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How to Ditch Your Post-Fight Gabfest

A lovers' spat is one drama you should not save for your mama (or your pals). If you head straight for the phone after a fight to bitch to anyone who will listen, it's time to break the habit. Here's why.

Gabfest

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So your pattern goes something like this: Fight it out. Reach for phone. Spill your guts. Sure, all your friends and relatives would totally wear “Team [insert your name here]!” T-shirts with pride. But broadcasting a blowup can backfire in more ways than one. Here are six common tiffs, who you blab to about them, and how to resist the urge to dish.

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See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex

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does anyone really do this? and by the way, the title of this article is vague and confusing. don't you have editors for this kind of thing?

by luckystar85 on Sep 03, 2010

I feel like some of these are between just your beau and you, but it's important to share your issues with other people too! Just because you're married doesn't mean you only have to talk to eachother about problems that you're having together. It always helps me to talk to my girlfriends to know that I'm not alone and for them to put things back into perspective. Sometimes, there are things that you just shouldn't have to put up with and your friends can help you realize that! So, keep on gabbing about those fights people!!

by coziluv08 on Sep 03, 2010

This article doesn't help at all. We fight about my emotions and he claims when I don't clean up I don't give a ----.I have an urge to gab because he calls me horrible names after I try to apologise; he says he doesn't believe I'm sorry. I gab because I'm American and Im completely alone in a different country. Since I've been here I haven't gone home once and I fear my homesickness is playing into it making things seem worse... I just don't know what to do. His whole family thinks I'm the problem too that I'm just an emotional American bitch. How do I stop arguing with him?

by annamarie.farone@gmail.com on Sep 03, 2010

I agree that this article is not helpful at all. But Annamarie, I worry about your entry... he sounds kind of abusive. With that said, what country are you in? I know culturally there are different expectations of husband/wives in different countries, and it sounds like he may need to experience some of what we do here. (You've obviously experienced it there). Can you both come home and spend some time, maybe with your family, so he can see what "roles" you grew up with? My mom and dad are from different countries, and the met in my dad's country but when he moved here, my mom wouldn't date him until he dated other american girls so he would understand her more. I think it worked fairly well for them. Just a thought. Take care.

by taniabsb on Sep 04, 2010

I agree with luckystar85...terrible article and unrealistic. It should just be an article about why to respect your significant other instead of getting over complicated. Completely useless. I hope other articles are better or it'd be easy to loose interest in this site. @annamarie, it's not ok to call names. If he's committed to you then he should be solve problems and compromise with you without resorting to childish behavior. That's worse than the offense of not cleaning. If you need to make some changes, do it. But it sounds like he does too.

by mariannesn on Sep 27, 2010

I think this article is incomplete. There are many, many other issues that couples disagree about. Anyway ladies, who do u talk to about ur MIL ? >.

by pinkflybutter on Sep 27, 2010

for me, every one of these except for the "he wants sex constantly" was backwards. what kind of guy is so anal that he's going to go to his wife's mother and complain about her cleanliness? let alone complain about her not being ready for children!?! come on, in reality, how many men are ready for children before their wives? seriously. this article made me laugh. i didn't get confused by the title of the article.. i got confused by the article itself! whoever lives that life, is seriously different than anyone i have ever met IN MY LIFE!

by StargazerLily07 on Jan 05, 2011

this is very true.

by smrodrig81 on Feb 18, 2011

I agree that this article was lame... I quit dishing details to girlfriends.. I just talk to my mom most of the time.

by jammers8013 on Feb 18, 2011

My SIL does this! Anytime her hubby does something she doesn't like, thinks is mean or irresponsible she calls our other SIL (his sister) & "tells on him". That prompts SIL to tell their mom who is supposed to then advise her son to do what makes his wife happy. UGH! grow up & handle your own marriage!!

