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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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The 10 Things I Don't Want for the Holidays

For millions of couples this holiday season, gifts will be exchanged, smiles will be forced, and men will say, “I love it!” while lying through their teeth. Some gifts are wonderful. Many suck. To help you avoid the latter, here are the 10 things I (and probably your guy) don’t want for Kwanzachristmannukah.

1. A gift anywhere
Yes, men are functional creatures and we don’t stand on ceremony. We like gift a present from our cousin. Or coworker. But from you? Really? It’s dangerously close to an envelope full of cash, which, even for us, is tacky.

2. Man jewelry
There are about 4,783 problems with this gift. Let’s start with two. I don’t like wearing jewelry. And I’ll worry that you’ve outspent me and I’ll feel guilty. Other than that, uh, thanks.

3. A wok
Unless your guy happens to be a chef, never get him something like a wok or a pancake griddle. It’s a hint that lacks subtlety, and it’s passive-aggressive. How’d you like it if I got you a vacuum cleaner?

4. Tickets to the ballet
Or the opera. Or that hot new interpretive dance troupe. I’m open-minded and I like trying new cultural experiences, but that shouldn’t hijack my holiday gift. That’s like you saying after dinner, “Okay, and for dessert, I’m serving you broccoli!”

5. A “coupon book”
You know the type. “One Free Massage!” “One Hour of Anything You Want in the Bedroom -- to Be Redeemed Anytime!” It’s played out. And the coupons for sexual favors? Months from now, when you’re not in the mood, do you really want us to “pay” you with a coupon? Paying for sex is called...well, prostitution.

6. Books from your favorite author
Let’s clear up a big myth about book-giving: When you give me a book -- one you recommend -- I am doing you a favor, as you’re asking me to spend 5 to 15 hours of my life on this chore. Books don’t cost money. Books cost time.

7. Baby stuff
Whoa whoa whoa. If you’re telling us that we’re about to become a dad, this is not the way to do it. And if we’re already expecting, this isn’t the time or place for “Project Baby” homework. My gift should be about me. (That’s not selfish, is it?)

8. Luggage
It would take many sessions with a psychiatrist to decode this gift. Are you hinting we should take our relationship up a notch and travel together more? Do you want me to hit the road? Do you want me to get rid of my old baggage? Too much to think about.

9. Framed photos
Awwww. A cute photo of us skiing in Aspen. How’d you know that’s exactly what I wanted? A handy rule of thumb: If something can double as a holiday card to our parents, we want as little to do with it as possible.

10. Love
Let’s be honest. The “gift of love” just isn’t going to cut it. Sure, love conquers all, love makes the world go ’round, love’s all you need, yada yada yada, but saying “Love is a gift” is like saying “Kindness pays rent.” Give me something I can unwrap.

Jeff Wilser is the author of The Maxims of Manhood and the editor of

10 gifts he will love >

Gift ideas for everyone on your list >

-- Jeff Wilser

See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex