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Love Q&A: Posting too much personal info on Facebook?

The Nest Q&A

He gets mad when I post personal things about our lives on Facebook. It’s nothing too personal so I don’t see the big deal!

Define personal. If he’s upset that you posted what you ate for lunch, that’s one thing. But if he’s upset that you’re posting something that involves him, then he has a right to have input. Your Facebook status updates may not be chronicling your sex life (at least I hope not!) but if you put anything on Facebook that makes him uncomfortable, try to listen carefully to his concerns.

He has a right, for example, to insist that you not put anything on Facebook that involves him. If he doesn’t want his picture on Facebook or information about what he’s doing, then you should respect that. Even though many of us are pretty open on Facebook, some people are not for good reason. Employers sometimes use Facebook information and pictures to make decisions about hiring or promotions. Your husband may be worried that a drunken picture of him or a wall post that references his political affiliation could put him in a bad position one day.

Then again, you also have rights to post things about yourself. If he is upset about your own personal self-expression then you may want to have a talk about the many ways that people express themselves through music, clothes, cars, cooking, books, hairstyles, makeup, and careers -- and yes, now through Facebook. Finally, talking together about your privacy settings and demonstrating that you have taken precautions to protect your information from people outside your group of family and friends may help your case.

Nestpert: Debby Herbenick, PhD, is a research scientist at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction. She blogs at MySexProfessor.com.

-- Debby Herbenick

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