Even if your sex life is great, chances are you've fallen into a predictable routine that guarantees both of you enjoy the ride, but that is missing the earth-shattering feel it once had. Remember when you first made out, and each kiss was amazing? This guide will show you how to build anticipation -- and lust -- by working you up over the course of six days. And on the seventh day, let there be sex! Dr. Pam, our online sex-pert and author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure calls it sexual heaven. But you can just call it a gift.
[Nest Note] By the time you get to day 4 or 5, the teasing becomes almost unbearable, and you're probably going to want to give in. Trust us, if you can wait until day 7, it's worth it!
DAY 1: Give flashback fever
Revisit where you first met and fell in lust with each other. If you can't visit where you first dated, then turn off the TV and dim the lights, dress seductively, and talk about your first dates while looking at old photos. Remind each other, in detail, what first attracted you and turned you on. Rekindling warm memories will get the romance building. But remember: no touching -- not tonight anyway!
DAY 2: Create a sensual mood.
Share a warm bath full of sensual ylang-ylang oil, an essential oil that has both euphoric and relaxing qualities. Add a splash of lavender oil as well, and you will both be soothed. Teasingly massage it into your own skin, including some (ahem!) sensitive places -- but you still can't touch each other!
Later the same evening, raise your sex-pectations. Be creative and tell each other about a sexual technique or position you've always wanted to try. Flip through a sex guide that shows what you have in mind, and tell your mate why you'd like to try this new position. It's great to build this sexual tension with your partner -- you won't be able to stop thinking about each other all week.
DAY 3: Build a shopping list.
Now that you two have been reconnecting, it's time to go shopping for fun things that will make day 7 new and different. Sexual confidence comes from wearing clothes that make you feel fantastic. There are lots of shops that cater to adult tastes encourage couples to shop together. If there isn't one near you, you can shop online or try a lingerie store. Think about things like sexy underwear, sensual massage oils, one or two exciting sex toys, a satin blindfold, edible body paints, an erotic film catering to couples, and anything else that catches your imagination. Only buy what feels comfortable to both of you. You might enjoy shopping for just a couple of new items, like lovely lingerie or massage oil. It's important to be tactful and loving when suggesting things for your shopping list.
DAY 4: Worship each other!
This is the night to wear sexy clothes that make you feel attractive, and relax with some erotic foods. Put on mood music, and carefully place sensual foods like strawberries dipped in chocolate in your mate's mouth. Mix up a delicious "love shake," blending bananas, tropical fruit, and luscious ice cream. Feed the shake to your lover, and vice versa -- but again, no touching! Spoon-feeding each other may feel weird at first, but it can make you more loving and affectionate. And if you're in a daring mood, teach your spouse some of your favorite "self pleasures." You can both learn a lot!
You've been building the sexual tension and probably want to take a cold shower at this point, but it's time to wind down. Lie close to each other and simply talk. Discuss what you're feeling. It may be arousal, but your emotions are likely bringing you closer -- talk about that! It's well worth the wait to let your sexual arousal die down (and wait for the seventh day).
DAY 5: Touch tenderly.
Finally, you can actually touch each other! But we still don't want you to take it too far. You are continuing to build the anticipation, making you and your partner think about sex all day long. It may seem hard because you're breaking your normal routine -- where you can have sex when you like -- but to reach "sexual heaven" means emphasizing the erotic side of lovemaking. Eroticism is all about the discovery and the buildup (as frustrating as it can be).
Try "feathering," which involves a feather and some sensual massage oil. It's an incredibly erotic technique that is great for learning more about your partner's erogenous zones. You may think you know where he likes being touched -- and undoubtedly you're right -- but you might just find some little, undiscovered places on his body that he loves having stimulated...and he might find some on you!
Jasmine oil is good for this, as it has an erotic and arousing effect. Dip the feather in the oil and gently swirl it down your lover's erogenous zones: Spend extra time on the neck, nipples, stomach, inner thighs, and every other sensuous place. To intensify this, you may want to gently bind your lover's hands with something soft like a dressing gown cord so that your partner feels totally within your power. You'll be dying to go further than the feathering, but you must resist the temptation to take it all the way! Once you've both had your turn, soothingly talk yourselves out of the aroused state.
DAY 6: Share your fantasies.
Perhaps you envision him being a gorgeous stranger who seduces you in a nightclub, or she's a company executive who interviews you for a job. But in this interview, you're required to put in overtime! Even if you've never thought of this type of thing before, try it now.
As you describe your fantasy, caress each other, using only your lips! Plant gentle kisses all over each other's bodies, or delicately lick each other with your tongues. The touch of lips, rather than hands, will bring you to the peak of sexual desire. It will be hard to hold back, but you must! You've spent nearly a week discovering so much more about each other. You've now talked and touched to a depth you might not have reached before. Tomorrow night will definitely be worth the wait, we promise!
DAY 7: Have sensational sex!
Congrats! You have reached the ultimate evening, and what will be the peak of your sensual experience.
Eat right. Begin the day with food to build your sexual stamina. Try freshly squeezed orange juice to give you energizing vitamins, and add a few drops of ginseng and some crushed litchi fruit to enhance energy.
That night, prepare a dinner together that contains cinnamon, ginger, chili pepper, and black pepper. Try a delicious stir-fry with sliced chicken breast, ginger, and chili peppers or freshly ground black pepper. Then mix some cinnamon into your salad dressing, or have cinnamon ice cream for dessert. These spices open the blood vessels and increase blood flow -- to your cheeks, lips, and erogenous zones. Any dessert with almonds (which increase desire), bananas (Cleopatra swore by their aphrodisiac properties), or chocolate (which produces feel-good endorphins) will add to your experience as well.
Set the mood. Play soft music, and burn candles or incense. Scents like vanilla, jasmine, or ylang-ylang will keep you alert and invigorated. Make sure the sex toys you've got are close at hand for sex play, and slip into those sexy clothes you bought this week.
Let the games begin. Start with some passionate kissing, and then play a sexy game like Truth or Dare (hint: Only do dares!). With each dare, make each other forfeit a piece of clothing or give wonderful oral sex. Start talking about the positions you want to try tonight, including the one you found on day two, as well as a few others. [Dr. Pam suggests "split the whisker," where the woman is on her side (or her back), top leg forward or up; he's kneeling from behind, holding her top leg up. This allows deep penetration and stimulation of her g-spot.]
Now get started! The sensuality and communication you've developed over seven days will let you talk about your needs and take more risks. Enjoy!
A Sex-tra Tip: Throughout the week, add to the sexual tension with some sexy phone calls, suggestive notes, or small gifts left for your lover to find.
[Pam's Note] I recommend that couples do this seven-day buildup twice a year. And keep things hot in the meantime by dedicating a weekend every six to eight weeks to switching off your cell phones and planning "together time" at a new restaurant or by exploring a nearby town. Enjoy flirting with each other and building sexual tension, with lots of sensual talk and teasing, but don't allow full-on sex until Sunday. Mark these "reconnection" weekends on your calendars so you don't forget!
by The Nest Editors
6/26/08
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couple issues,
Love/Sex