely cheaters like Shauna, a woman who’s been married for years, but also has been in a two-decade-long affair with her gardener. Shauna and a slew of other unconventionally married woman are profiled in a new book, The Secret Lives of Wives.

In the book, author Iris Krasnow exlores the love lives of more than 200 women. During her two years of research, Krasnow discovered that many women are looking outside of their homes for true fulfillment at home. Like Shauna says, “My husband is only capable of doing so much, and it’s not enough.” So she keeps her gardener for daytime romps. (Hmm...the garden...tempation. This is getting deep...)

Ladies, I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to marriage and monogamy -- mainly that they should go hand in hand. And when Krasnow (a professor at American University and in a monogamous 23 year-long marriage) says something so brash as, “To expect one person, man or woman, to make you happy for the rest of your life is a ticket to divorce,” I can't help but be taken aback.

Then I read on: Krasnow says that most of the women she interviewed who are content with their marriages and lives have something going on outside of the marriage -- whether it's an affair that's been okayed by a spouse, a "harmless" flirtation, full-blown cheating or just a non-sexual recreational pursuit. At this point in my life, Jack and I are so happy because we have our own lives. But if I didn’t have my writing, would I do something drastic, like have a weekend tryst? Absolutely not -- but this article is suggesting I might.

Now, not all affairs outside the marriage are cheating, as we all know. According to a survey on Oprah.com, “21 percent of men and women happily identify as in an ‘open’ marriage; some 4 million Americans, meanwhile, consider themselves swingers.” Of course, that’s nowhere near the majority of married couples, but it’s certainly nothing to sneeze at. When you consider that 65 percent of women say they would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught, it certainly doesn’t give me much hope for my idea of marriage. But I'll have to make peace with my traditional idea of marriage becoming outmoded -- just as long as Jack never outgrows it!

What do you ladies think? Have you ever cheated? (Don’t worry -- I can (almost) guarantee your hubby won’t know your online handle!) Do you believe an affair (secret or consensual) can hold your marriage together -- or will it inevitable break it apart?

Do Man Caves Equal the End of Your Marriage?

Jack — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Even if we had space in our miniscule Manhattan apartment, I don’t think I would have a man cave.

For one, I seriously doubt Holly would appreciate pizza boxes strewn around, video games constantly on stand-by, or my guy friends coming and going as they please. At least, that’s how I imagine a man cave would operate. A recent article on Psychology Today just proves that it’s a bad idea, not only for my sanity (ie, not turning into a caveman -- get it?) but also for Holly and I’s relationship well-being. The whole idea that men have these places they escape to and revert back to their manly chest-beating ways, raises a huge red flag for any relationship, and no one needs this story to tell you that.

“The deceptive man can retreat to his Man Cave and take off his costume, wash off his greasepaint, kick up his heels and relax with a languid smoke before he has to return for his next scene,” says the article. But, if you’re unable to be yourself around your spouse, be it watching the shows you want or eating the food you prefer, then you’re probably not with the right person. Of course, there are some exceptions -- I mean, you all know how I feel about farting (and how it shouldn’t be done around Holly), but that’s just common courtesy. It’s called trying, people. Keeping the illusion of lack-of-flatulence alive in our marriage truly does help.

But I gotta say, I couldn’t agree more that man caves are a bad sign in any relationship. I mean, picture this guys -- what if your wife had this space in your house totally decked out in Housewives of Jersey memorabilia, Sex and the City posters and a makeover station? I get the chills just thinking about it. Sure, Holly would never do this, but I imagine the worst.

What do you guys think -- are man caves a symptom of something bigger or just a place to watch the game and eat way too many buffalo wings?

I'm Her First Boyfriend

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Hey guys. It's Dave. Stephanie is getting waxed. That may take awhile, so it'll just be me today.

If you’re familiar with our backstory, then you know that Stephanie and I are sorta almost kinda married, but not. I recognize the fact that it takes a certain type of girl to tolerate me. I think about the girls I dated prior to Stephanie. I always considered myself to be a really cool boyfriend for, say, two months. That seems to be the grace period -- when a girl can bring their friends to my comedy shows (I do standup), pick up the tickets that I left at will-call and show off to her friends that her new boyfriend does something a little different.

That thrill soon wears off. All of a sudden, it's less about how cool it is that I have a gig in DC this weekend and more about "This weekend?? That's Lindsey's engagement party!" So it doesn't always work out, you know? But I do feel those experiences with exes have only made me wiser in the art of the relationship.

Now let's take a look at Stephanie's exes. Here is a list of them, in chronological order:

That's right: I’m Stephanie’s first boyfriend! She was 26 when I met her. That's got to be a red flag, right?

Listen to how I found out: About a year ago, Steph and I took a trip to Naples, Florida, to visit a bunch of her friends and former coworkers. She was a reporter for the ABC affiliate down there before moving to Los Angeles, where we met. Upon being introduced to me, everyone, from her fellow reporters to the chief of police (seriously), tenderly placed a hand on my arm, looked me in the eye and said some derivative of, "We are so glad Stephanie finally met someone." WTF?! I felt like I’d been shopping off the “as-is” rack, only I couldn't find the damage!

Occasionally, after one too many gin and tonics on New Year’s Eve -- or after having read a flirtatious comment on my Facebook wall from a fan -- Steph will bust a sanity spark and go monkey-frenzy crazy on me. It's times Iike these that I’ll come out with something along the lines of, "Ooh, now I get why you’ve never had a boyfriend.” At this point, instead of getting angrier (I know, it’s a little mean), Steph usually lets out one of her trademark, irresistible guffaws -- and that is what makes her a great match for me.

So she has zero relationship experience, but it’s better than dating a triple divorcee with more baggage than Samsonite, right?

What do you think: Was your significant other’s past relationship experience -- or lack thereof -- ever an issue for you?

All the Single Ladies

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Ladies, have I got a story for you! One of my colleagues pointed me to this one on the Today show's website about the growing number of women who are opting out of marriage and for a life of no-strings-attached singledom. According to the 2010 census bureau report, a whopping 50% of the adult population is single, compared to just 33% back in 1950, when the MRS degree was oh-so-popular. Each time I write about one of these stories on the decline of marriage, I find it a depressing but nonetheless interesting.

Jack and I chose to get married because we loved each other and really couldn’t see another option. We were at about the same income level, so there was really no economic benefit to being married on either end. Nowadays, so many women are choosing to buck the traditional idea of marriage. But I’m a bit confused. The point of the story is this: Gone is the necessity of marriage, to marry up and be supported by your husband. Instead, one woman says, the female status in the workplace is forever ascending, while men’s roles are declining.

But what about the idea of romance, love and happiness with another person, which ultimately leads to marriage? The women in this segment seem to be completely content being alone (which is fine in my book) and are utterly focused on themselves and their independence. But what if the right man or woman comes along and they’re too focused on the end game -- be it climbing to CEO or visiting all seven continents -- to notice? Sure, this is a longshot, but what if?

I think women put pressure on themselves to appear independent and self-sufficient, but sometimes, I really do need Jack to open a jar of pickles (okay, that’s not a huge task, but still). We aren’t looking to be rescued, but who isn’t looking for love? Can you look me in the eye and tell me you’re not? Jack isn't my savior, but heck, I still wanted someone in my life for love and support -- even though I support myself, have my own friends and a good career. Is there really something wrong with that?

What's your opinion on being single by choice: Is it a life choice, or simply a justification?

Honoring the Late Steve Jobs

Jack — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I’ve never been a serious technology consumer, but I have to tip my hat for the late Steve Jobs (1955-2011). In just 56 short years, he’s accomplished more than I had ever dreamed of even as a little boy (fyi, I always wanted to be a fireman, but nowadays, the idea of running into a burning building just scares the living s#it outta me).

Considering the guy was a college dropout, it was against the odds that he'd start up a legendary technology company with a market value of $350 billion -- in his parents' garage, no less. You know what I did in my parent’s garage? You don't want to know.

In an address to Stanford University, Jobs admitted to having dropped out college because he felt he was wasting his parents' hard-earned savings. Befitting for a man who made his first significant profits as a high school student selling devices that allowed people to make freee (illegal) phone calls and was once fired from his own company to boldy (and eloquently) face an audience of new graduates and explain to them how quitting school was the best decision he'd ever made, because it allowed him to pursue his own curiosity instead of "the well-worn path."

