Flowers? Skip 'em. Here's a look at what your guy secretly thinks of your typical V-Day fare -- and what he really wants instead.

Gift: Trip to the salon

What he thinks: Ooh, goodie! I've always wanted to cover my eyes with cucumbers, spread mud on my face and be ridiculed by my friends until I die.

What he really wants: A professional shave. Straight-edge blade, barber: the only acceptable (and masculine) mode of high-end pampering.

Photo: Thinkstock / The Nest