Follow our clever tricks to schmoozing with his clan.

Offer to help in the kitchen. Use "I" language and don't start gossipping if one of them wants to start complaining about another family member. In fact, listen, but then find a way to lighten the mood and change the subject! My mother-in-law thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread just for listening to how unappreciated she felt at one family event.One time, when she was down on herself, I brought flowers to a family event. My brother-in-law called me a brown noser, but the matriarch is all that matters to me!

Why are the inlaws always the enemy? It works out a lot better if you actually CARE about getting along with them.

If you are blessed to have good inlaws, please count yourself as blessed. I never knew that inlaws could actually be bad until I met my husband because all my grandparents love and hang out with one another (they live in the same town). However my DH's mom is a very unhappy person and tries to bring everyone down with her. The sad thing is that she really likes be but everytime she gets in her mood (to which she takes medication for) she actually tries to sabatoge our marriage by telling lies to me or my husband, stirring up the past, etc. Boundaries don't work because we aren't the kind of people to shut a parent out. The best thing you can do is focus on and spend the majority of your time with the people who do love you and like to spend time with you. That's why we spend a lot of time with the DH's dad (his parents are divorced) because the father in law and step mother in law are fabulous!

I am the mother-in-law and i resent the "her or me" attitude of your site. I see my daughter-in-law as a member of my family... someone to get to know and love . I treat her as i would my own daughter, and respect her relationship with her husband! (My son!) As i told her, I do not want to be his wife and you do not want to be his mother! There is pl;enty of room in his life for both of us. We have entirely different roles and hers comes first. He would not be a good husband if it didn't .

anichols@ne.rr.com- It is RARE for there to be a mother-in-law like you. Most of us get stuck with bad ones. I think this site is just trying to make those of us who got the short end of the stick feel better and be armed with whatever can get us through the night :)

I got really lucky. I love my inlaws and they considered me family even before we got married. I couldn't ask for better. All I can say is be genuine and you'll be fine.

Sadly, there are women out there who don't understand the concept of cutting the apron strings. My cousin as well as one of my good friends have MILs who don't realize tehir sons are big boys now and don't need mom calling a dozen times a day. And they have tried to set boundries, and nothing works. I absolutely adore my MIL and FIL, I don't think I could have hand picked a better set of inlaws, his grandmother on the other hand, is another story.

Yes, it's nice when you have good in laws, but when you don't it's wiser to avoid the fights and be as vanilla as possible. If your in laws aren't crazy then you really don't need advice on how to get along with them - treat them as you would anyone else, but with nicer manners.

Note to the Nest writers: Some of us actually have great in-laws with whom we have wonderful relationships. The constant "How to survive your crazy mother-in-law" articles with ridiculous advice like "it's best to be bland, boring and unopinionated" are more bland, boring and cliche than I can tolerate. Get with it.

hee hee hee my in-laws are perfect

I fortunately have wonderful in-laws, but I disagree with a lot of what this article says and I would never do some of these things. You can't pretend to be what your not all of the time or you'll get caught up in your lies. Being courteous in the way you tell them your likes and dislikes and the way you interact is always better than lying and hating your experiences with them. Bringing a dish or bottle of wine to dinner is respectful to anyone, but not telling your new family your scared to death of dogs or always doing what they want to do without ever suggesting a good alternative is just a bad idea. I don't know what I'd do if my MIL didn't put her 4 large dogs outside when I came over (dogs freak me out and I'm allergic) and I'd go crazy if the only thing we ever did when we were over was play board-games (which the whole family can do for hours upon hours).So instead, I respectfully let them know when I first met them that dogs irritated my allergies (the dogs are not inside when I'm over and I wasn't rude in my approach nor did I mention I don't like the dogs), and I play games with them from time to time, but I also bring over other things to do and suggest doing them right away before games are brought up (one time I even found fuzzy posters on sale, we had tons of fun coloring them in, drinking wine and talking). My MIL keeps her house freezing in the winter, so whenever possible, we invite them to our house instead where it's toasty warm. When that's not possible, I simply ask my MIL to "help" me bake some recipe "I'm not sure of". The oven warms up the kitchen, which is where I hang out, and she feels good showing me how to cook for her son. I also try to invite my MIL and SIL along when I go out shopping with my mom. But one thing I never do is lie. It's not right

The article isn't meant to make you be someone you're not - its meant to help you know how to deal with new people you might not like. You can have your own personality, just don't come on too strong. You don't have to be uber helpful or bring flowers all the time, but it might be nice to pitch in now and then with dishes.

Ummm...WHO did you marry again? Whoa...I agree with some of this and nearly spewed iced tea all over the monitor at others. I mean c'mon people...it's pack mentality pure and simple. There are his parents/family and then there are yours and to a degree he will forever belong to his side and you yours. With some relationships there's no shaking that familial sense of "ownership" (if you will) no matter how many 9 x 13's of "Please God Let Them Like Me Now" casserole you take to the dinners...you or your other half will always be seen as an interloper and all that should have been something to work through before the wedding, dontcha think? Being fake or acting in a certain way with them then acting another when you're not with them is CRAP!!!! To thine own self be true...if a person can't do that then what hope is there for any interpersonal relationships with others...including your other half... I swear...the more I read about useless studies and the more I realize that this is becoming a selfish, plastic society...the more I love my dog...

Actually, you are never to bring a dish to a dinner party they are hosting unless they ask you or you ask them and they say yes, bring something. It's an insult to them and if you bring a dish everyone raves about over the hostess dishes, you show her up. Big no-no. Instead, bring a nice bottle of wine or sparkling water to add to the evening.

Sure blending into the background may make it easy... But NOT enjoyable. My father-in-law did NOT like me he thought I was not good enough for his son, so I tried and tried and tried to be what he thought I should be whenever he was around, but finally I realized if the man is going to hate me he can at least hate the real me so I decided to just be myself, now we actually get along fine.

It's a balance. Share in what they like, but express your interests as well. It's rude to try and change a party you're invited to, so if the in-laws keep planning boring events, be a gracious guest, but then plan your own party/event with your husband and show them your style!

I was the greatest thing since sliced bread just for listening to how unappreciated she felt at one family event.One time, when she was down on herself, I brought flowers to a family event.Evening Gowns prom dresses 2011 short prom dresses

I love my husband's parents! I just wish his sisters were more friendly.

My in-laws are incredibly judgemental. He comes from a big family and they have all criticizing each other to me multiple times over the course of a 10 year period. This has been very upsetting to me, because I think about what they say behind my back too. I have tried being nice like bringing dishes to pass and offered to do things, but this has all been met with thoughts that I am trying to outdo them. So I agree that sometimes being bland and boring is better than exposing yourself for criticizm and them thinking your a sob, like me. But you have to make sure your true to yourself too, so don't act like someone your not; just keep your thoughts to yourself.