1. Farts are the great equalizer. A lot of couples are afraid to play the butt trumpet in front of each other. Big mistake! You're living together now, guys; nothing is off limits. Nobody likes to hold it in just because your partner is within the blast radius, so the sooner you start lettin' 'em rip, the happier both of you will be. Plus, farts are funny. You guys will get hours of merriment cutting them in front of each other. For extra fun: Close the windows.
2. When the in-laws drop by unannounced, go clothing optional. Show them whose territory it is right away. They should follow the rules. You do in their home. They should in yours. If they insist on keeping their old-people clothes on their old-people bodies, fine. But you are going to let it all hang out, my friend. Until they leave. And don't come back.
3. The best housewarming parties involve fondue. The more fondue the better. All kinds of fondue. Cheese, chocolate, ham. Yes, ham fondue. It's melted ham. Does that sound disgusting? You bet it does. No matter. The point is that you've moved in together, and if your friends won't eat a little melted ham to celebrate your love then they're not your real friends.
4. If you don’t like what the other person is wearing, cuss them out. That means when you’re about to leave the house and you totally hate the outfit they have on, the right thing to do is say (in a quiet, soothing voice), "What the f*** are you wearing?” Then just stare at them until they change.
5. When you can’t agree on what movie to see, compromise with a stupid movie about a stupid couple. She wants to see that stupid movie about those stupid girls who talk about their problems and cry. He wants to see that movie about those stupid guys who battle some stupid monsters who want to eat the planet. The perfect compromise is to see that stupid movie about that stupid couple who move in together and everything goes horribly wrong because they don't itemize the bills and she has this stupid eye mask she wears before bed and Zach Galifianakis plays his best friend and then everything works out at the end because they realize that even though they're both stupid, they're actually perfect for each other. (Then you should go home and boff each other's brains out.)
See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex