Need an in-law intervention? We'll help you get in good with his family, in-law proof your home, and even figure out your crazy mother-in-law. Plus find out how to survive a weekend with your in-laws.

Wait, is that the doorbell? It's time to hide the vices (71% of Nesties admit to doing it!) and steal these tips to make your abode more PG: parentally gratifying.

Whip out family photos
Replace those crazy Cancun pics of you doing apple-pie shots with family photos (son plus his beaming mom at the wedding is always a hit). Hint: Slide your family photo behind the crazy one in the frame. Should you get a surprise visit, you can quickly swap out the incriminating shot.

Bring out the blooms
Remember after your wedding, when you looked at each other and said, “What the hell are we going to do with all of these vases?� Pull them out and fill ’em with flowers.

Lower the bar
Your frat brothers might be totally impressed by your extensive, top-shelf bar, but if your in-laws see it, they’re going to spend the rest of the night researching Al-Anon groups on the Internet. Streamline your liquor selection and display just a few select bottles. 

Hide the XXX stuff
Take a good look in your nightstand and goodie drawer and decide what you wouldn’t want them to see. Birth control pills, some lube, condoms and fun electronic devices scream, “Your child is having sex, dirty sex!â€� Stash it all in your sock drawer.

Stock the fridge
Parents always worry about whether their kid is eating right, so load your fridge with fresh fruit and veggies, and keep a variety of cookbooks in view...even if you’re really subsisting on Subway and cereal.

Show off the tchotchkes
When ol’ Betty and Bob come over, they’ll be looking around for the (tacky/cheap/inappropriate) gifts they bought you. So keep all the knickknacks you were given in a box under your bed and quickly display them right before your in-laws arrive. Once they leave, toss ‘em back in their hiding place.

Read on, and we’ll show you how to survive the next 48 hours unscathed -- or at least how to escape with only minor injuries.

Friday Night

Whether they arrive by plane, train, or automobile, have refreshments ready. Find out which drinks your father-in-law enjoys and them on hand. Does your mother-in-law have a thing for French cheeses? Put a couple of her favorite varieties on a platter with fruit and crackers. Ask about their trip and keep their mouths full to limit the complaining.

Saturday Morning

Offer an array of bagels or hot or cold cereal. Or suck up to your mother-in-law by asking her to help out. Tell her you were thinking of making pancakes and see if she wants to show you the secret to her famous boysenberry recipe. You kiss-ass, you. 

Saturday Afternoon

Hop in the car with your spouse and gang, and take a scenic tour of the town so the in-laws feel as though they’re getting an exclusive peek into your lives. Even if you don’t think it’s terribly exciting, they will. Follow it up with a trip to the park or an art gallery or catch a movie. It's the perfect convo topic if you're stalled for stuff to say.

Saturday Night

So your in-laws may not be the most exciting Saturday night duo, but try hard anyway. If they're prying too much ("When are we gonna have grandkids?") turn the spotlight on them: How'd they meet? Your mother-in-law may brag about her son incessantly, but has she shared all those funny moments from his childhood?

Sunday Morning

Invite friends over to join the group (trust us, you'll need reinforcements). Keep things casual with a buffet-style spread of breads, muffins, and fruit. When it's time for them to head out,  say how wonderful it was to spend time with them (even if you're lying). Oh, and hold in that sigh of relief until they’re completely out the door.

Get more entertaining tips from the experts at The Nest

Coitus Interruptus
"My husband and I were watching a movie in his parents' basement, then moved to his old bedroom next door. We started having sex when we heard footsteps down the stairs. We figured it was someone coming to the basement, so we kept at it. His dad came into our room and said, 'Oh, you're busy!' then left. The horror!" -- Cat

Full Frontal Nightmare
"My wife's parents gave us their bedroom while we were visiting. One night, I was giving her a backrub by candlelight when her mom walked in. I froze -- stark naked and straddling my wife's butt. The next morning at breakfast, none of us made eye contact, and the next time we visited, they put us in her sister's room." -- Kris  

