I think this article was helpful--however what do you do when the wife's parents are divorced and the husband's parents live in another state? This often adds more complications to things! Any advice?

My husband is in the military so we're spending the holidays with his family while we are geographically close to them and we'll spend the holidays with my family when our geography puts us closer to them. I also have a large family so if a few of us aren't there for a holiday it's not that noticeable.

My husband's family is a different religion than my family, but all of our time off comes around Christmas and Thanksgiving. We're out of state, so we miss seeing our families a lot. We try to divide up the time as equally as possible, but it seems like one side has a bigger problem than the other. It feels like dh and I are always the ones who have to give. By the end of each holiday, we're both exhausted and cranky from all of the driving. We definitely need a new system!

We are in a tight spot since my husband's father passed away in 2008. We include my mother in law in everything with my family, but his sisters won't come unless it is at the MIL's house (and apparently on a Sunday during the Packers game). My family invites them, but they just don't come and then my MIL has to go to all kinds of trouble (alone) to host everyone. Then we have to go to my biological father's on top of all that, but they are usually SO flexible and understanding, so that's easier. This year, my mom has called dibs on Christmas day at 1:00, MIL at 10:00 (!!!), and we haven't figured out the rest yet. If it wasn't crazy, it wouldn't be Christmas I guess. At least the sisters in law agreed to draw names this year (with protest)!! HELP?

My entire extended family gets together for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Holidays at his place are only his immediate family. It's a 3-6 hour drive depending on which family we visit, so we explained we'd have to split our time before we even got married. At first they were disappointed that they wouldn't be seeing us as often on holidays, but they're not illogical people and expected this so they quickly adopted a more positive view: My family was excited they got our first holiday as newlyweds, and his family is excited they will get our first Christmas. Next year it'll flip. Easter will be like a bonus, where we get to choose where we're going (or if we're staying at home) depending on events, but Easter doesn't seem to have as big an impact with our families as the other two.

We have to see both families for Christmas because they live 10 minutes apart! It is so stressful, I wish we could do it another way especially since my husband's family consists of 8 people! Only one of his sisters is married therefore it is hard to change traditions on them without someone freaking out on us! Plus my husband wants to see both families open all the presents, then I feel like I am dictating Christmas for everyone by telling them what time we can see them. One family gets up super early and the other had to wait around for us. This year, we are just going to have to go with the flow. You don't want to be on a strict timeline on Christmas day..... help!

Our parents live 15 minutes from each other in the houses we both grew up in. This makes it easy for us to do both families on each holiday, every year. Hubby thinks this is fine and that this is how it will always be but I don't know that when we have kids that I want to constantly be carting them everywhere. It's especially hard on Thanksgiving because not only do we eat two meals (yes..TWO!) but we've fallen into a pattern of who gets to have it in the afternoon and who at night. I don't want to sound like the terrible wife but I just wish we could do one or the other and actually have a holiday instead of busy bustle we always have. Is that mean?

Last year my husband & I did 5 Christmases between Christmas eve & Christmas day...it was insane & all I did was watch the clock so we could be on time for the next place (yep, 2 weren't near our home either- 1 was 1hr away, 1 was 2.5 hrs away). This year we're hoping the further away one gets moved to the 26th or we just aren't going to be able to go. My mom will be devastated- it's her side/mom. But I loved EastCoastBride's way of breaking the news- I will definitely recognize that she'll be upset, but also point out that we'll get to spend more quality time at my parents home since we will have 1 less place to be that day. Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it!

Luckily both our families live relatively close to us! Right now we both have siblings that live far away and don't get here often, so whenever they are home, we make an effort to be there. That's how holidays were determined this year. Otherwise we alternate Thanksgiving and Easter every year and Christmas is split between families (never on Christmas day though-- I refuse to split the day between families. It's usually sometime in December that we choose to celebrate with one side or the other).

My husband and I decided what was most important for us. Then divided the rest of the time among our families. Both sides of the family live in town so we are lucky but we still have to put our foot down to prevent driving all over town. We alternate Thanksgivings and for Christmas, since we are all in town, we attend Christmas Eve church together and have everyone over to our house. Christmas morning is either spent with my family or us alone, we spend lunchtime with his family and then Christmas night either alone or with my family. Thankfully, we also have siblings in town so no one's house is ever empty so we are never "abandoning" our parents. It is a priority for us to have our own family time with just ourselves and for us to wake up on Christmas morning at our own home. We are much less lenient on years when the holiday lands in the middle of the week and we have to work the next day. It is our holiday too and since we all live so close we try to stress that it is important to spend good quality time together, not necessarily the 24 hours that is December 25.

We are newlyweds and have decided that this year we will do the dad's for Thanksgiving and mom's for Christmas. Now we cant make it to everyone's home on the same days so for TG we do the day of and day after. Then since our moms get along so well we will have both of them over for Christmas. Next year...Mom's for Thankgiving and Dad's for Christmas. Funny/thankfully the moms get along and the dads get along.

My mother is very understanding about it all, and says to do whatever we need to to keep the peace. My mother in law, on the other hand, cried her eyes out when she found out we wouldn't be coming up for both holidays. Its very frustrating, because my family all gets together on Christmas day and all of the relatives come down. His family isn't even doing gifts this year and they don't go anywhere or do anything for Christmas day! She made a huge deal that we went to my family's last year for Christmas day, even though we then drove 9 hours to meet them and their relatives up north, and stayed with them a whole week! My family just got Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but apparently thats all that mattered! We finally decided to do Thanksgiving with his family (they do alot more, go see every relative ever) and come down the weekend before Christmas. My family gets Christmas day. Everyone is almost happy. His family is 7 hours East, mine is 5 hours West. (we met in the middle in college and stayed here) I can't wait until we have kids and have an excuse not to be traveling 34-38 hours every Nov-Dec!! (one trip for Thanksgiving, two for Christmas)

If there r kids involved, it needs to be about them 1st and foremost. Carting them around from place to place all day is not cool. Trust me--recently married, my husband and I have been doing it for years now. He has a 9 yr old son, and gets a few hours during each holiday with him (christmas we alternate an overnight on christmas eve into christmas day). My husband's parents r divorced. SO we have 3 sets of parents to see in a 4 hour time frame. Doesn't work well. We decided that we will be doing holidays at our place next year. and christmas is going to be at home as well. Holidays are about being home with your family. Not being stuck in a car rushing to try to please everyone else. DO what is best for YOU! Talk to your kids, ask what they would like to do. If someone outside of your immediate family, or a parent even, give you a hard time, apologize, but explain that there needs to be a balance. If everyone wants to see you and your kids, why not have everyone come to you? Much easier than trying to go to all of them.

So far it has been simple for us. We do Thanksgiving with both families since they are only about 15 minutes apart and for Christmas we alternate who we are with on Christmas day and see the other Christmas eve. It's about to get more complicated though because his parents are moving out of state!

The choice was easy for us but hard for my mother in-law to except. My family really only celebrates Thanksgiving and there is a huge get together/family reunion every year. So we split it up Thanksgiving for my side and Xmas for his. The tricky part is my parents are divorced and live in different states so we have to be even more carful on how we do things (my dad usually get Easter and we do things like BBQs and local events). We have to make sure my husbands family doesn't feel that my family gets more of us each year. We always make sure to call everyone we wont be spending the holiday with to wish them well. And spending time with them more often not on holidays also helps to relieve the "we don't get you for the holidays" feelings. One thing we made clear from the get go was that we would not spend our entire holiday in the car driving from one family to the other to make everyone happy, it gets stressful on both of you and you end up spend so much money on gas in already hard times!

I am an only child and my husband is one of 4, so by default, we start at my parents for all holidays and then head over to his for dessert / late night. Luckily the drive is manageable (minus bad weather.

My parents are divorced and his are still married. We decided we would rotate every year. For example, our first Christmas we visited my mother. The next, we'll visit my father. The next, we'll visit his parents. Same with Thanksgiving/Easter/etc.