His advice may not apply to everyone, but it does speak the different ways we can acheive success by not wasting our time "living someone else's life." Those are words I won't soon forget. Fireman? I guess that's just someone else's life. The fact that I'm happy with my life shows me that I followed my intuition, which Jobs always encouraged over all else.

Jobs was a visionary in my books. Even if you’re not an Apple fanatic (hey, I'm a PC after all), you have to respect this guy. So, what do you think the late, great Steve Jobs crowning acheivement was?

We Got Into a Fight Over a Gift.

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Stephanie and I have had fights over inappropriate Facebook comments, Valentine's Day plans and countless other paramount events. But one curveball that I definitely did not see coming spawned from my simple “mistake” of telling Stephanie that I wanted to buy her a gift. That's right -- a gift! No good deed....

September 16 marked two years that Dave and I have been together. That’s two anniversaries, two Christmases, two birthdays (well, four) and other countless holidays and celebratory occasions. To date, I’ve gotten two tangible gifts. I’ll spare you the daunting details; let’s just say I’m not always a happy camper.

I’m the first to admit that I have some unorthodox views regarding gifting. I know this is sacrilegious to say to the readers of The Knot and The Nest, but -- I think wedding registries are disgusting! I just don’t understand them. We may not be married, but when I told Stephanie that I wanted to buy her a gift for an unsolicited favor she’d done for me, she basically gave me her registry by saying, “Great, you can go to this costume jewelry store I love.”

This sounds bad, but when Dave told me he wanted to buy me something, I made a mental list of things I wanted. Okay, I’m lying: I had actually written down some of the gifts I would love to receive, in case one day he decided to listen. I didn’t make a demand, mind you -- just a mere suggestion for him to check out this jewelry designer that I loved. They have special pieces that I wouldn’t buy for myself, so why not tell him?

Was it really so wrong to say, “I'd rather just get you something on my own”? I could tell we were entering tenacious waters, so I followed up with, “Okay, but that's not really what I think gift giving is about. I want to run around the city looking for the right gift. I want to find something that I pick out that I think you’d like.”

When I get Dave gifts, I go out with a list of things he’s mentioned saying he wants. Pants, Starbucks card, new running shorts. If I ran around New York searching for something else, I’d just be wasting time and possibly getting him something he won’t like. I just don’t think it’s worth the possible disappointment. Giving your significant other something you know they want is special!

She never saw my side. So guess what? I never bought her a gift. Gentlemen (all three of you reading this): Next time it crosses your mind to get your girl a gift, just keep your mouth shut and go out and get it. Don't mention you’re thinking about possibly getting her a gift. Trust me.

I've come to terms with the fact that Dave will never get me anything that's on my list. So in the future, should I just let him do his thing -- or should I make a better case for my wish list?

Imma Let You Finish, Kanye -- Wait, No I’m Not

Holly — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 08:00:00 GMT

He may be well-known for his inappropriate behavior at awards ceremonies, and maybe even a good song or two, but one thing Kanye doesn’t have a forte for? Women’s fashion. And who really thought he’d be able to pull it off?? I mean, the man doesn’t have especially impeccable fashion sense, unlike, say, George Clooney (now there’s a celeb who’s got some serious style) -- can you say silver fox?

But I digress. I’m so glad I stumbled on this story on Gawker about Kanye’s fashion line in Paris’s spring/summer ready-to-wear collections. Most reviewers stuck with the “stick to your day job” line for West, but Women’s Wear Daily held on to the saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” reporting: “The collection turned out to be neither triumph nor train wreck. It had the earnest veneer of a beginner, which was sort of endearing." Yeah, totally -- that terrifying leather-shirt-dress-fur concoction was exceptionally cute(?!). And really, those dresses (yes, there were many of them) with horizontal slits all over were completely fashion-forward. So forward they didn’t really look like dresses --more like big rhinestone-encrusted bandages. So chic.

But I’ve gotta hand it to the guy for stepping out of his comfort zone. Sure, he knows nothing about dressing a woman -- The New York Times noted that “most of the clothes suffered from a poor fit” -- but he really tried, ladies. Then again, if I’d been there, I wouldn’t have let him finish that runway show. Alright, so maybe I’m not that ballsy, but I might have tried to trip him when he did his walk at the end of the show (so would a ton of these Nesties, I think ). PS: I’m pretty sure if I ever wore any of these outfits, it would be a deal breaker for Jack....

What do you guys think -- is Kanye a man ahead of his time or just a man who should be ignored?

He Said: On Marrying the Wrong Person

Jack — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I was shocked when Holly showed me an article on the Huffington Post about how 30 percent of divorced women knew they were marrying the wrong guy on their wedding day.

I had Holly ask her girlfriends about this, and her findings were even more ridiculous. One woman told Holly that she knew her ex-husband was the wrong guy when they didn’t have sex at all on the honeymoon. Let me give my perspective on this: I don’t completely understand a sexless wedding night. I mean, I know it’s been a stressful run and you’re tired and drunk (okay, I guess I can sort of comprehend taking the night off), but you’re still married, and that calls for a celebration. And in this woman’s case -- the entire honeymoon? That’s a red flag, bad omen, bad sign, if there ever was one.

So why do people (yes, guys do it too) go through with marrying the wrong person? According to author Jennifer Gauvain, there are five main reasons for women: they’ve dated for so long that they don't want to waste all of that time for nothing, fear of being alone, the (ridiculous) belief that he'll change after the wedding, it’s too late to call off the wedding and, finally, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. So many of these reasons are total cop-outs -- sure, it would be embarrassing to call off the wedding, and it wastes money, but it’s better than 10 years of a failed marriage and alimony fees (not to mention long days in court).

To be expected, though, the overwhelming reasons guys went through with the wedding when they knew the marriage was doomed? A sense of obligation, duty and concern for their fiance’s well-being. It’s a chivalrous thing to go through with a wedding, but certainly not in the long run! I, for one, of course had day-of jitters, but nothing that made me doubt for a second that Holly and I would make it. If I’d had those thoughts, we would’ve talked about them, even if it was before we were supposed to walk down the aisle.

What do you guys think of these stats? It’s depressing to think that thousands of divorces could’ve been prevented had the couples been true to themselves (I know, I’m getting cheesy now) and actually backed away when they had the chance for a free and clear exit.

My Almost Married Life: Meet the Biances!

Stephanie and Dave — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I'm Stephanie.

And I'm Dave.

We're excited to join Holly and Jack as new bloggers for My Married Life! Except...we're not married. So our situation is more like, My Almost Married life. Dave and I have been in a committed, loving relationship for two years. We even live together. I would love to get married! Dave, well, he's not ready.

Like Stephanie said, we live together, share a life and even discuss marriage. But I was actually standing next to Stephanie when her younger sister was proposed to -- right in front of us. Happy occasion my ass.

Fast forward to a year later and all the arrangements for my sister's big day were in place. It looks like I'll still be the maid of honor with a boyfriend -- and no ring.

S ince her sister's engagement, it seems Stephanie has come up with a new title for my half of the relationship.One that is more serious than boyfriend but not a fiance. You might want to get that vomit bag ready. In 3... 2... 1..

HE'S MY BIANCE! (Get it? Boyfriend/fiance?) So, wedding weekend is here. I'm definitely nervous, excited, anxious ... all those things. But also confident. I may not have the ring yet, but I'm walking in with Dave -- my biance.

Stephanie likes to think that she was the victim in this whole celebration, being the older sib. However, that distinction would belong to your humble narrator. A Jew sets foot in a church and we already feel a tad off. On top of this, I had to fend off a network of Stephanie's Italian cousins forming a pyramid behind me. "So, when are you twos getting married?" (twos?). "How long have youz guys been datin' now?" "You're next huh?" I was spun around in a tornado of hair and cologne, answering questions and just waiting for the reception.

I figured my family would descend on Dave, but nothing could have prepared me for what I witnessed. My biance handled the four hour-reception with total and utter grace. He walked my grandparents down the aisle at church. While the immediate family got whisked away by photographers, Dave held his own, answering all questions that came his way -- and even made a few new friends. As awesome as it was to see this transpiring, I wasn't all that surprised. It's the reason he's my one and only biance after all.

