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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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The Newlywed Fight Club

Photo by Veer

Came back from your honeymoon and found out that -- surprise! -- the honeymoon really is over? Here are some common fightin’ words and how to make nice again.

"You never nuke the burrito long enough!"

Yeah, you're probably right. But are soggy beans really worth bitching over? Or how they drive, hog the remote, or fold the towels? When you feel like blurting something out, take a deep breath and count to twenty or chill out in another room. Chances are your annoyance will fade (or you'll just realize that it's better to pick your battles). If you attack everything your spouse does, they may just tune you out when you have something that's actually worth discussing.

“I didn’t know you were going out tonight…”
You share an address, a bed, and maybe even a last name. That’s reason enough to give each other space once in a while. After getting married, years of ingrained behavior isn’t going to suddenly stop, and trying to give up independence ain’t gonna work. If one of you wants to take off with friends on a Friday night, give your spouse an early heads up and come home when you say you’re going to come home.

“That’s going in the basement.”
Whether you lived together or not before you got hitched, merging your stuff can be a total buzzkill. You want your grandmother’s candle set on the table; he wants to hang his Raging Bull poster in the living room. The common denominator? Neither of you wants to lose who you are. So compromise. Instead of immediately vetoing each other's stuff, both agree to keep half of your fave items in question, and donate the rejects charity (hey, it's a tax write-off!). 

“What the hell is this charge on your AMEX?”
You’re used to spending whatever you want, whenever you want (even if you didn’t have it). Not anymore. What one person may see as a necessity, another may see as a waste. That’s why it’s key to agree on how to spend and save. How much do you want to sock away for retirement? How much do you want to spend together, be it on a couch or a vacay to Hawaii? And finally, how much do you each get as "fun money"? Get started with our handy budgeter.
“It’s your mom again; I’m not answering.”
Hate to break it to you, but when you tied the knot, you also married each other’s families. The key is to tell each other what you expect from your in-laws and figure out what you can tolerate. Then raise your tolerance level 10 degrees. Once boundaries are established, you’ll be able to put your foot down without starting an argument. Check out our easy tips for setting boundaries with your in-laws.

-- The Nest Editors

See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex , How to , Sex Q&A