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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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How to Give Each Other Some Space

Sure, you’re sharing a life together, but that doesn’t mean you need to share everything.

When you’re in full-on nesting mode, it’s tempting to spend all your free time together. But believe it or not, sometimes a little distance is actually good for your relationship. Spending some time apart and maintaining a bit of mystery will help keep things interesting. Plus, you’re a lot less likely to take each other for granted and get annoyed by all your partner’s little quirks when you aren’t attached at the hip. But how do you share a space and still get some space? Read on.

Don’t Tell Your Partner Everything
Sure, you’re supposed to share your hopes and dreams, but that doesn’t mean you need to blab to your significant other about every little thing that’s going on in your life right now. In fact, a recent study found that couples whose marriages lasted the longest knew the least about their partners, while couples who knew the most about each other, had the shortest-lasting marriages. That doesn’t mean you should stay mum about your frustrations at work, but your partner probably doesn’t need to know about what you were doing in the bathroom for the past hour, if you catch our drift.

Socialize Separately
Has it been a while since you went out without the old ball and chain? While hanging out with other couples and getting to know each other’s friends is definitely important, it’s also important to catch up with friends or grab drinks with coworkers -- sans the significant other. So try to plan a girls’ (or guys’) night once a month, and encourage your partner to do the same. And consider joining a running or book group on your own.

Go It Alone Sometimes
Part of the fun of being in a relationship is having someone to do things with. And living with someone who knows how to cook more than just pasta or can work that universal remote is a definite perk. But it also makes it easy to become borderline (or perhaps, full-fledged) codependent. If there’s someone else who will handle the bills, you don’t need to ever learn to track your finances. And if your partner’s always by your side, you don’t have to worry about making conversation with strangers at a party or negotiating a deal on your own. But as easy as it might be to rely on your partner, being completely dependent isn’t very sexy or realistic. Tempted to ask your significant other to tag along on errands for yourself? Fight the urge and go alone once in a while. Always move through parties side by side instead of breaking off and talking to people on your own? Wander off for a little while and spark up separate convos.

Maintain Your Independence
It’s important that you don’t give up all the things that made you you just because your partner doesn’t share all the same interests. Yes, you should make room for your partner and that involves compromise, but it’s still important for both of you to find time for your own pursuits. So just because he doesn’t love yoga or she doesn’t love golf, doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t love you because you’re so into your hobbies or you’re so devoted to staying fit. Plus, pursuing your passions makes you a more interesting partner. So leave your guy at home while you go on a yoga retreat, or play golf with your buds on Sunday afternoons.

Also Check Out How to Role Play (Without Cracking Up).

-- Kristin Koch

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