Crash into Me
"We stayed at my husband's dad's house and were upstairs in a bedroom next to his dad and stepmom's. The first night we started getting it on and broke the headboard."
--Madison

Porch Song
"One time at my husband's mom's house, we were having sex when we heard her pull into the driveway. He quickly finished, dressed, and flew outside to help her with the groceries. I'm not sure how, but he managed to drop the used condom on her front porch. As she was coming into the house, it stuck to the bottom of her shoe. She was like, 'What is this?'"-- Carrie

Little Helper
"My in-laws were visiting for the day, and my father-in-law got it into his head to get on his hands and knees to fix a leg on our couch. He came face-to-face with my vibrator, which was hidden there for some reason." -- Amy

Unfair Game
"One day as we were mid-sex on the basement couch at my wife's parents' place, her mom decided to come downstairs. I couldn’t get my pants up fast enough, so I just pulled my mercifully long shirt down to my pants where I was sitting. Her mom sat down and chatted with us as my pants were partway down, and I was, shall we say, still partially aroused.' -- Ryan

Need to escape? Travel for two ideas.
Entertaining the in-laws? Wow 'em with food!

Even if you hit the in-law lottery and win a stellar set of bonus-parents, it's not always easy to get on their good side (even if you're the most charming person in the world, which we know you are). So instead of shying away from hanging out with them, try jumping in and making an amazing impression. Here's how:

Bring a Special Dish
This 9 x 13-inch offering the next time you're invited over is your clever token of gratitude. It shows you appreciate how much effort they put into hosting dinner. Aren't you a peach! The real truth is you've guaranteed there's something digestible on the table.

Embrace Their Weird Habits
Their thermostat never rises above 60 degrees, they eat dinner at 5:30 p.m., and the whole gang gathers around the TV whenever there's a M*A*S*H marathon. Whatever you do, don't whine, or you'll look super high-maintenance. Solution: Bring a turtleneck, Powerbars, and an iPod shuffle to weather the storm, and you'll be golden.

Accept Gifts Strategically
No, you can't immediately go on eBay and list the 3-foot-tall, electric-pink Easter bunny his mother gave you because they'll just look for it on their next visit to your place...unless you conveniently tell them that you love the gift so much that you brought it to work (wink, wink).

Throw the Family Pet a Bone
Nobody seems to mind that your man's family dog isn't house-trained and bites. But insult Thor at your own risk! The way to their hearts is through their best friend. So bring along pet toys. You may even avoid getting tooth marks in your leg.

Silence Your Inner Cruise Director
Recommending cutting-edge novels, restaurants, or movies to his parents in the same way you would to your own family can be risky. Sometimes, it's best to be bland, boring, and unopinionated—for once. The more you get 'em talking about their own favorite things, the faster they'll warm up to you.
>>> Got in-law issues?
>>> In-law invasion stories
>>> Handle his mother!

How do I tell my husband I don't like my mother-in-law?

You don’t. You can say something like, “I’m just not as comfortable around your mom as I am with mine.� Emphasize that he probably feels the same way about your parents. Try to get him to understand that there’s just a closeness you feel with your own kin.

But if there’s something your MIL is doing that's consistently hurting your feelings (and possibly on purpose), the situation becomes a lot more delicate. In this case, you need to alert your spouse about what's going on. Keep in mind that the best time to do this is when you can be calm. Say something like, “I don’t want to upset you, but I need you to keep a lookout for how your mom treats me during our next visit. I don’t want to sound crazy here, but I think she might be saying certain things to hurt me.�

It’s possible that he's going to be oblivious at first. He’ll think that there’s no possible way the person who raised him to be such a wonderful person could be so hurtful. Get him to at least open his mind that there might be a competitive factor now that you’re in the picture; some passive-aggressive (or all-out cruel) behavior could be happening, and one of you might need to say something.

Once he’s been alerted to the possibility, create a signal. Tug on your ear the next time she does something rude while you’re all together. Then he can determine how malicious her behavior is -- and stick up for you when needed.

Whatever you do, try not to create a catfight between the two of you. Let your husband see you as the bigger, stronger person and see his mom in a new light. We promise, it’s much sexier this way.