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Relationships > family & in-laws

Weekend Survival Kit: Hosting the In-Laws

Can't handle them for 48 hours? Oh yes you can (really).

Read on, and we’ll show you how to survive the next 48 hours unscathed -- or at least how to escape with only minor injuries.

Friday Night

Whether they arrive by plane, train, or automobile, have refreshments ready. Find out which drinks your father-in-law enjoys and them on hand. Does your mother-in-law have a thing for French cheeses? Put a couple of her favorite varieties on a platter with fruit and crackers. Ask about their trip and keep their mouths full to limit the complaining.

Saturday Morning

Offer an array of bagels or hot or cold cereal. Or suck up to your mother-in-law by asking her to help out. Tell her you were thinking of making pancakes and see if she wants to show you the secret to her famous boysenberry recipe. You kiss-ass, you.

Saturday Afternoon

Hop in the car with your spouse and gang, and take a scenic tour of the town so the in-laws feel as though they’re getting an exclusive peek into your lives. Even if you don’t think it’s terribly exciting, they will. Follow it up with a trip to the park or an art gallery or catch a movie. It's the perfect convo topic if you're stalled for stuff to say.

Saturday Night

So your in-laws may not be the most exciting Saturday night duo, but try hard anyway. If they're prying too much ("When are we gonna have grandkids?") turn the spotlight on them: How'd they meet? Your mother-in-law may brag about her son incessantly, but has she shared all those funny moments from his childhood?

Sunday Morning

Invite friends over to join the group (trust us, you'll need reinforcements). Keep things casual with a buffet-style spread of breads, muffins, and fruit. When it's time for them to head out, say how wonderful it was to spend time with them (even if you're lying). Oh, and hold in that sigh of relief until they’re completely out the door.

Get more entertaining tips from the experts at The Nest

More in-law issues? Click here to find out how to solve them.

-- The Nest Editors

Nov 27, 2009

See More: Couple Issues , Entertaining , Family & In-Laws , Food & Recipes , Holiday

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just be yourself and relax. You can't always please everyone, especially your in-laws. It is a good idea to invite other family members or friends, because that way you''ll be less nervous. If you are having dinner with your in-laws,you can play some nice or fun music. You could show your wedding album or even watch a video. Drinks are also important. Overall, just do what you can do and do not panic.

by mariedavid27 on Nov 11, 2009

I know a lot of people have in-laws that are hard to love, who complain, pry, and make themselves very disagreeable, but I frankly think it's disgusting to assume that EVERYONE'S in-laws are like that, and to talk about in-laws in general as if they were bratty children. Trust me, I have my own in-law problems, but I respect them because they are good people and older than I, and I love them because they are my husband's family, and I love him more than anyone. It's not like they live with you every day; you can actually enjoy being with them once in a while.

by mollysue84 on Nov 12, 2009

our inlaws aren'r traveling from very far but I still wish we had a guestrooom for them to stay in. since we don't have a guestroom I think it only appropriate to give them our bed and us take the couch or a blow up bed, my husband says "nobody sleeps in my bed, not even our parents." When I was growing up my parents always gave up their room when their parents came to visit. Any advice? We are at a stale mate on this one.

by clr_1223 on Nov 12, 2009

clr 1223, If I were you I wouldn't give up my bed either. I understand the need to make them feel comfortable but don't sacrifice your bed with your husband just to make them feel better. Put them in a blow up bed, tell them it's all you have, and you won't be lying.

by JCSpartan509 on Nov 19, 2009

I think there are some great ideas in this article, but I was totally put off by the negative tone in which it was written. Nest editors, maybe you can put a positve spin on getting to know and spend time with the new 'rents?

by iamZbride on Nov 28, 2009

I think some of the people commenting on this article are taking it a little too seriously. Everyone is familiar with the "dreadful inlaws" sterotypes and the Nest is just playing it up. People (such as myself) identify with these exaggerated situations... it's what makes an article interesting. Get past the "OMG-they are so mean!" and take away what they're really trying to tell us --- with proper planning, anyone's company can be enjoyable.

by spryde1107 on Dec 23, 2009

I totally agree with mollysue84. The attitude this article assumes towards family (even in-laws) is awful and completely inappropriate. Of course having the in-laws over is tense, especially the first few times, but promoting this "these horrible people are invading my life" attitude as normal is wrong. The advice itself wasn't all that bad, but I really didn't appreciate the way it was presented.

by sncasto87 on Dec 23, 2009

For clr 1223: We are fortunate enough to have a guest, but I can understand how you would feel. I'm not sure if this helps, but one time when we went to stay with my mother-in-law when her husband wasn't there she kept insisting we take her bed because it was more comfortable. It was really awkward. We didn't end up taking the bed, but now my husband doesn't really want to stay with his mom anymore because she was so pushy when she was really just trying to be nice. My advice is to offer it and they will probably decline, but may think it was thoughtful of you to offer. Just don't insist.

by IUChelle423 on Dec 23, 2009

I totally agree with Molly Sue. While we all had different ways of doing things and sometimes families mix like oil and water, my opinion is that those annoyances are simply the differences between how you grew up and how your spouse did. I personally love my in-laws for how they took me in as one of their even when my husband and I were just dating. Ofcourse there are little things here and there they get to me, but in the end, they are my family now and just as we accept our parents for who they are, we do the same for our in-laws. Society has portrayed the in-law scene in a negative light and while there are those cases, for the most part, in-laws get along pretty darn well!

