You've offered to open your home for the holidays and now you're having second thoughts. Take a step back and realize two things. First -- it’s only your family! Who here do you need to impress? Feel proud that you're at the helm of this year’s festivities and be confident in your abilities.

1. Work as a team.
You probably think you can do it alone (and if you had months to prepare, you might be able to wing it), but you have help: your spouse! He is good for a lot more than sitting on the couch and watching as you hustle and bustle. Together you can cover lots of ground -- well -- in less time.
Outline what needs to be accomplished and parcel out responsibilities into three categories:

• What you can do
  
• What he can do
  
• What you can work on together

2. Focus on three details.
So if you choose presentation, fun activity, and parting gifts, simplify the rest (food, decor, serving). Choose any combo you want, but go heavy on the things that mean the most to you. The point is not to be overly ambitious. This is not a reality show where you’re vying for the title of Ultimate Doyenne of Entertaining. Do you really need to serve that fifth appetizer? Will the party bomb if you use fake logs and not real wood in the fireplace? Your family will appreciate your efforts no matter what. Hey, you don’t see anyone else hosting this gig, do you? Knowing that you carefully chose to put your efforts in a few well-thought-out directions will be totally rewarding -- much more so than setting tea lights in the bathroom and keeping them glowing.

3. Know your customers.
You love garlic in your mash but you sister-in-law is allergic. The right thing to do is kill the cloves and make a plain portion just for her. There’s no need to cater to everyone’s likes and dislikes (that would be more work than you can imagine) but it’s the sign of a good hostess to inquire about the dietary needs of your guests. Find out if anyone is a vegetarian, lactose intolerant, has food allergies, is diabetic, keeps kosher and so on. Often, people with specific food issues will offer to bring a dish or two they know they can stomach, so it might be less of a hassle for you in the end. But if you’re asked to offer some form of a meat-free meal, be compassionate -- it’s the holidays after all.

4. Embrace prepared foods.
Why spend hours chopping veggies when, with one swipe of your AmEx, you can buy a beautiful platter from the market? There’s nothing wrong with getting a little assistance from the grocer. Focus on the main meal and look to store-bought starters and desserts. The plan: Buy all desserts and appetizers and half of the sides (and if you want to serve soup, think about buying that too); make the main course, half the sides, and the salad. Your guests won’t really care or have any idea where the healthy appetizers came from. If you insist on adding your own touch, then make the dip. We bet you make a mean apple pie, but if time escapes you, the not-from-scratch bakery beckons.

5. Go semi-potluck.
Mom’s cranberry-pineapple mold is so delicious that you know you will never be able to reproduce it. We bet she’ll be happy to bring it along. Now that’s one less item on the to-do list, and she’s thrilled by the compliment. Don’t try and fly solo on your first gathering. You’re not expected to make everything just because the food is served from your kitchen. So when people ask what they can bring, don’t be shy (but don’t sound pushy). Offer a specific idea you think will suit them and compromise if they have other ideas. You: “Aunt Bess, you make mean berry cobbler and I would love if you could bake one for all of us to enjoy.� Her: “Thanks, deary, but I would like to experiment with a pumpkin pie this year.� You: “Of course!� Potluck means more than just food. Borrow bridge chairs from a neighbor, invite your cousins to come early to set up the bar, and suggest that your brother select the music.

6. Start a tradition.
After the meal, it’s time to get everyone away from the table and to the family room or the backyard:

• If weather permits, get outside and play a game for all ages like Wiffle ball, soccer, or Twister. Keep levels of sportsmanship high. So your niece cheats? She’s five.
  
• Back indoors, work on a family puzzle. Buy one with a fun image and lots of little pieces so everyone can start on a different section, or break into groups and play cards (Go Fish, War, Hearts).
  
• Gear up for dessert with a custom-made hot cocoa assembly line (kinda like make your own sundae). Provide fun flavorings like cinnamon sticks, mini marshmallows, Hershey’s Kisses, mint candies, whipped cream, and colored sugars.
  
• Get artful and make thumbprint art of snowmen or reindeer. Buy white card stock and rubber-stamp ink pads so guests can put their finger on the project (ha!). Colored pencils or felt-tipped pens can flesh out the designs. Silver or gold pens would be elegant for the holidays.
  
• Dare we say it? Okay, we will: charades! Ask everyone to put an idea in the hat and start miming.

