1. You get a little windfall from your tax return (hallelujah!). You’re thinking Paris; he’s thinking a massive flat-screen TV. You say:
a) “Um, I guess a better view of Family Guy trumps the view from the Eiffel Tower.”
b) “I’ve only been dreaming of Paris since I was a little girl, but whatever. I love TV. I watch it like once a year. So yay!”
c) This is even worse than that time three years ago when you totally screwed up my special birthday dinner for 20.”
d) You always ruin everything! We never ever do anything fun!” (Repeat multiple times at top volume until hoarse.)
2. When it comes to sex, you’d prefer a little less talk and a lot more...action. Your solution?
a) Get a vibrator—that should hold off the convo for at least a little while.
b) Say, “My friend Jennifer just won’t shut up about how much sex she and her husband have. I guess they do it like every single night. Can you imagine?”
c) Show him a pie graph representing the number of times he’s initiated sex versus the times you have…noting that it looks an awful lot like Ms. Pac-Man.
d) One word: offense. Accuse him of sexual neglect via cheating.
3. He’s a complete neat freak. You, not so much. He jokes that when he imagined his dream girl, she didn’t come with that Mount Everest pile of clothes on the floor. You:
a) Feel your neck getting prickly and hot as you fake-laugh off his insult.
b) Slowly clean up, letting out a dramatic sigh approximately every 20 seconds.
c) Bring him to the garage to point out the gigantic mess that he made in there.
d) Give him the number of a cleaning woman who you “think is desperate and single.” Then throw the entire contents of your wardrobe on the bedroom floor.
4. Though you’ve logged lots of hours with his family, you can’t remember the last time he spent any quality time with yours. You:
a) Don’t press it. No point to make him mad.
b) Say, “My sisters keep asking me why you don’t like them. Isn’t that weird?”
c) Tell him, “Darn, well I can’t attend that important party with your family after all.”
d) Start crying until he feels like crap.
5. The two of you see his very pretty coworker at a bar. He’d say he was friendly; you’d say flirty. At home, you:
a) Whisper “nothing” each of the 10 times he asks you what’s wrong.
b) Say, “So…you seemed pretty excited to see that one. Has she gained weight?”
c) Force him to dissect every word of their exchange (like, “Great to see you. Great to see you? What the hell does that mean?!”).
d) Throw his pillow on the sofa and slam your bedroom door shut.