by angelagulino on Dec 23, 2009

If you get along with your in laws, your in laws are nice, welcoming people, or your in laws are just slightly quirky but tolerable, why would you need advice on how to deal with them? This article is obviously not for you - it's for those of us who have MILFs - Mother In Laws From Hell - the H is silent. And yes, I spent five years of my life trying everything I could to make those people like me for who I am. It doesn't matter. So now I stay as neutral as possible and don't let them know they are getting to me. If they cross a major line, we leave. If we left every time a line was crossed we'd never see them, so DH just takes a few minutes after we leave to hug me and thank me for putting up with how evil they've been to me in order for him to be able to see his nieces and his dog.

by Towelgrl on Dec 23, 2009

I feel that you're very poorly representing a very large group of people here. I look forward to seeing my in-laws over the holidays. (I find our get-togethers less stressful than the ones with my own family.) My mother and aunts-in-law make me feel loved, happy, and like I'm in the company of good friends: because that's what they are to me. The "kit" you're presenting to us comes out of out-dated mores about family relations that need to be rebelled against, not confirmed!

by mwarkentin on Dec 23, 2009

well, i think having ur in laws or parents over for the weekend isn't that bad. u can plan out something for them or yes watch a movie or cook something for them to make them comfortable. but whats the solution or tips when ur living with the in laws? im having a hard time and don't know how to cope up. my husband wants me to behave like a dotter in law to them. while i too uncomfy with all that acting im supposed to do the whole time im at home. any tips?

by cindydsilva on Dec 24, 2009

cir 1223, I agree with JCSpartan509. My parents learned long ago to stay in a hotel - they have their space, and we have ours. We don't have a guest room either. So, if your in-laws INSIST on staying with you, even though you don't have a guest room for them, they get whatever you have to offer: a blow-up bed!

by amyzzon on Dec 29, 2009

The truth is you can try and try to please your in-laws. I once had my mother in law over for breakfast with my husband and I. I knew she liked tea so I bought 20 different kinds and she stuck her nose up in the air and said she should have brought her own. The Belgian Waffles with fresh berries, scrambled eggs and bacon were also not up to par!! Just be yourself and don't go too far out of your way or try too hard, it will just stress you out!

by ketchumwedding on Apr 05, 2010

My husband and I got into a huge fight after we had bought a king size bed and he automatically offered it to his parents... mind you, we have a guest bedroom as well that holds a queen, but as he said, "they are more comfortable in a king and aren't as likely to stay with us if they have to sleep in the queen." I'm sorry, our accommodations aren't good enough for them, that i have to give up my bed?? Plus his dad sleeps in the buff... how is this acceptable? I stayed somewhere else that night and they haven't slept in our bed since, and now hold a grudge. Am I in the wrong?

by elayser on Apr 05, 2010

elayser, you're totally right to be mad at your husband for giving up your bed. Even more so because your guest accommodations seemingly didn't meet his parent's (incredibly high and snooty) standards. However, the in-laws may hold a grudge not because you ddin't want them in your bed, but because of the way you handled the situation. However snooty these in-laws may be, this argument should have stayed between you and your husband. It isn't like they demanded to stay in your new bed. You and your husband simply had clashing expectations of what would happen when his parents visited. Fight it out (hopefully out of ear-shot), make sure the next visit they stay in your comfy guest room, and done!

by nthngbtblueskies on May 22, 2010

Always stock up on a variety of snacks and drinks before guests arrive including the in-laws.

by beu4me06 on May 24, 2010

ha...give me some ideas for in-laws staying 6 days at our house.... AHHHHH

by chance13 on May 24, 2010

my in-laws live 3 hours away and they want to drive down here too often! we are newlyweds and our house is small. We do have another bed, but I don't like how they just get here, somethimes without telling us they're coming! It is very hard to pretend like you're glad they are there! haha...

by LalysMM on May 24, 2010

People...relax! Many of you may be lucky enough to have in-laws that don't give you a bit of grief, but believe me, that is not the case for all of us. I'm sure your in-laws don't insist on staying with you in your 1BR NYC apartment for months at a time...

by edub1434 on Jun 23, 2010

clr_1223, these are kind of pricey, but have you looked into installing a murphy bed? They make some amazing ones that look like/are actually cabinets, so it might help with the space issue.

by mkjpop on Aug 24, 2010

We are really excited to have our in-laws stay with us for Christmas. However, they insist on bringing their indoor dog to our pet-free home. How can I kindly explain they are welcome, but their dog isn't?

by galisa79 on Sep 13, 2010

I am working on a new TV show aiming to help resolve IN-LAW issues. From who gets to cook the turkey to how to raise the kids. Live by your rules one day their rules the next and use our expert to help decipher it all. Expert help and compensation. Anyone interested??

by Dmwilkinson on Oct 19, 2010

Because we’re not ogling Dora dolls and baby cell phones like the other parents. Let us finish our cake and slip out the door. Hey, we brought a good gift too; cut us some slack!Wedding Gowns prom gowns Bridal Gowns

by addtt on May 20, 2011

cooking with in-laws is asking for problems. they'll know how to do it better. they always do

by priskalovesjeroen on Aug 06, 2011