But seriously, when is he gonna put a ring on it?

Parents Playing Favorites

Holly — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

This weekend I was reading Time and came across the cover story about how parents play favorites with their kids (cue the gasp -- c’mon, we all knew it was true). The article says that however well parents may hide it -- and they really do try to bury those thoughts deep down -- their preference for one child over the other(s) is still quite obvious.

Researchers brought together nearly 400 sibling pairs and their parents and visited them each three times over three years. The findings showed that the elder of the children would most likely be favored, with the theory that you favor what you invest more time and energy into. So if this child was an only child for, say, four years, those four years were spent devoting absolute attention toward that one kid. Enter second child. All of a sudden, there’s not enough time or energy to spend on the second child and equally watch over child number one too. Child number one will always be better off -- that is, until kid number three arrives on the scene. In cases where there are two boys and one girl, the girl is favored because of her “unique gender.” I guess I get that -- I mean, mom won’t be able to go shopping or to the salon with most teenage boys. And I know that’s always a mom’s dream (heck, I wanna take my to-be daughter shopping too!). The same goes for families with two girls and one boy. Even if the sole girl or boy is the middle child, they’ll likely beat out the others for the parents’ affection.

What peaked my interest even more was in certain cases where children with disabilities or ailments were favored despite being a middle or second child, boy or girl. Parents will devote more energy toward this kid to compensate for their less-than-average performance (I don’t mean for that to sound as bad as it does!). I can understand that -- one of my brothers was born premature, and to avoid divulging too much information, I’ll just say he was about in the middle of us kids (which is where the favoritism isn’t expected), and for all intents and purposes in my book, I’d say he’s my dad’s fave. This isn’t to say that he didn’t grow up to be perfectly normal (actually, well above average, attending a top school and landing a job before he even graduated, ugh). There’s no jealousy there....

I could go on for hours about this article because it absolutely fascinates me (mostly because I always knew my brother was the fave of the fam). But also because all of this leads back to how kids grow up. Often, there are two scenarios that can play out for a child who’s shown favoritism: They grow up to be super-successful and confident, or they grow up to be stuck-up and not as motivated because things were always handed to them. Then there’s dealing with your siblings. Not exactly a walk in the park when they inevitably pick up on their parents’ (however well-masked the favoritism is) signals and pester and pick on their rivals. But then again, this other article mentioned that kids with sisters were happier.

So what about you guys? Did you grow up with siblings, and can you pick out the favorite (you may even be it!)?

Would You Have a Metal Coil Inserted into Your Fallopian Tubes?

Kristine Solomon — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Since Monday is World Contraception Day, we’ve been doing our homework on contraceptive measures and found out about the device you see above. While it looks like a spring that just popped out of your click pen, it's actually the most effective form of birth control out there.

It’s called Essure, and here’s how it works: That spring-like device is inserted into each of your fallopian tubes permanently -- and without any incisions. Over the course of a few months, a barrier of scar tissue grows around the coils, and voila! Instant (and hormone-free) birth control that you never even have to think about.

A few of us here at The Nest were quite intrigued by this tiny coil. A few others, well, let’s just say we recoiled at the very mention of this outpatient procedure, which the company says takes about 10 minutes, feels similar to having menstrual cramps and requires pretty much no recovery time -- you can march on out of that doctor's office immediately.

I, for one, am on the “ew” side of the argument. But that’s just because I’m squeamish about implanting permanent devices in my lady parts. I mean, look at that thing (I meant the spring!).

So what about you? Would you consider using Essure or a similar device if you were done having kids?

Everyday addictions.

Jack — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I stumbled upon an article from Cracked.com recently about things you do every day that are actually addictions. It’s so interesting how our brains respond to things that we aren’t even aware of.

Take the first addiction on the list: pop music. Apparently, our brains are hardwired to light up when a catchy tune comes on. In one study, researchers hooked people up to an MRI and played pop songs they’d never heard before. Turns out, our brains can actually predict a good hit -- the pleasure center in our brain goes crazy when we hear something catchy. So no matter what you might claim to enjoy, like that hip indie band that no one has heard of, like the article says, “Your brain is secretly into Justin Bieber.”

Then there’s the next item on the list: salty food. Now, I’ll admit it -- I’m a bit addicted to salt and vinegar chips, but I didn’t know I had such a problem (these Nesties are addicted to pretzels, so I’m not alone! ). Obviously our bodies need salt to survive because, according to the article, “it regulates blood pressure and keeps your nerves working.” Our bodies have no way of producing it, so our brains have actually evolved to treat the tasty condiment like it’s…well, crack. So just like with any addiction, our brain doesn’t know how to turn our cravings off, hence my incessant yearning for chips.

The last one of note: addiction to lip balm. I can’t even explain this because it seems so weird. I think it's more of a girl thing. Am I wrong about this?

Holly already put in her two cents on sex addiction. But can you believe that chewing ice is an actual addiction? Kind of makes me wonder about my daily habits -- what if brushing my teeth is an addiction? What do you guys think about this list?

A Healthy Marriage Equals a Healthy Heart

Holly — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I’ve always been a pretty big (huge) proponent of marriage, probably because I consider mine happy and healthy. And I know, I’ve commented on the topic of health and marriage (and how they’re linked) before, but a new study by the University of Rochester actually proves what William Farr couldn’t completely: that being in a happy marriage actually leads to a healthier life.

Better yet, it especially helped all my ladies out there. If you’re satisfied with your marriage, expect to live longer. Okay, maybe I’m taking it too far, but the study actually says that the effect of marital satisfaction is “every bit as important to survival after bypass surgery as more traditional risk factors like tobacco use, obesity, and high blood pressure.”

I know, I just threw bypass surgery in there -- turns out, the study was performed on over 200 married and unmarried men and women who had gotten bypass surgeries. Well get this: those in the group who were married were a whopping three times more likely to be alive 15 years later. Even better though, “Of the happily married women, 83 percent were alive, compared to 28 percent of unhappily wedded women and 27 percent of singles.”

How did marital status affect the guys in the study? The guys actually reaped the health benefits of being married regardless of the happiness factor. Personally, I don’t think this is fair. And I’m not quite sure how that makes sense, but the results are interesting and really make me question: if a happy marriage is so strong and potent for people coming out of major surgeries, imagine what it can do for everyday couples. Basically, I’m gonna live until I’m 100. That’s about where Jack and I are aiming.

If this doesn’t give you incentive to work on your marriage (and even your sex life, then I don’t know what would! What about you guys? Are these findings kinda shocking/exciting to you too?

Pets and Their Pain

Holly — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

If I could become a dog lady without judgment and ridicule, I think I’d do it in a heartbeat. I know I’m not the only one who walks down the street and whimpers a little when they see a homeless person with a dog sprawled out on the street. And Jack knows this about me: Without fail, I always head over to give them money. Jack stops me by saying that’s their ploy. But the dog! Those dogs can’t help themselves, so I have to help them -- right? Our little mutt gets enough food to feed half the homeless puppies out there

And that’s how I inevitably decided that I want to take all those helpless dogs in. Why, you might ask, am I confessing my urge to care for all the pups in NYC? Well, I found this article on PsychologyToday.com about how dogs, contrary to previous belief, actually do experience pain similar to humans -- they just don’t display it in the same ways.

It’s appalling that, oftentimes, vets release animals after major surgeries like neutering without painkillers. Like the article says: “Consider the comparable human situation where a woman has had a hysterectomy. Imagine what the response would be if her physician told her that he was not going to prescribe any medication for her since ‘the pain will be good for you because it will keep you quiet while you are healing.’” This was essentially the case for dogs -- the previous belief was to not provide drugs because the little guys weren’t outwardly displaying pain and the calm and quiet would ultimately help them recover.

But now (thank God those researchers wised up), literature shows that pain, over a long period of time, is actually terrible for dogs’ health. Ummmm, doesn’t this seem like a no-brainer to you? The findings show: “Pain is a stressor, and in response to stress the body begins to release a set of stress-related hormones. These affect virtually every system in the body, altering the rate of metabolism, causing neurological responses, causing the heart, thymus glands, adrenal glands and the immune system to go into a high state of activity. If this situation continues long enough these organs may actually become dysfunctional.” Jeez, that doesn’t sound good.

