Now that you're coupled up, should some of your friends go?

We had a friend do a similar thing - she was even my maid of honor! She made every decision (dresses, shoes, etc.) difficult when all my other girls were in agreement on things. Then she he talked poorly about me to my bridesmaids and friends while I wasn't around during the wedding weekend. Thankfully the other girls told me about it after I got back from the honeymoon - being the much better friends they were! I let her know how I felt about it and haven't really spoken to her since...she was toxic way before the wedding, which my husband kept trying to tell me, but that was the last straw. My life has been a lot better since!

Wow, I could not disagree more with the author's "how to phase out a toxic friend" advice. Basically, you counsel people to first try three forms of passive aggressive behavior, and only resort to direct communication as a last resort? How about first attempting some direct conflict resolution? Or if you're set on cutting them loose, then do it with some integrity. I've dealt with (and cut loose) my fair share of toxic friends, and hopefully never with the level of dishonesty or disrespect that the author advocates here.

Yeah, mercystreet, I agree, it's kind of a shady way to handle the situation. Wouldn't your life (and theirs) be much easier and clearer if you were just up front about your concerns/frustrations from the beginning? That way, not only do you stop wasting time trying to beat around the bush with toxic friends, but they stop wasting their own time trying to "keep" you. They may not be respecting you, but it doesn't give you the right to disrespect them. Everyone works better on full knowledge of the situation in this case. They'll probably then go talk crap about you to others, but chances are, if they're toxic to you, they're toxic to others and what they say wont get much attention anyway.

I have a friend who was actually a bridesmaid in our wedding. Her boyfriend broke up with her almost a year ago (before our wedding) and she talks about him like they're still together. I've actually heard her tell people that she's going through a "nasty divorce" when they were never even engaged! She is constantly passive agressivly making fun of my husband and I, and when confronted about it she says "oh you know I'm just playing!" I feel like I need to invite her to get togethers because she's so unhappy but she makes our parties miserable!! I don't know what to do about this one because we've been friends for so long,but I don't know this person anymore!

Having read the other comments, I think that there is a bit of truth in each one. Personally, I advocate spending the majority of your time with people that do not make you feel bad. You are in control of your reality. Once you make a decision, the healthy people will be present, and the unhealthy people will be in your presence only minimally, if at all. Sometimes telling them directly works, but in a work or family situation, this may only cause more harm, because you have to interact with them over the years anyway. Think of what it is you want,...and what is the behavior that will get you there.

We create our own reality. As soon as we truly decide something, it will manifest itself. Think of what it is you want and then do the behavior that gets you that. This is the hard part.

I have a friendship w/someone that I ended 7 years ago because of how she made me feel. She would ditch me at clubs/bars to go with random guys, she always made me feel bad about myself, and always made me feel inferior to her. A year ago, we reconnected and I thought she had changed. She complained about why she is still single (and I was then) engaged. She claims to want someone, but puts all her dates down and then publicly announces how bad/poor/short/uneducated they were. She has openly said she wants a rich doctor to take care of her so she can eat bonbons by the pool!!! I almost did not invite her to my wedding, but decided not to start any fires. Everything was fine, but she is so dramatic and both my husband and I cringe at the thought of hanging out with her. I have tried talking to her directly AND the phase out thing after...but somehow she keeps coming around.

This is great. My only question is *how* to approach this issue when the "toxic friend" is your own sister? She has hit every single one of these points while in a relationship, and then after both of her finance's left her (due to her toxic attitude). The issue goes deeper since she is older and ends up treating me like a immature child, to this day. Talking to her civilly is just an exercise in futility, as it either only works temporarily, or she turns around and tells her skewed side of the story to the rest of the family, first, to get them on her side. I'm currently trying the e-freeze method, as she lives in another city, but that's just breaking my mother's heart. My hubby is furious at her for constantly treating me like she does and wants to tell her off, but that's probably not the best tactic for a new husband while trying to integrate into the family. Gotta love him for having my back, though.

