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how to: deal with issues

Every marriage is bound to encounter a few bumps along the road, especially when you're first starting out. We're here to help you out with solutions to couples issues and common newlywed arguments. First, find out about the tried-and-true stuff your parents probably wish they'd known. We've sorted out the newlywed "rules" you can ignore from the relationship mistakes you need to avoid. Learn the right way to handle a fight and the solutions to the most common newlywed arguments. We've also got help for couples issues that are specific to the modern marriage. For example, the four rules of Facebook for couples, how to deal when you're married to a metrosexual, and handling coworker crushes. You can also read our expert Q&A for dealing with all kinds of couples issues. Find tips on making friends as a couple, managing work stress as a pair, and avoiding common newlywed arguments about stuff like cleaning and entertaining. We'll help you solve issues with everyone -- your honey, your couple friends, your in-laws -- and find solutions that work in every part of your life, from the bedroom to the office. From whether it's okay to tell friends about your issues to breaking out of a sex rut, we've got you covered. And don't forget your fellow Nesties! We've pulled together lists of real couple gripes and likes, Nesties' marriage secrets, and their most ridiculous fights -- you're sure to relate to something! Or find even more sympathetic ears with our relationships message board.

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Relationship Q&A: Out-of-control Arguments?


The Nest Q&A

My husband and I are both stubborn, and we never back down during arguments. After bickering, we feel bad. So how do we keep small issues from spiraling out of control?


It sounds like you've both met your match. Do you fantasize about having your spouse always give in, never take a stand, and back away from every discussion like a whimpering dog? Us neither. So there are going to be times when things get heated, especially between a husband and wife with stubborn streaks.

But beware: The price both of you will pay for always being right and winning an argument is feeling alone. Standing your ground feels good in the moment, but it quickly can turn sour. So ask yourself why it's so important to you to stay firm and not compromise. Little things shouldn't cause big problems, so there might be a bigger problem that you're not facing. Maybe you choose to bicker over non-issues that actually represent more significant issues.

You've probably heard it before, but you really need to pick your battles. Stop trying to win all of the time, and your mate will take your cue (and hopefully back down too). When you feel yourself going into that stubborn-mule mode, take a minute to collect your thoughts, calm down, and stop fighting just to fight. And keep in mind: You're a great team. If you ever need someone in your corner, you'll have a partner who will fight with you, not against you.

[Nestpert] Nili Sachs, PhD, a marriage and relationships coach in Minneapolis

-- Grace Jidoun

See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex , Sex Q&A