Ultimately, this relates back to me. (Well, and Jack, but he doesn’t know about my plan to turn our house upstate into a doggy sanctuary.) When I take in all those dogs, I will not only keep a careful eye on them -- because dogs have coping mechanisms to deal with pain, like shying away, keeping really quiet and even becoming aggressive to hide their weakened state -- but I’ll also insist on heavy doses of doggy Vicodin (if that exists) when they get a minor surgery. The study shows that the benefits of painkillers after vet visits “include improved respiratory functions, decreasing stress responses surrounding surgery, decreased length of hospitalization, faster recovery to normal mobility, improved rates of healing and even a decreased likelihood of infection after surgery.” There you have it. Sure, I’ll be spending a buttload of money on a pet, but I’m cool with that…

What about y’all: Do you have an urge to rescue every dog on the street? And are you keeping an eye on your little pups like you should be?

Planning a Vacation for Two

Holly — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Jack and I are finally planning a vacation! I know, this doesn’t sound soo exciting, but it is for us. We haven’t had a getaway -- just the two of us -- since our honeymoon. How pathetic is that?

Anywho, I thought this would be a great time to open this one up to y’all. Where should we go? Where have you gone for a romantic jaunt? We’re considering Costa Rica but aren’t opposed to Europe or South America either. Here’s the thing though, we’d like some quality relaxing time (either at the pool or on the beach) but we also want to get out and do things in the area. What I mean to say is…we don’t want to be bored to tears, and from this, get sick of each other after seven days entirely alone.

I’ve checked out some travel sites here and there and browsed around at The Nest’s travel ideas, but I want your opinions! I find direct recommendations and experiences are the best kind. So dish! Where have you been that you wish you could go back (and if we can do it without breaking the bank, even better!)?

Are You Sabotaging Your Friend's Marriage?

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

When your good friend was planning her wedding, you helped her find the perfect wedding dress, organize her bridal shower, and deal with her pushy mother-in-law. But now that she’s married, you still have a big role to play: Your actions and words can influence whether or not she has a happy union. Are you giving her the right guidance, or could you be setting her up to fail without even realizing it? Here are five common mistakes friends make that can wreak havoc on a marriage.

AT&T Trying to Merge with T-Mobile

Holly — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Not your everyday law suit, the government has actually filed suit to block the planned buyout by AT&T over T-Mobile. And here I thought everything was fine between the two companies. I mean T-Mobile has their huge ad campaign with the adorable girl in a pink dress (btw, I very much prefer her to the annoying brunette on the Progressive ads -- but that’s neither here nor there) and AT&T…well, they’re the number two phone company, so they’re not doing too shabby themselves.

But a lawsuit from up above?! That’s just crazy talk. Basically, the government is trying to stop AT&T from having, in essence, a monopoly over the mobile industry. If the second and fourth companies combined the results could mean higher prices for all of us (and I can barely afford my bills now, let alone more jacked up ones!).

The most intriguing part to this suit is that this isn't the first time AT&T is taking over. I did a little digging to find who was the first phone company, and to no one’s surprise, it was the bell phone company. But who sprung from that monopoly powerhouse? You betcha, The American Telephone and Telegraph Company (sense a pattern?). So really they're just trying to go back to their roots of being on top.

But after all that, I can't really talk. I'm a loyal customer. But like I said, don't raise my bills, yeah I’m talking to you Justice Department my bills rest in your hands! What about y'all? How do you feel about this undercover takeover and our government’s attempt to stop it?

10 Questions to Ask Before Having Kids

Jeff Wilser — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

A long time ago, things were simple: A couple gets pregnant, the baby pops out, Mom stays home to raise it, Dad takes the train to Grand Central and works a full day at Sterling Cooper and everyone lives happily ever after. Now? We live in a different time. So no matter how much you love your partner -- and no matter how certain you are that you want to have kids -- you still need to have that Serious Talk to ensure you’re on the same page. Here are the top 10 questions to ask each other (and yourself).

Cute Pet Video Mania!

Holly — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 08:00:00 GMT

It’s about that time of the month when I need a good pick-me-up. The weather is getting a little lousier and I’m on the prowl for a good laugh.

Now, y’all know how I feel about dogs. Jack and I treat our dog, Bernard, like a newborn. Yes, we coo and have "dog voices," so when I came across this goodie on YouTube, I had to click.

Mishka, a beautiful and uber-smart husky actually talks! Now, when I heard about this, I’ll admit I scoffed a little and then immediately ran to my laptop. In this video (one of many -- I’ve seen them all) she says "I love you" and answers the question "Are you stupid?" with a resounding "Noooooo!" What's cuter than that?! Okay, maybe this sleeping puppy is, or these dining dogs.

Join in my puppy fest! Send along your cutest pup videos to us at The Nest. (I don’t discriminate, I’ll take a peek at cat ones too.)

Real-Life Lessons from Reality TV

Erin Zammett Ruddy — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

The Scene: Workaholic Vicki ("I make my own money and I make my own rules") commits to spending more QT with her husband, Donn, doing her part to fill her oft-empty "love tank." The need for this becomes clear during one of the couple’s awkward -- and mostly silent -- date nights, when Vicki admits she doesn’t know Donn’s age! "Are you serious, Vicki?" whimpers a visually crushed Donn.

The Lesson Learned: Relationships don’t nurture themselves.

My Real-Life Try: I surprised my own husband with a reservation at a swanky restaurant (and a babysitter). On a weeknight, no less. The bonding was great, but between the $15 glasses of wine and the steep sitter fee (we tip big when we’re tipsy), it was a costly venture (we dropped about $300 in under three hours -- d’oh!). Love tank: 1; bank account: 0.

East Coast Earthquake

Holly — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I’ve be hearing a bunch of reactions about the east coast earthquake last week. Quite frankly, when my couch started shaking I thought our tiny little apartment was going to crumple into the earth (the building is pretty frickin’ old and they should totally do a home safety inspection. It’s not like New York City buildings are exactly prepared for this type of scenario.

A good friend of mine was working in a building right next to the Empire State Building at the time of the earthquake, and even they didn’t have an earthquake plan. Ummm, shouldn’t we be a little bit more on top of things? Sure West Coasters were laughing at our evacuations and drills, but hello, we have reason to freak out! Maybe y’all sleep through 5.9 shakers, but not us. Well, at least not me.

I didn’t really know what to do so I just stood in our only doorway (our bathroom’s) and thought about the movie The Day After Tomorrow. I guess you could say I wasn’t exactly an optimist -- not my proudest hour.

What about you guys on the east coast -- did you duck and cover?

5 Ways Orgasms Will Save Your Life

Julieanne Smolinski — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Ever have a week when you're so busy you forget to have an orgasm? We didn't think so. And it’s a good thing you two are getting busy all the time, because having orgasms on a regular basis can actually save your life. And unlike other things that are fun and good for you -- like glasses of red wine or handfuls of antioxidant-rich Halloween candy (chocolate's good for you -- look it up) -- you can't have too many orgasms. Plus, they won't result in back fat or gin blossoms. (And no, fake orgasms don't count.)

Abortion, Forgiveness and World Youth Day

Jack — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 08:00:00 GMT

I wouldn’t say I’m terribly religious, but even I was surprised by this announcement from The Vatican: in celebration of World Youth Day, anyone who's had an abortion can confess and be forgiven by the church. Come one, come all excommunicated sinners!

Apparently, this has been going on every year since 1984. For one week, women who've gotten abortions were able to come forth and be forgiven at one of over 200 confession booths in Madrid (it's in a different city/country each year). The church’s World Youth Day came to Madrid at an odd time: Spain’s youth unemployment rate just reached 40 percent. It’s also interesting because abortion is such a tricky subject in Spain: it’s legal but only up until 14 weeks into the term.

Maybe all of this is a sign of a more liberal church? Hmm, doubtful. The Pope gave his two cents on gay rights and marriage as well (plenty of demonstrators attended, and it did get ugly at certain points). Personally, I think the six-day "celebration" is just a yearly ploy to get Catholic church's numbers up -- I hear their membership is dipping lately. If any women were questioning their faith and abortions, they sure aren’t now.

Ok, ok, I’m making light of a serious subject. This is a huge success for pro-choicers out there. Good on the church for offering this option, however short a time span it may be.

I don’t mean to get all political and religious all of a sudden (and Holly always tries to avoid the topic of religion, but hey, it’s an interesting turn of events. What do you guys think?

No Sex (or Kissing!) Before Marriage: A New Trend?

Holly — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 07:00:00 GMT

So lately I’ve been hearing a lot about relationships without premarital sex. First there was Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s sexless courtship (but really, who believes that?). Then you have teen pop sensations the Jonas Brothers who all wear promise rings to show their sexual purity (except, of course, for now-married Kevin). And my personal favorite: The ever-growing über-Christian household on the show 19 Kids and Counting (or however many that mommy has popped out since the show started) just saw one of their sons off at the altar -- the couple hadn’t even kissed before they said their “I dos.”

The plot thickens: Now there’s a dating site for people looking for love, without all that sexy fuss.

Now, if I’ve learned anything from Sex and the City (and Hollywood in general), it’s this: Do the deed before you say “I do.” (Side note: Did you see this Nestie post about a possible return of SATC to TV? ) Charlotte and Trey’s relationship taught us that the deed should be done wayyyy before those nuptials.

Sure, I can understand saving yourself for a while to make sure he or she is the one, but what if, ultimately, that sexual chemistry just isn’t there?

A Real Housewives Suicide

Holly — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve said it before: Reality TV is terrible for your marriage. Relationships just aren’t meant to be broadcast on TV and dissected by complete strangers and the media (yes, I’m aware I’m technically part of the media).

Watch any episode of The Real Housewives of, well, any city, and you’ll see husbands and wives and best friends ready to punch each other out. But those fights probably really only lasted a few moments at that sort of intensity. Add clever editing and “stars” playing it up for the cameras, and you’ve got a recipe for real-life disaster.

Last week, the estranged (and soon-to-be ex) husband of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Taylor Armstrong was found dead after an apparent suicide. This after just one season, mind you (though the show’s been picked up for a second). It’s a tragedy for sure, but one that makes me wonder why people would put their lives and families in jeopardy just for a measure of fame and...well, many of these people already have fortune.

The most interesting twist to the story is a quote from Russell Armstrong last month; he says about his relationship: “We had a wonderful marriage, and I don't want you to get the impression that Taylor and I are bitter enemies -- we're not." So who knows what kind of drama existed behind closed doors, but it’s hard not to think those damn housewives (and the spotlight) changed the couple’s whole reality.

Sigh. I guess we’ll never really know. But I admit, I’ll keep tuning in, trying to find out.

What do you guys think -- was their marriage doomed from the start, or is reality TV a marriage curse? Do you think Taylor feels bad even though she was divorcing him and accusing him of abuse?

Bernie Madoff Is Finally In the Doghouse

Holly — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So, Ruth Madoff has reportedly (finally!) left Bernie Madoff, her husband of over 50 years. Then again, Madoff is on track to be in jail for the rest of his life (or however many years he survives of his 150-year sentence), so their marraige was all but over anyway. Ruth just made it official.

She stuck out longer than his sons were willing to, though. Andrew, their younger son, cut ties with his parents when the whole shebang began. And their eldest son, Mark, sadly committed suicide back in December.

Personally, I can’t really put myself in Mrs. Madoff’s Jimmy Choos. Sure, she’s been in love with Bernie since she was 13, and married to him since 18, but when your own sons give you an ultimatum — us or your lying, cheating husband — hmmm, which would I choose?!

I’d probably go the route that doesn’t involve conjugal visits and prison food — those date nights must really blow. But then again, if my husband was such a sexy piece like Madoff … waiittt a second!

Anyway, I’ve said my piece. What about y’all? You think you would stand by your man if he went to the slammer? What if your kids left you high and dry?

Would You Take a Male Birth Control Pill?

Jack — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

According to this post on The Frisky, researchers at Columbia University have found a way to temporarily sterilize* mice without affecting libido. The concoction, which uses vitamin A, is a long way from becoming the formal male birth control pill (that's been talked about for as long as I can remember), but it's encouraging. Holly sent the post my way and asked if I'd be willing to take it, if and when it hits the market.

My first reaction was concern over whether it might somehow make me more feminine, hence the somewhat hackish Eat, Pray, Love joke above. My second concern was that it might destroy my libido. But Holly says that I should assume that both are untrue and just answer the damn question already. So in that case... sure, I'd take it. I mean, out of the two of us, I'm better at remembering things like that. I'm great at routine, so Holly would never have to worry about whether I'd forgotten a dose. Meanwhile, she's remembered to take her daily vitamin supplement exactly three times, and they cost something like $60! So, yes, I'd take male birth control pills. But I'd like to hear what other men think about this. Would you take them?

*Am I the only guy who cringes when he hears the word "sterilize"? It feels like a baseball bat to the grapes. Let's hope marketing comes up with something cuddlier before they try to sell an actual male birth control pill.

Are You an Exhibitionist?

Jack — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Occasionally I’ll stop by CNN’s The Chart blog by Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor in New York City. His posts are often pretty interesting, like a recent one about exhibitionism. He mentions that exhibitionism actually tops the list of frequent fantasies for both men and women. Um, what?

I totally get the guy side to this “fetish,” if you will, but Mr. Kerner, you’re saying Holly just might want to get it on in her parent’s house -- I completely accept that I will get in big trouble for that one.

Kerner goes on to say that there’s a “strong compulsion to experience power through the premise of arousing others,” but this seems a bit off to me. (And this is just me of course) I wouldn’t be turned on by seeing someone else, say, having sex in the park. I’m just not into that…

But, I will agree with his conclusion that “a little playful exhibitionism can be fun and exhilarating and may well be part of our sexual psychology.” And then, of course he just ruins it for me (and everyone else), “but remember, it can also get you arrested.” What a Debbie Downer.

What about you guys -- where's the craziest place you’ve gotten down? I won’t divulge too much, but Holly and I have had some fun camping trips upstate. Do you agree with Kerner -- do we all have a little bit of this couple in us?

A Decor Blog After My Own Heart

Holly — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So normally I don’t troll the blogs (and shove them in your face) every day, but I have to make a shameless plug for the new decor blog on The Nest, Nest Obsessed. I’ve gotta give it up to these Nestie editors -- they're dishing out some quality snarkiness, and we all know I eat that shidt up! I mean, the latest post about Gwyneth Paltrow’s opulent lifestyle, and how, well, not many people really care is pure genius -- on a side note, that girl has a killer bod.

But I digress. My point is, I’m loving this decor blog -- it’s my guilty pleasure for all the things I hope to do with our house upstate (and by that, I mean the things I hope Jack will take upon himself to buy and build). A girl can dream.... Plus, I can even afford some of the stuff on this blog -- like everything on their $10 Tuesdays entries. Score!

The "Psycho Ex-Wife" Blog Suit

Holly — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

You may have heard about the ex-husband turned blogger behind ThePsychoExWife.com. Well, the plot has thickened in his already pathetic story.

A little bit of background -- Anthony Morelli and his wife split up years ago and have been fighting ever since for sole custody of their two kids. But instead of focusing on their well-being and giving them a healthy childhood, Morelli’s been defaming their mother online. Apparently, the site gets around 200,000 hits a month, and the guy even started selling advertising for it!

Anyway, a judge ordered Morelli to take the site down, and he’s appealing the ruling! How can he possibly think this appeal will help his custody case or his relationship with his kids? He compares his wife to Jabba the Hutt and boozehounds all over! The ridiculous fact is, he may have a case -- it does go against his right to free speech -- but there’s a line that you shouldn’t cross, people! If you’re unhappy about your custody battle or annoyed with your ex-wife, go out for drinks with the guys; don’t start a blog. How mature does it make you look that you have to vent and overexaggerate so much so that a court of law has to get involved -- red flags are going up all over for me.

What about y’all? Do you think he’s going too far? Personally, I think he’s lost all respect from his kids and any chance at full custody.

Road Rage, Redirected

Holly — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Jack and I went on a little road trip to visit friends this weekend. And when I say road trip I mean a grueling seven hours (just wait, I know it doesn’t sound so long) in our small excuse for a safe vehicle.