by chrisbrent on Feb 22, 2011

Lame. People need to learn how to communicate with their spouses. No one else can fix the problem for you. A marriage is supposed to be two people working together, not: two people, their mom, the best friend and the next door neighbor. When conflict happens, get away for a little while and then come back together, determine what the real issue is and work on a plan that will make both spouses satisfied. This may require some give and take- negotiation and compromise.

by gracefulduck88 on Feb 23, 2011

What IS this trash??? Come on Nest, you are really blowing it. Consider me Unsubscribed.

by Ghoti on Aug 03, 2011

Yes, Nest. I would just call my parents because I want a Coach purse in that situation and not because I'm worried he won't be a stable source of income for our future children, will regret having children because it stopped him from finally finding out what he wanted to do with his career and being a fulfilled person and good partner.

by geographygrad on Aug 03, 2011

Really ppl? This advice is the same advice I got from our premarital councilor. You can't go running to your friends and your family when you and your spouse have fights or disagree on something. I don't understand those of you who think this is ok? Have you NEVER had your parents or your friends hold or carry a grudge for you? Have you NEVER worked out the issue of your husband's job hunting/house cleaning/whatever, only to have the people you complained to form the impression that your spouse is lazy or a slob? This article is right. Your friends and family will gladly fight for you and be on your team and that can be comforting, but having them take up the grudge, one they will hold on to FAR longer than you will, will only make it difficult to convince them that he/she HAS changed when the issue sets itself right. Our councilor told us that the ONLY people to "complain" about your husband to, are people who DON'T have a vested interest in one party over the other. Our pastors, councilors, and mutual friends (ones we trust to have good advice and who love us both equally and will give us tough love advice) are the only people we go to and we GO TOGETHER. If we don't go together (as I have before) I know they're the people I SHOULD be going to, because they say, "Come back when you have your husband with you and we can talk about this together." This isn't a bad article. I learned these lessons from people who made these mistakes 20-30 years ago and had to undo the damage decades into their marriages. Maybe the people who this this article is bogus just haven't reaped their "rewards" yet and haven't seen the damage this eventually does in your marriage.

by Saiphyn on Aug 03, 2011

I think this article is EXCELLENT! We are all guilty of it at some point we call our peeps to "vent" or whatever you wanna call it. The thing that people so often forget is that the people we vent to aren't in our relationship. They don't get to see the wonderful person that we are really in love with. When they hear the negative, grudges are formed and when your friends and family don't like who your with it makes things more difficult for everyone involved. Lets just skip the drama, talk it out with your significant other, and then forgive and let it go. And in the meant time couples and our sounding boards alike need to remember there are always three sides of the story, mine, yours, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

by scortez84 on Aug 08, 2011

I've been pissed about the same thing he stayed out too late. I've mentioned it before, he did not respect how i feel so I realize I need to reconnect with some friendship I put on the back burner. I need to put some space between me and my husband he has a social life outside of me I need to do the same. I didn't talk to an outside source about it I decided I'm not going to give him that much respect to consider his feelings when I go out, not to stay out to long, weather that's right or wrong. I have to do it for me. I have to back up a little.

by Angeljones2a on Aug 09, 2011

It is inappropriate to use "bitch" in the opening statement. I could have read it just fine without that word.

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I will never spill my guts to a relative or friend, because that exposes you to different opinions that can end up ending your relationship. The best thing is to walk a away for a while and get your thoughts together before doing anything rash. bachelor degree

by mariagirlt on Dec 14, 2011

This kind of fights between couple are raising big issues in the long run. I took my criminal justice degree online and while I was studying I saw many cases when the wife got so upset on her husband because he came home late constantly and he spent all the money that jealousy and trust disappear and she committed a crime. I think is better to talk with someone than to keep everything inside for a long time.

by danes11 on Dec 19, 2011

I blog about my honey and I on my newlywed blog. He's on board, though, so we don't have any problems. And I'd never say anything he wouldn't be okay with. Check it out if you want. free practice exams

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