7. Or just continue an old tradition.
We all have childhood memories of what made the perfect holiday gathering. Instead of trying to re-create nostalgic moments for everyone in the room, see if you can come up with something new or just a twist on the oldies but goodies. Maybe you'll be known for sending everyone home with delicious decorated holiday cookies or, better yet, make decorating them a family project (remember, pre-made cookies work just as well as homemade). Ahead of time, ask new family members to share their traditions with you. You might find the customs of a different religion or culture can add spice or warmth (or silliness) to your gathering. And it will make that person (who might be your spouse) feel much more at home.

• Dress the part. Hand out funny hats or cute costume pieces that signify the holiday and ask people to wear them at dinner or at least for some photos.
  
• Get creative with photos and start a yearly pose whether it’s all the cousins in height or age order, or in pyramid formation. It will be amazing to look back and see how everyone changes and the family expands over the years.
  
• Start a wish book. Buy a pretty, blank journal and ask everyone to inscribe their hopes and dreams for the year ahead. Share the thoughts with everyone at the end of the night during future holiday get-togethers.

8. Set a super table.
Finally, an excuse to use the good china. If you want a formal setting, three cheers for you! But it’s really not necessary to know what goes where and how far apart. Stop agonizing over which side the fork goes on. If you choose to keep it really simple, all you need to do is set down a dinner plate, place a filled water glass on the top right along with a wineglass, and place the flatware rolled in a cloth napkin on top of the plate. There are some details you should pay attention to no matter how informal you make it. Make sure all serving dishes have their own serving utensils so Uncle Harold doesn’t lose his fork in the mashed potatoes or double-dip his spoon in the gravy. Cover all ends of the table -- and the middle if it’s a big one -- with doubles of designated accoutrements, like salt-and-pepper shakers, bread and butter, and pitchers of water. Less passing makes thing less hectic. The biggest must-do: Set the table the day before the party so it’s one less thing you need to do the day of. Have fun and dress it up:

• Use a flat sheet to cover the table. Bedding will allow you to find just the funky stripe or pale pastel rose pattern you have been searching for.
  
• Add flash to a white linen tablecloth by laying down two different runners of complementary colors (yellow and purple; orange and blue).
  
• Ditch the cloth and go for placemats that show off your china best. Play off of a silver pattern with something shiny and icy blue or get bold and set gold-rimmed dishes on deep crimson.
  
• Mix-and-match anything you want! Use some china from your great grandma’s set, some from yours, and some you found at a garage sale.
  
• You probably did big, lush centerpieces at your wedding. Move on. Head to the backyard and get snipping, whether it’s pine needles or colorful autumn leaves and place them in small, unassuming glass vases around the table.
  
• Use a seasonal fruit, like pears with a beautiful red blush. Create a grouping in a few decorative bowls and add a sprig of whatever leftover herb you were cooking with. (They'll also look great tucked into a rolled napkin.)
  

9. Bust out the buffet!
Maybe you don’t have time for a fancy-schmancy table or you just want to keep the vibe more casual. Serving food buffet-style is a wonderful option for everyone -- not just those among us with space constraints. Letting guests serve themselves gives them time to mingle and might keep things cleaner (no gravy passing means no gravy spilled in anyone’s hair) and allows them to easily select what they want to eat. No one will have to worry that the dark meat is already making its way to the other side of the table where Grandma will devour it all (okay, she’s allowed).

• Set out food on the kitchen counters, island, or any table that can be moved against the wall to make room for foot traffic.
  
• Designate a separate table for drinks, or just place them at each end of the table where guests will sit.
  
• Stack the dishes with the food, as well as the utensils rolled in napkins (glasses can be waiting at the table filled with water).
  
• Keep food warm by putting out serving dishes out for consumption at the very last minute and then cover them with foil after everyone sits down.
  
• If you want to forgo a formal table, have seating areas like couches and chairs grouped for easy conversation and mingling.

10. Plan for “just in case.�
And we mean just in case anything and everything happens anywhere in the house. Our usual precautions:

• If kids are on the guest list, have some simple toys, books, and movies to keep them from squirming loudly in their seats (or lobbing a sweet potato at your cat).
  
• Make sure all bathrooms are stocked with plenty of TP, air freshener, and plungers (ew, but you need to be prepared).
  
• The bird burns? Stock the fridge with sliced deli turkey because you can make great sandwiches with all of the other edible accompaniments that survived.
  
• Any guest notorious for spilling wine? If not, there’s always a first! Place some extra-pretty paper napkins at each setting and at the ends of the table and Scotchguard the tablecloth.
  

-- Grace Jidoun

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