how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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Quiz: Are You On The Same Page?

See how often your answers cross over -- and how in sync you both are with the biggest relationship hot buttons: sex, communication, work, socializing, family, chores, fighting, and the future. Be honest.

1. Money can create big problems for a couple. How do you handle your finances together?
a. You merged your money and talk about your financial goals often.
b. You take a “yours, mine, and ours” approach to your bank accounts.
c. You keep your money separate. You don’t trust anyone with your savings!


2. Since you’ve married, family and friends have been asking the big question: When are you having a baby? Your response:
a. You’ve talked about it and have a time frame in mind, but it’s not happening right now.
b. You can’t wait! Now you just have to convince you know who.
c. Sure, that’s exactly what you need -- two kids in the house.


3. If you had to rate your sex life, you’d say:
a. It’s even hotter now! Being husband and wife is a major turn-on.
b. It’s the same as it’s always been: comfy and cozy.
c. Ho-hum. You’re busy with work and setting up your new home, so you’re pretty tired at night.


4. It’s Friday night! You can’t wait to
a. order in some takeout, curl up on the couch with your sweetie, and watch a DVD.
b. meet up with another couple for dinner.
c. go barhopping with friends.


5. If either you or your spouse were asked to take on a special project at work that meant more travel time and longer hours, how would you come to a decision?
a. You would discuss the opportunity with your spouse, then make a joint decision.
b. You would take your spouse’s feelings into consideration, but ultimately make the final decision by yourself.
c. You would make a somewhat independent decision based on your career and money.


6. It’s Sunday morning and without warning your mother-in-law has shown up once again. When she leaves, what do you say to your spouse?
a. “Honey, I like spending time with your mom, but could you ask her to at least call before coming over?”
b. “I think it’s really inconsiderate of her to keep doing this. You need to talk to her about it -- or I will!”
c. “She is driving me crazy! The next time she comes over, I’m out of here!”


7. You feel that your spouse regards your advice as
a. always valuable, even if he/she doesn’t always take it.
b. occasionally helpful, but more often he/she sees it as an unwelcome interference.
c. …little as possible! He/she’s pretty decisive and doesn’t like to feel controlled.


8. When having a big argument, you tend to
a. talk things out until you’ve come to some sort of agreement. You don’t believe in going to bed angry!
b. agree to walk away until you’ve both cooled down. Both of you can hit below the belt when angry, so it’s best if you talk it over the next day.
c. give each other the silent treatment for the next week. The first one to back down loses!


9. You come home to find a sink full of dirty dishes. You
a. try to remember whose turn it is to clean up. You like to divvy up the household chores evenly.
b. grab a sponge and start scrubbing. If you don’t do it, no one will.
c. walk away. You can’t clean up after him/her again.


10. As far as your spouse’s pals go, you
a. enjoy hanging out with them -- they’re your buddies too.
b. can take ’em or leave ’em. You hang with them to make your mate happy.
c. would rather get a root canal then deal with that crew.

 

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