If you want to know how not to function as a person, look no further than reality TV. With all the backstabbing, the brawling, the Botox -- it’s your go-to guide for despicable behavior. But can we actually learn anything good from these trashy-yet-addictive shows? I accepted the daunting task of investigating these lessons (read: sitting in front of the TV for hours) and then testing them out these lessons in the real real world. Here are the pearls of wisdom I uncovered.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

The Scene: Workaholic Vicki ("I make my own money and I make my own rules") commits to spending more QT with her husband, Donn, doing her part to fill her oft-empty "love tank." The need for this becomes clear during one of the couple’s awkward -- and mostly silent -- date nights, when Vicki admits she doesn’t know Donn’s age! "Are you serious, Vicki?" whimpers a visually crushed Donn.

The Lesson Learned: Relationships don’t nurture themselves.

My Real-Life Try: I surprised my own husband with a reservation at a swanky restaurant (and a babysitter). On a weeknight, no less. The bonding was great, but between the $15 glasses of wine and the steep sitter fee (we tip big when we’re tipsy), it was a costly venture (we dropped about $300 in under three hours -- d’oh!). Love tank: 1; bank account: 0.

Photo: Mitchell Haaseth/NBCUniversal, Inc. / The Nest