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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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Quiz: How Honest Are You with Your Spouse?

From finances to foreplay, do you two have a full-disclosure policy? Take this quiz to find out.

Photo by Andy Martin / The Nest

1. You happen to bump into your most significant ex. That night, you start thinking about your ex as you’re falling asleep. You:
A. Casually bring it up the next morning, as in, “By the way, I bumped into [blank] yesterday. I said we were married now and ended the conversation quickly.”
B. Wake up your spouse to tell them what happened and how you can’t stop thinking about it. Once you get it off your chest, you’ll feel much better.
C. Count sheep like a madman and don’t say anything—mentioning the person’s name will only hurt your partner.

2. Before you met your spouse, you had a fair share of credit card debt. Though you pay on time every month, the balance you racked up isn’t exactly shrinking. You:
A. Come clean calmly over dinner so you’re on the same page. After all, your credit history will affect your spouse when you make joint purchases, like a house or car.
B. Drop the bombshell by putting your credit card statement on their pillow with a note that says: “Pay me! Pay me!”
C. Wouldn’t consider mentioning it to your partner- everyone you know is in debt so what’s the big deal

3. That “mind blowing” thing your spouse does in the sack…well, it’s not. Your solution:
A. Drop some “noise hints” until your spouse busts a new move (translation: total silence peppered with yawns).
B. Sit up in bed and say, “Hmm… was that supposed to be sexy?”
C. Ignore it – what goes on under the covers is just too sensitive to talk about.

4. Your in-laws want to be close. Really, really close. Recently, they’ve been talking about moving… to your neighborhood. Your reaction?
A.Keep all your cringing to a minimum (chances are, this idea is even less palatable to your partner). But do absolutely nothing to encourage it.
B. Tell you spouse that if it happens, you’ll also be relocating… to an asylum.
C. Stuff your feelings and introduce your in-laws to a great broker you know.

5. When you swap “fantasy futures,” your spouse describes a place in the country. The thought of abandoning urban life makes you itch. You:
A. Don’t just agree, but don’t rain on your honey’s parade either… who knows what your taste will be in 10 years?
B. Tell ol’ Green Acres to let the dream die. If you can’t get sushi delivered at 2 a.m., it’s simply too rustic for you.
C. Say, “That sounds so relaxing!” Then subscribe to Cottage Living – hey, love means learning to like what they like, right?

6. For your birthday, your partner proudly presents you with an itchy wool sweater you loathe. You:
A. Express gratitude but don’t go overboard. You don’t want to give the impression that they scored a home run. Hello, that would have some seriously sad implications for next year’s gift.
B. Say,” Sure hope you kept the receipt!” Why be fake when you could exchange it for something you really want?
C. Pretend to love it and dutifully don it once a month…at a remote location where nobody knows you and, of course, with a T-shirt underneath so you don’t get hives.

7. You’ve noticed your partner has been avoiding the gym lately and has started to – how can we say this nicely? – pile on the pounds. You:
A. Make a sideways comment, such as, “Up for a jog, honey?” Maybe your significant other will pick up on your subtle hint (okay, maybe it’s not so subtle).
B. Jokingly poke your spouse’s tummy and do the Pillsbury Doughboy giggle.
C. Don’t say a word; after all, you’d be devastated if your partner attempted to monitor your weight. You wouldn’t want someone keeping track of how many Entemann’s doughnuts you scarfed.

Click here to score your quiz.


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