I’ve gotta say, being on the road really brings out the hatred in both of us. I think the car is where we do most of our fighting. Granted we’re not on the road together often, but when we are, tensions run high. We’ve got so much road rage towards each other -- like why is Jack such a TERRIBLE navigator. I mean, I want to drive just for a change of scenery, but it’s nearly impossible because he gets ridiculous A.D.D. in the passenger seat…that is until he feels the need to chime in about how I’m not stopping soon enough or going a few (okay, 15) over the speed limit.

The funny thing is though, pretty much the second we step out of the car, those tiffs (passive aggressive comments and near-yelling matches) evaporate and we completely forget our anger (well I haven’t, obviously) and move on to more important things (like making up).

What about you? Do fights accelerate when you two are in the car together?

Men, Watch Out or She'll Win Every Fight

Jack — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I’ll admit that I sometimes find myself on The Frisky catching up on the important stuff (like this turtle clip), and when I came across this story about the phrase that will win all fights, I had to read the whole thing.

The article says that a surefire way to win a fight with a guy is to say, “You just really hurt my feelings,” or some version of the phrase. My personal favorite: “He forgets an anniversary? ‘I’ve never felt more forgotten or hurt by you.’” The funny thing is…this is my secret weapon. I already knew this; tell me something new!

In my relationship, Holly tends to be a dirty fighter. She doesn’t technically “yell” (in her opinion), but harsh words are exchanged (that aren’t really PC for online). Then I whip out those magic words, “Holly, that really hurt my ego.” I mean, I say it really manly, but still -- works like a charm.

Now I know we’re the exception to this rule -- we know our relationship is unique -- but what about you guys? When your spouse doesn’t do the dishes, what’s your go-to phrase that’ll win the fight, no matter what? How’d you discover it? And my favorite: Do you just jump to the makeup sex?

A Female's Thoughts on the Male Contraceptive

Holly — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Have y’all been reading about the newest developments in male contraceptives?! I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty freakin’ excited. I don’t know about you guys, but I hate taking the Pill every day, week after week, after month, after year. It’s totally Jack’s turn.

We haven’t officially decided about the timing for kids -- they’ve always been in the back of our minds, but we know we’re not planning little ones anytime soon. So now is a great time for Jack to hop on some of these experimental drugs and get crackin’!

Ahem, back to this article. Evidently, there are tons of new drugs and treatments out there that are testing positive as contraceptives for men, and with few side effects! (At least they don’t have to worry about the weight gain, mood swings, achy boobs….) Some of the most interesting treatments? Apparently, briefly heating the family jewels with an ultrasound can stop sperm production for months! Another one is hormone implants in the biceps, which is pretty nifty if you’re looking for proof he’s really taking care of business.

Which brings up a whole list of concerns for us -- how are we supposed to trust a guy who might claim he’s on birth control (god, that sounds funny!)? Then again, they trust us. But we have wayyyy more riding on it. At the end of the day, the fellas don’t have to go through an abortion or nine months of weird cravings and swollen feet.

What do you think? Would you have your guy go on it? Would you trust a potential partner if they said they were on “the pill”? Discuss!

Men and Cheating

Holly — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I guess I always had this idea that the most tempting times for men were either at bachelor parties (a la The Hangover) or office parties (that coworker in accounting can look pretty foxy after a few free drinks). But boy was I wrong. This story on The Stir blew all my preconceptions of cheating out of the water . A survey performed by IllicitEncounters.com asked 2,000 cheating men where they cheated, and over one-third (ack!) of them cheated at a wedding when they went solo. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I would ever let Jack go to a wedding without me. Besides, if I flat-out couldn’t make it for some reason, I’m pretty sure that would be a good enough excuse for Jack to skip out too.

That said, it would have never occurred to me that weddings were prime-time pickup spots. At least for picking up women. Here I was thinking men were just hoping for some good food and an open bar.

But then I stopped and thought about what the article was putting out there: “[At weddings] people are in from out of town, they get close fast, drink together all night and celebrate love.” Sure, bachelor parties are a close second, but weddings really take the cake when it comes to cheating.

What about you -- are you rethinking those nuptials in the middle of nowhere next month, even if the plane ticket will put you over budget?

Love Is Blind...But In a Good Way

Holly — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I was poking around online this weekend when I came across this LA Times article that talks about how married couples who exaggerate their partner’s good qualities and forget the bad ones are happier than other couples.

Okay, so we all know that love can blind new lovers -- Jack will be the first to say he wasn’t exactly his coolest around me at first. But like the article says: “When you've made the decision to commit, the positive biases really swing into action. Once the battle has begun, you have to be gung-ho. It can be fatal to do otherwise." Falling in love is like being dropped into the end of a rom-com (I know, slight gag), so if you start doubting yourself -- and, more important, your partner -- that’s when the rose-colored specs come off, and you’re left with an unhappy marriage or relationship.

Like I’ve mentioned before, when you focus in on little faults (like Jack’s uncanny habit to dirty our bathroom mirror), that’s when things get messy (literally). And okay, we all have faults and flaws, and naturally, we notice them, but I’ve learned to move on and ignore certain things that are supposed to bug me. The trick is to make those things seem smaller and look at the big picture, says the article. Of course, there’s one thing I disagree with…it says detail-oriented pictures are bad, giving the example of: "My partner and I will always be passionately attracted to one another." Personally, I think that will be true for Jack and me. I mean, he’s foxy as hell. Pardon my French, but it’s true. I think having that aspect in our relationship has always made us stronger.

What about you guys: Do you think those handy rose-colored goggles help your relationship? Is there one thing about your partner that always helps you see them in a positive light?

Cancer, Kids and Cell Phones

Jack — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Okay, so this is just me making broad generalizations, but if you have kids under the age of 15 and they have cell phones, what are you thinking? You’re just throwing gasoline on the already technology-obsessed generation they’re part of.

I’m not picking on anyone in particular (well, except for that whole group), but what 13-year-old really needs a cell phone? Pay phones still exist (though, sadly, I’ll admit they’re a dying breed), as do school phones. Fact is, their little preteen fingers will still fully develop without texting, and their social skills will probably be even better off if you don’t give them a cell.

You’re probably wondering, What’s up with all the hassling? Well, if you were holding out to buy your kids phones before this study finished, I’m still trying to discourage you. News flash: Cell phones aren’t linked to brain tumors or cancers. In fact, the story says, “There has been no increase in brain tumors -- among kids or adults -- since cell phones came into widespread use in the 1990s.”

But focus, people! Your kid does not need to blow through hundreds each month just because of texting. By now you’ve figured out my views on cell phones. And okay, I can see how adults need them (to play Angry Birds), but kids already have wayyy too many distractions.

And there ends my rant. What about you: Are you one of those parents? I’ll let it go if you can give me some good reasons why your kids have a cell phone.

News Flash: Sitcoms Have Got Love and Marriage Down...To a Science

Holly — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I'm sure you've all heard of The King of Queens (unless you lived under a rock for the nine seasons it aired) and laughed along with Carrie and Doug's life together, but didn't you always think: How could he could ever get her? I'll admit that while they were such a lovable couple, their believability was often subject. I mean, have you seen her in a bathing suit next to him? It just didn't make sense to me.

Then, in walks science. Turns out a recent study found that newlywed couples where the wife was thinner than the husband were actually happier than couples in which the husband was thinner than the wife (or around her same weight). I'll admit I laughed a little and read on. Researchers followed newlyweds for four years and tested their body mass index over those years. Couples in which the husband has a higher index than the wife were consistently happier than couples who were the opposite.

Now this actually makes total sense to me. If I weighed more than Jack I would not be a happy camper. I would probably be depressed and feel ugly and fat. Plus, maybe he wouldn't be as attracted to me. And the same goes for Jack. If he were super skinny, I would probably actually be jealous of him! Plus, he wouldn't be as jacked (get it?) as he is now, which would make me feel less attracted to him. So it totally makes sense.

After reading this article, are you looking at those King of Queens reruns in a whole new light? I sure am. Does this proof ring true in your marriage? Or are you the exception?

Bed Bugs: Part 2

Holly — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

You all know about our recent invasion -- okay, I wouldn't really call it a full-on invasion, but we had bed bugs and Jack got bitten. Ladies, here's something to keep in mind: Those little bloodsuckers tend to go for warmer bodies (aka your spouse), and they also don't like hair, so rethink that Brazilian and encourage your man to get his back waxed. You're welcome.

