Mistake #1: Not Dealing with Debt
We know it's not very romantic, but there are lots of financial to-dos the first year -- particularly if you want to set yourself up to buy a home within a few years. Money is the #1 thing couples fight about (and divorce over); dealing with the touchy topic now is key.
What to do:
- Get your wedding debt out of the way ASAP! Otherwise it will just be the foundation of future debt.
- Tell each other up front about your personal debt -- because for better or worse, you just married it!
- Set up a financial game plan for your future.
>> Get out of debt in 8 simple steps
Mistake #2: Alienating Your Friends
Friends are the foundation of a successful marriage, so you need to keep them as an important factor in your life (the single ones too). Don't just hide away with your sweetheart in married land!
Three common ways you might alienate your best pals:
1. Ignoring them (it's okay for a month, but after that, get back out in the scene).
2. Pressuring them to get on the marriage track.
3. Always bringing him along.
What to do:
- Make it clear to them early on that they are a key part of your life. Invite people over, go out with them (without your spouse), and make a point to be social, even if your schedule is tight.
Mistake #3: Not Having Enough Sex
Sex is incredibly important to a good marriage. But more than 60 percent of newlyweds surveyed were already in a sex rut!
Three key reasons why:
1. It's a busy time in your life.
2. You're not feeling great about yourself (we'll get to that).
3. You're becoming complacent.
What to do:
- Initiate sex, even if you don't feel like it. If you get in the habit of having it, you'll start wanting it more -- and liking it more too! Schedule sex. It should never be an afterthought.
- Talk about sex. Face the issues now, and get comfortable with talking about them.
- Get in the mood. Try to keep things a bit sexy between you, and don't underestimate the power of flirting (send a provocative email during the day -- this is our Nest-tested best foreplay formula).
>> Keep things spicy in the bedroom
Mistake #4: Letting Yourself Go
Yes, we mean gaining weight. Newlyweds put on the pounds starting with the honeymoon and never make the effort to take these "newlywed nine" off. Why bother, right? You've already found your mate!
Three key reasons:
1. You're not as motivated.
2. You love playing house, cooking big meals, and indulging together.
3. You're too busy to watch what you're eating or head to the gym.
What to do:
- Make a plan to get fit -- together -- or at least respect each other's goals. (Our favorite calorie-burning activity: sex.)
- Give yourself a reward -- a bikini-clad vacation, perhaps?
- Seek support. Motivate each other. Get the pat on the back you deserve, without the criticism.
>> Find out why you're packing on the pounds
Mistake #5: Letting the In-laws Become Out-laws
Fifty percent of couples surveyed have a problematic relationship with their in-laws. This will only get worse as resentment arises and babies and other complications arrive on the scene.
Key reasons:
1. This is a transitional time for your parents, who might try and hold on tighter when their kids are moving "away" to start their own families.
2. This is also a transitional time for you -- your parents might be emotional, but you don't want to make things worse.
3. It's frustrating to deal with another family. Let's face it -- it's sometimes hard enough to have your own.
What to do:
- Be very clear about any boundaries right away (example: set up a schedule for holidays) to avoid false expectations (example: your mother-in-law piles on the guilt when you don't show up at Thanksgiving dinner).
- Never badmouth each other's families -- even if your spouse is complaining about his own. It's one thing to gripe about your own parents, but quite another to hear it from someone else. Support your partner's feelings, but don't add to them.
>> Read our Laws of In-laws
Mistake #6: Fighting Unfairly
Don't think it's okay to hit below the belt now that you're married. Disagreements are inevitable, but drawn-out grudge matches shouldn't be. Believe it or not, there are rules on how to fight fairly.
What to do:
- Pick your battles. Know when to engage in an argument and when to let it go -- without resentment.
- When you're getting really heated, walk away, even if it's just to cool down for a few minutes. If you're too mad to think straight, the potential is higher for saying (or doing) something you'll regret.
- Move on to making up. That's the best part anyway, right? Skip the handshake and go straight for sex.
>> Our tips for making up
Mistake #7: Becoming Obsessed with the Next Step -- Baby
Newlyweds can become so obsessed with the next monumental step in their life that they forget to enjoy the present. Many couples who expect to have their first child approximately three years after being married actually end up starting a family earlier than they expected.
What to do:
- Focus on your relationship. Enjoy the here-and-now time you have together. Savor the moments when you won't have to be waking up for a 4 a.m. feeding.
- Make foundations. Think about when the timing will be right for you and plan accordingly. If the idea is in your head -- even in the far-off future -- it might keep you from over-obsessing now.
Ready to face coupledom head-on?
>> How well do you know each other -- between the sheets?
>> Quiz: Who's more romantic?
>> Test your communication IQ
-- The Nest Editors
See More: Couple Issues