I have a toxic bitter single friend who has made it very clear that she wants to have a threesome with my husband and I. We're both not interested in stuff of that nature. She keeps asking me very private questions in regards to my husband, and it has been making me uncomfortable how much she asks about him. I've also seen her staring at my husband's crotch on more then one occasion, she told me, "I haven't figured out your husband yet", I asked her, "why would you feel the need to figure him out if you're not married to him".....I am taking the advice in this article and going to ignore her phone calls, she's strange, toxic and after my husband.

I have a single friend who is toxic. She has not grasped the concept yet that my house is my husband and I's house. If I invite her over is is NOT ok for her to bring a slew of friends with her, and invite all of them to 'crash' at our house or that they can 'help themselves' to whatever is in OUR fridge. The sad part is, I've talked to her about it, and she has no respect. Guess who is never getting an invitation to come over again?! HER!

I think those friends that are "conversation hijackers" as I like to call them would also fall into this category. Know anyone like this?: you are telling a story and they cut you off and tell their own related story and never give you the chance to finish your story. They are constantly looking for opportunity to talk about themselves and rarely inquire about your life. They interrupt all the time, and give unsolicited advice. They compare your lives, and are always trying to one-up you. Yes, I've had to cut those kinds of friends loose. But unfortunately I have some new family members/other close friends that have the same complex, and I just have to deal with it.

I think we are on the other end of this, We are the couple that gets to have fun vacations and we are pretty active, but we save our money and work very hard for this, while we have a couple that is always saying quick snotty things or behind our backs about it. But it's things going on in our lives, and we should be able to share our happiness too? When good things happen to us should we not be able to tell them or anyone? These are simple things as much as going to dinner and a movie, which they don't usually have the spare money todo? We've both just graduated getting new jobs, and finally able to do those fun things, I'm afraid they may be getting upset because they are just falling behind? We try to do things they can afford we've invited them over for dinner and a movie.. but I heard snideness about how we got a new dishes set?! literally putting them down... it ends up just being stressful to please them and tip toe around them

OMG. It is nice to see that other people go through the same thing that my husband and I have.

I seem to agree with everyone here! I had a friend of mine who has always one-upped me and throughout my bachelorette party half of my girls couldn't stand her and even at our wedding reception she was making up lies about how she "helped me with EVERYTHING" and commenting on how "corny" parts of it was. People don't have any respect for anyone and are really insecure with themselves. I've written her out and when I do see her talk is minimal.

I am married to my conquistador, my prince... even our wedding was like a fairytale; we were married at Spaniard castle overlooking the sea. When your hubby is a knight in shining armor, sometimes he played that role for other people, while single. I am sure it was fun to be the man who came to the rescue all the damsels in distress, but now that we are 2 as 1, it might be time to focus on the home-front and take care of things here first. The toxic ones, AKA damsels in distress, DID,) can find their own hero. I have won this prince's heart and he need not spend his time in pursuit or out to conquer anyone else's dragons... It has been quite the transition from single to married, some DID’s still want to be priority, and we have had to be careful not to offend but be sure to let them know that this is our time together and their drama is not welcome. If they want to be in our lives they need to respect the marriage, if they can’t do so, then they will be exiled from our inner circle. Although some people may still need the help, we can only pray for them and refer to a good psychotherapist.

I tried to accommodate her 70-238 exam by buying all black dresses that she wanted - which obviously affected the flowers and decor etc of the wedding. But at the last minute cut her loose and went out and bought all the beautiful yellow dresses (and open toed shoes) I wanted! It was exactly the wedding I wanted, and my bridesmaids looked and felt beautiful. Its a shame so much of planning my wedding was ruined by such a jealous and thoughtless person that MB2-631 exam I kept trying to convince myself was a friend.I should have listened to the true friends who saw what she was doing! At the end of the day the only two people who matter are you and 70-284 exam your spouse and you need to cut loose anyone that distracts/ aggravates YOUR special relationship.

It's hard but worth it to get rid of toxic friends; I had a toxic friend that showed all the signs and I kept her around. I know it's not my fault completely, but she slept with my former husband while we were still married and even though I knew how toxic she was I kept her around. Hind sight is 20/20 and I should have told her to fck off a long time ago.