Anyway, the fight is over and I'd like to think we were victorious. After over a month of living out of trash bags -- and wearing about one-eighth of my wardrobe because I couldn't find the rest -- we have finally unpacked and reclaimed our space. I've gotta say, nothing makes you appreciate what little space you have more than having it taken over by bags and bags of all your crap.

The majority of the bags took up our bathroom, which forced us to join a gym just so we could shower every day. Yeah, that's fun. Shelling out hundreds each month just to get in a 10-minute shower. Nothing kills your dignity or drains your wallet faster. A week or so ago, we began migrating our life's belongings back into the living room/bedroom/dining room just so we could maintain our hygiene. So picture this: The only surfaces we were really able to get to were our tiny kitchen (and, let's be honest, what New Yorker really uses that?) and our bathroom. It's a problem when it's a fight to get to the AC in the corner on a 100-degree day.

Which brings me back to my point: Jack and I are so much happier now. We came through the War of the Bugs (sounds like a horror movie) even stronger and can now enjoy our place just long enough until we move out and face the bed bug dangers at another apartment.

When you had bed bugs and got rid of them, did you feel such a sense of accomplishment? Like you had conquered this huge obstacle with your spouse? I mean, not gonna lie, but we're pretty darn proud of ourselves....

In Search of the Perfect Apartment

Holly — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Jack and I have started to look for a new apartment in hopes that we can move out of our shoebox of a place. It's funny how just a year can make us conveniently forget our hatred for apartment hunting and moving in general. We've come to the point in our lives where we're ready to settle down -- hence our house upstate -- but at the same time, we do need a place in the city so we can remain connected to the civilized world. Well, that and our jobs.

But it's so hard to find a place that's worth the time and energy (and, let's face it, the trauma) of moving. I mean, small sacrifices are one thing, but just settling when it comes to location, size and cost is another story. It's enough to make us abandon the city altogether -- almost.

On the bright side, this apartment-hunting thing has forced Jack and I to agree on what we want out of our city digs. We need a pet-friendly place where Bernard, our fat little pug, won't be doggy contraband. We also need a place where we can retreat to separate rooms -- because when I get mad at Jack, I need to be able to send him somewhere. And last but not least, we (and when I say "we," I mean Jack) need a bathtub. Because we (ahem, Jack) love taking long baths. Of course we (me) would also love to have a balcony, but that's not a necessity (yes it is).

What about you guys? Do you hate apartment searching? Sure, it's cool to check out a new part of the city, but don't you just want to find a place where you can settle in and not have to worry about packing up all your shidt and schlepping it around every 12 months?!

What She's Doing When You're Not Around

Jack — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Here's my disclaimer: Don't read this post if you're not ready to face a cold, hard fact about the woman you married and what she does when you're not around.

Okay, don't say I didn't warn you. Here it is: Women masturbate. Married women masturbate -- something a buddy of mine (who for obvious reasons will remain anonymous) just discovered after coming home earlier than expected one night and walking in on his wife having a one-person party. I'll give you a hint: There was a mechanical toy involved. Poor guy didn't take it well either, and considering she had turned him down for sex that morning, I guess I could see where he was coming from. But when I told Holly about the situation, she brought up a good point -- it's not like he would think twice about clearing the pipes when his wife wasn't around, and some men would find that sexy. Her other point: Just because his wife wasn't in the mood in the morning, doesn't mean she wasn't later that night when her husband was out. Makes sense to me. But what do you guys think? Do you get offended if your spouse has solo sex occasionally...or a lot?

51-Year-Old Lost Star Marries Underage Girl

Holly — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Have you seen the headlines about Doug Hutchison, the 51-year-old guy from Lost who married his 16-year-old girlfriend? Yep, it's official and legal, and even worse, her parents were on board with the whole thing. But what I can't quite wrap my head around is, why? I mean, maybe his teenage wife (who looks a lot older, by the way) missed how he looks as creepy in real life as he did on the show or maybe she didn't realize he was less than a decade away from senior citizenship (admittedly, he doesn't look like he's in his 50s). Then again, is it that much worse than the Hef almost marrying a bunny 60 years younger than him?

But I think the relationship is a bit of a (okay, a huge) hoax. There are already reports that countless networks are pitching a reality show about the pair, which doesn't exactly say "we're in it for the long haul" to me -- at least not if you're judging by other celeb marriages that've met their demise on reality TV. And really, what could these two possibly have in common? And what is the deal with her 'rents going along with the whole thing? Real A-plus parenting there. But I'll admit, if they do end up on TV, I'll probably tune in to watch the train wreck -- can you blame me?

Thoughts? Reaction? Total horror? And do me a favor and don't give me that "love knows no age" B.S.

Becker and the Pecker

Holly — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I'm sure you remember Lorena Bobbit, the infamous pecker picker (or should I say slasher?). Well, folks, here's Bobbit: The Sequel. When Catherine Becker prepared a nice dinner for her estranged husband, little did he know he was being fed a hefty dose of sleeping pills...or that he'd awaken later to his wife whacking off his willy (and not in the good way) with a knife. Wait -- it gets better: She reportedly threw his wiener into the garbage disposal. (No confirmation on whether she turned it on or not!) Yikes.

When asked why she did it, she reportedly told cops, "He deserved it." I've no doubt he did. I mean, it wasn't exactly done in a fit of rage, considering the meal of narcotics. Girlfriend must've been pushed to the brink (and not in the jerk wasn't helping out around the house, or wasn't helping to pay the bills). Something tells me that judging by the location of the dismemberment, the dude went Terminator on her and did something like got the live-in housekeeper preggars at the same time as his wife and then lied about it for almost a decade or something... I'm guessing that's enough to drive a girl Bobbit.

What about you guys: Why do you think she did it?

Woman Sues Man After Facebook Dumping

Holly — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This goodie popped up in my Google alerts the other day. Turns out Cheryl Gray, 50, is suing Wylie Iwan, 35, for ending their Facebook "relationship" (even though it was never "official," in Facebook terms, at least). I guess I should preface this with a little bit about my own thoughts on fbook. I'm not the biggest fan, but I do log on for the occasional stalkage (don't look at me like you don't do it too).

Anyway... The "couple" met online during a romantic game of Mafia Wars, and the relationship blossomed (as only a purely online relationship can) -- so much so that Gray seemed ready to take their relationship to the next level, buying a plane ticket to see Iwan in person. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like Iwan was on the same page, and the relationship quickly turned sour. After Iwan said he'd met someone else (perhaps, online?), Gray began defaming Iwan via Facebook hate groups and writing angry comments on his wall. (Yikes -- that one about his favorite songs really dug deep!)

But it didn't stop there. Now, Gray is suing Iwan for roughly $9,000, charging him with "misrepresentation, promissory estoppel, defamation of character and intentional infliction of emotional distress." Now, I don't know how you feel (we'll get to that), but I think this is all a bit ridiculous (read: absolutely hilarious). I mean, there's no reason two consenting adults can't have a good virtual romp and then cut the relationship off without a lawsuit, right? Still, imagine if every time a relationship didn't go the way you liked, you sued the pants off your ex? Oh, yeah -- that's called alimony for married folk that decide to split.

So, your turn: Are you on Team Gray or Team Iwan? Or do you just think it's all too pathetic to take sides?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Make Marriage a Political Statement

Jack — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Try to look past the fact that I read another story about Brad Pitt, and don't assume I have a thing for the guy -- or for US Weekly. I was actually trying to find a good post on gay marriage being legalized in New York, but these two kept popping up in my search because they might get married now that same-sex couples can get married in New York. How are these two things connected? Well, Pitt and Jolie have said they wouldn't tie the knot until everyone in this country could get married, so now that New York has made it legal, people are speculating that they're gonna get married (even though the math doesn't exactly add up). But Pitt also has previously said that they might get married because of pressure from the kiddos. Sounds to me like either these tabloids (shockingly) aren't getting their stories straight or Pitt and Jolie don't really care if they get married -- they'll do it when they want to and if they want to (or their kids want them to). And hell, since everyone won't just shut up about it, maybe these two realized that there's no better way to get people off their backs than to make it a political statement.

