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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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Love Q&A: Help! He never wants to entertain!

The Nest Q&A

I want to entertain friends a lot but he's not interested and complains every time we have people over. How do we compromise?

Though humans are social creatures by nature, it’s a minority of people that would want people over all the time. You may be unusually social and may need to learn that your husband needs his space or his down time. He may need to learn to come out of his shell or at least allow you space to enjoy entertaining, every now and then.

You could compromise by going with a middle-ground number – for example, if you want to have people over three times a week and he wants people over once a week, then you could compromise on twice a week – but then both of you lose. Instead, look for a way to both win. For example, would you both get what you wanted if you hosted a Super Bowl or March Madness party? Or if he went out with the guys and you had the girls over to watch Top Chef or drink wine?

He also might prefer certain types of gatherings. Some people like small crowds but not big ones. There may be some things you can do at your house and other things you’ll need to meet up with your friends at a restaurant for or ask them to host from time to time so that he can either skip out or leave early if he needs time alone.

By talking to each other about what kind of social life you want and what each of your needs for space are, you can help to create the kind of life at home or with friends that is important to you both. Remember, too, to make time to be together -- just the two of you.

Nestpert: Debby Herbenick, PhD, is a research scientist at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction. She blogs at MySexProfessor.com.

-- Debby Herbenick

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