Sometimes our sex lives get off track simply because our expectations of each other have shifted. We decide that if our lovers haven’t figured us out by now they never will. Judgments creep in when our partners reject us, once, twice or worse -- until we just stop asking. Sometimes frustration overtakes our libidos altogether, so that even when they want it,  we don’t. The first thing to do is to try to look at your partner with new eyes. Just because he didn’t like the thing you tried last Thursday, doesn’t mean he’s no fun. Try another something new and see how he reacts. Take every sexual encounter as its own experience. Then focus on the good ones instead of the bad.

Nestperts: Joselin Linder and Elena Donovan Mauer, authors of Have Sex Like You Just Met (Adams Media, December). Read more at their blog.

-- Joselin Linder & Elena Donovan Mauer

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