Honestly, I get it. Getting hitched wasn't all that important to me -- but it was to Holly, so then it was important to me too. But maybe if I didn't have the option, it would've meant a lot more to me. Either way, I'm hoping with Brangelina that the legalizing of gay marriage in New York is the start of a trend that spreads across the country ('cause you know I'm dying to see what they wear to their wedding).

What's your guys' take on marriage -- was it important to you? Oh, and do you think Pitt and his lady will ever make it legal?

Is Monogamy the Enemy of a Healthy Marriage?

Holly — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So this recent NYT profile about "America's leading sex columnist" Dan Savage talks about Savage's view on monogamy -- namely, that it doesn't work (at least not for all couples). And in Savage's opinion, that's okay. Now hold up -- wait to judge until you hear more. Savage, who is in a "monogamish" relationship ("allowing occasional infidelities, which they are honest about"), doesn't knock monogamy, and he isn't telling couples to go out and cheat (he's actually against promiscuity). But he does support what I'd call sexual realism. In other words, he acknowledges that different things work for different couples, and he believes saving the relationship is more important than staying faithful. From the article: "Rather, he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy."

I don't know if I could ever be open to the idea of an open marriage, and after several years of marriage, I can honestly still say I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone other than Jack (like I said, he's smokin' hot and I love him -- awww, I know). But I do think what Savage is saying makes sense (bring on the angry comments). But seriously, hear me out on this one. It's obvious that staying faithful is a real issue for a lot of couples (ahhh-choo, Schwarzenweiner), and marriage isn't easy, and I do think part of the problem is that we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and marriage in general. I have lots of friends who were dying to get married and thought it'd somehow turn their relationships and/or lives into this romantic fairy tale...and were terribly disappointed when marriage turned out to be anything but (like this documentary of 30-something divorcees discovered). So I think Savage is right to say that before you make the commitment to a lifelong monogamous relationship, you should make sure it's something you both want. "...have a conversation about what it'll mean if one or the other partner should cheat. And agree, at the very least, to getting through it, to place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component of it, sexual exclusivity." Maybe monogamy is for you guys (I still think it's for Jack and I), but even if it isn't, that doesn't mean marriage isn't or that your marriage has to end, says Savage. While I can't imagine what it'd be like if I found out Jack cheated and how I'd be able to move on from it, I think Savage is talking more about avoiding that hurt and pain by being realistic about your expectations and what will make you happy from the start, which I think is smart whether you're talking about monogamy or money or getting a dog.

Okay, your turn: What do you think about Savage's ideas on marriage and monogamy? Here's what some commenters had to say already. Let the brawling begin.

Public Proposals: Romantic Gesture...or Sexist Act?

Holly — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Slate has been doing a great wedding series recently, and not gonna lie, it's pretty amazing. In particular, though, this article about public proposals caught my eye. Sometimes, I'm just a sucker for a good old sap-tastic engagement story. But this is not one of those moments. In this article, the author talks about the idea that public proposals are -- get this -- sexist, or a way for men to "exert dominance over the marriage process."

I guess I can see where it's coming from. I mean any jackarse who's popping the question on a JumboTron (I know -- I'm cringing as I write this) or via Twitter or a Groupon deal (I kid you not -- this really happened...more than once) isn't doing it for his lady. The article quotes wedding etiquette expert Anna Post (great-great-granddaughter of, yes, Emily Post) as saying: "It's a confident thing to do, a big megaphone statement to the world. I think there's some real appeal to men in that." That, or the dude is just really clueless. But I don't think that men who propose in public are sexist pigs, or any worse than women who give not-so-subtle hints about what kind of ring they want. I do think that there's a lot of pressure to propose in a really original way -- especially with crazy proposals being posted online before the person even has a chance to say "yes" (or "no"). But sometimes, I hear about a public proposal that totally turns me into a weepy mess. Jack took his sweet time popping the Q, but when he did, I think I would've thought it was romantic no matter how he did it (well, except if it had involved a JumboTron...or Facebook...or Twitter -- for the record, it involved none of those), because I was just so happy. How about you guys? What's your take on public proposals?

News Flash: Men Say "I Love You" Sooner Than Women

Holly — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I was pretty surprised to read about this study from MIT that found men say "I love you" first over 60 percent of the time. Um, yeah, WTF is right! And get this: They also think about saying it a whole six weeks before women. Say whaa? If the study wasn't from MIT, I'd question its accuracy. But I kinda love that it flies in the face of everything we tend to hear about men and women in relationships and women supposedly being quicker to come clean about their feelings. We're always watching neurotic women waiting around for their men to drop the L-bomb and doing the chicken dance over those loaded three words (ahem, SATC), but apparently that's not really how things work (at least not anymore) -- and it makes me happy to hear.

The article goes on to talk about what happens after the L-bomb comes out, and it turns out that if the guy says it first, more often than not, we ladies don't trust them. (Is he just trying to get me into bed? Or so I'm imagining the thinking goes.) What's up with that? And have we really gotten that cynical?

I guess I don't totally understand the whole hoopla over those three words. I mean, I've told you about my frequent usage of the L-word. Yeah, so I may have a problem with over-usage (hi, my name is Holly and I'm a love addict...), but Jack says it a lot too. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't also open with his feelings, but I have to admit that in our relationship, I'm still (usually) the one who says it first -- which doesn't really bother me, since I'm so quick to throw it out there and he's always willing to reciprocate. For other married couples, though, it's more about how often they're saying it to each other.

What about you guys? Who said "I love you" first -- you or your partner? And were you skeptical if you weren't the one to say it first? Who says it more now?

Are You in a "Bromance"?

Jack — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I read this article by a psychologist, who talks about his first "bromance" -- and how much he's enjoying it. Before you say anything, he's the one who used the term "bromance" -- just in case there was any confusion (he also said it was "bromance at first sight" and admits to not liking beer, not watching sports on TV and being a "sensitive" guy). And to be clear, the author is married, and so is the other guy in this bromance. I guess it's what they were going for when they created Paul Rudd's character in I Love You, Man, and I know the bromance thing is popular right now, but I thought it was something someone at some woman's magazine made up thinking she was being cute. So I was pretty surprised that a male psychologist was using the term -- to talk about himself, no less. Did I miss something, and it's now some affliction middle-aged men are coming down with? Personally, I don't get the concept. Is spending a dads' weekend skiing or complaining about your wives (two activities the doc does with his partner in the bromance) an out-of-the-ordinary activity for two guys to do? Is two grown, married "bros" still hanging out so unusual of a concept that we're giving it a lame title and making movies about it? Hell, if I went by the doc's definition, I guess I'd be in multiple bromances right now (I'm sure Holly enjoyed that one).

I don't know about the other married men out there, but I didn't stop hanging out with my buddies when I got married -- and Holly's cool with that. And she wouldn't be cool with it if the opposite were true. Clearly, that's pretty much the case with the guys I hang out with, but maybe that's not the standard for most other married men? So, tell me, married men, do you still hang out with your friends now that you're married? And what do you think about this whole bromance thing? Just tell me you'd never use that term.

Is Twitter Ruining #Your #Relationship?

Holly — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

It's funny to think that Twitter could have such a big effect on someone's relationship, but OkCupid recently did a study proving just that. From the Huffington Post article on it: "Twitter users' relationships last slightly less time, on average, than others." Hmmm...maybe that's why Jack and I are in it for the long haul? I mean, I see little reason to tell my friends that "Im supr bord w/ all this Wills&Kate do Canada crap," even though I frickin' am. I know I'm going to get crap for that one, but come on, they're kinda boring, no? But I digress.... Really, who wants to know what I'm up to at any given moment? Not even me and certainly not Jack. But if your spouse did want to know what you were up to, wouldn't you rather they call you to ask instead of just checking your tweets? (PS: What's up with the character limit?)

That's why I'm not surprised that Twitter is bad for your relationship -- and sex life. Who wants to be sitting next to their spouse only to be shushed so they can tweet to a bunch of strangers that they're sitting next to their spouse and bored, or have date night interrupted so their spouse can tell the world the funny thing they just overheard at the next table over? Not me -- or, thankfully, Jack. So personally, I agree with the study that Twitter can be a major relationship buzzkill.

What about you? Do you think social media like Twitter is bad for your relationship?