Meltdown 1: The Battle of the AC
It’s too hot. It’s too cold. Where the heck is just right? When it comes to running your air conditioner, the two of you can never agree on the perfect temperature. You like an ocean breeze while he prefers an arctic chill, or vice versa. The cranky conclusion: One person always winds up shivering and resentful, or the other turns into an overheated mess.
Chill out tactic: Meeting in the middle of your two desired temps is a no-brainer, but there’s a little more to it. If you’re always getting iced out by the AC, switch sides of the bed so you’re farthest from the direct air. Also, keep your AC off when you’re out of the house. It’ll lower your energy bill and give your body time to adjust in the time it takes to cool the house down again.
Meltdown 2: Marathon Car Trip Trauma
You know those road trips
that always start out so fun? You’re stocked up on snacks and have the tunes blasting and the open road ahead of you. But factor in scorching seatbelts, stick-to-your-thighs seats, and hot sun baking you through the windshield like oven-roasted chicken and suddenly the highway becomes hell. It doesn’t help that the two of you have already discussed your dream home, named your future children, and listened to that Black Eyed Peas CD three times -- you’ve officially run out of things to say. The only conversation topic: whose fault it is that you’re freakin’ lost.
Chill out tactic: Build in stops every hour so you can clear your heads and cool off. When you hop back in the car, take turns driving (and navi-guessing) so neither of you can play the “we’re lost, you idiot” blame game.
Meltdown 3: Who-Drank-the-Last-Water Fights
It’s the middle of the night, in the middle of a heat wave. You stumble to the kitchen, parched, and open the fridge. You shake the carton of OJ. Silence. You hit the lever on your Brita filter -- bone dry. So you reach for a soda -- oh wait, there is no soda because your spouse guzzled it all at dinner. As you turn to the sink to fill up a lukewarm glass of water, you can’t help but feel frustrated. Is it too much for your significant other to just throw out the dang OJ so it doesn’t taunt you, or refill the water filter when they’re done so you can have a frosty 2 a.m. glass?
Chill out tactic: You can play drink police, but c’mon, how long is that gonna last? Keep a pitcher of water filled with ice cubes on your nightstand. When you wake up in the middle of the night, you’ll have something to instantly cool you down.
Meltdown 4: Wandering Eye Wars
Hot weather means less clothing. And less clothing means more accidental ogling of members of the opposite sex -- right in front of your mate. Whether he’s giving himself whiplash over that chick in her hello-I’m-braless sundress or you’re struggling to pick up your jaw when a surfer with 10-pack abs jogs by, it can only lead to one thing: bickering. Sure, it may mean “nothing,” but that’s not what it looked like. Clearly they were distracted (and attracted). And now they’re denying it? Yeah, nice try. Hmph.
Chill out tactic: Accept that some heat-induced checkouts are bound to happen (you’re married, not dead). Turn it into a light punishment game: Whoever gets caught ogling has to pick up the check, whether you’re at a bar or on vacation. So bring on those sundresses…and margaritas.
Meltdown 5: Movie Madness
Everyone knows the best place to be on a sweltering day is an ice-cold movie theater. But fighting over what to see can be brutal…hey, movies are wicked expensive (throw in some popcorn and soda and you’re breaking the $30 mark) and you can only afford to spring for one flick. Problem is, the two of you can never agree on what to see. It’s always a compromise: “Okay fine (cue sighing)…you can drag me to another chick flick” or “You win…can’t wait for another lame, machine-gun movie.”
Chill out tactic: Research a flick that caters to both of you. The Hangover is typical guys’ comedy fare that’ll crack him up and have enough eye candy to keep you glued to the screen (hello, Bradley Cooper). If he’s craving some action, take him to Public Enemies in July…c’mon, it’s Johnny “cheekbones” Depp.
Meltdown 6: Don’t-Touch-Me Sunburns
No, it’s not your partner’s fault that you forgot to put on sunscreen and are currently the shade of bacon. But could they just stop touching you already? The skin on your shoulders is crackling and your back is so tender you can barely put on a T-shirt. Meanwhile, they just don’t seem to get that you’re dying of sun poisoning over here. So you push them away -- and their stupid tube of aloe. You’re in such a foul mood you just want to be alone in the dark all day anyway.
Chill out tactic: Yeah, it sucks that you’re in pain, but get over it…and get help in those hard-to-reach places. Ask your spouse to lay damp washcloths over your back, the backs of your legs, and wherever else you’re scorched that you can’t reach. Before long, your burn -- and your temper -- will mellow out.
Meltdown 7: Sticky Sleep Sessions
Cuddling all night with your spouse? You’re all over it…when it’s not 90 degrees at midnight, that is. Stale air, heavy sheets, and cling-to-your-skin sleepwear turn your 1,000-BTU-producing spouse into enemy #1. Before long you’re tossing and turning, fighting over the only non-damp part of the bed and griping about sweaty leg hair. You’re just too hot to, well, get each other hot. Hell, you’re too hot to even fall asleep, thanks to that space heater snoozing next to you. If only you could have this queen-sized mattress all to yourself.
Chill out tactic: Take cold showers right before you get into bed -- in the buff -- and crack open the window. The combo will keep you cool just long enough to get your party started and pass out before your body temperatures rise again.
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