We have a hard time because my family understands trying to see everyone but his mom thinks her family is all important and we have to have every holiday with them. This is not fair to my family and I hate have two of every holiday especially if I am hosting.

see we go to both houses on each holiday; 1 for dinner and the other for dessert and then we flop it for the next holiday to be truthful it really stinks to have to run around on a holiday because instead of enjoying the day you are too busy eyeing the clock so you can spend a fair amount of time at each house. stressful! i am kind of hoping for a blizzard on chistmas so the both of us and just stay home together!

Grace2488, we do the Christmas Eve/Day switch too. It is a lot, but we usually spend Easter at home, so we are geared up for the driving I guess when it happens only once a year! Eventually you could choose to have Christmas at home, if that would help.

Ugh, this is such a touchy subject. The one family at Thanksgiving and one family at Christmas things works okay. (His family is divided into two far-away states, though, and we never have enough vacation days to do both in the same trip - it's still not ideal.) It took almost sliding off the road in an ice storm to make me snap and swear that I would *never* spend five hours ON the holiday driving between our family's again. That was awful, and we did it for several years! I can already hear the griping if we want to spend a holiday at home if we have kids. I don't know what we're going to do then - both mothers have expressed that the current plan will not be acceptable to them then.

My parents are divorced and my in-laws live 3 minutes away. (Literally. 3. Minutes. Since I like them, this is not a bad thing.) We've been inviting my dad down to our place to have a dinner/get-together with him and my siblings for the past 3 years. On Christmas Day, we try to drive up to see my mom's family, because that's where my mom & her husband will be. So far, this works for us. However, it's going to get complicated once our baby arrives in March!!!

Christmas is the most difficult for us. My MIL's birthday is Christmas, so like most Christmas babies, she doesn't like her birthday being a part of Christmas. So, my husband's family tradition has been they celebrate her birthday on Christmas Eve and Christmas on Christmas; but my family's big Christmas celebration has always been Christmas Eve (and the only time of year we ALL get together in one place)...it's been a struggle trying to do both every year, but after 5 years of being together, my MIL finally suggested we celebrate her birthday at the same time as my FIL's (which is the 18th). It was nice that she suggested the change, it took a lot of pressure off of us.

Every year we have a tough decision as to what order we will see our families. My parents are divorced and live about 45 minutes from each other so it gets a bit difficult. Every other year my husband's sisters come in to town so that is a big time for his family. His mom wants us to spend more time with them on those years since everyone is in town. So on Xmas day we spend about 4 hours with each family. Driving from one town to the other. Its makes for a long day!!! I would love it one year everyone would come to our house so we dont have to drive every where.

Instead of trying to see everyone and do it all, my husband and I are spending our first Christmas by ourselves. What we do for our first year of marriage will set the tone for the years to come. As much as we love our families, we want to build our own identity as OUR family, so together we are forming our own traditions and taking the time to just be with each other on our first Christmas as husband and wife. We will of course travel to see our families (who live 5 hours away) and probably spend New Year's with them and celebrate Christmas with them then, but instead of trying to do things like our separate families have always done them, we're going to make traditions of our own.

This will be my husband's & mine's 3rd Christmas married. The first yr we lived about an hr from both parents' houses, so going home wasn't as big of a deal--he has 2 siblings that were only 9 & 11 at the time, so we opted to keep their Christmas morning traditions b/c they were so young. My family opened gifts on Christmas Eve anyway, the only thing I had to miss was Christmas morning breakfast that had been a family event for as long as I rembemer, but my fam is pretty go-w/-the flow, so they were happy to replace it with a Christmas Eve dinner. Our 2nd Christmas was a bit more stressful, b/c my hubby joined the Army & we were living in OK--a 10hr trip from home by car. So I realized that when we missed "home" he was missing his family & I was missing mine, not vice-versa. So, while we kept Christmas pretty much the same as the yr b4, we decided that it was ridiculous for us to think we had to be together all the time!! So, many days he went to spend time w/ his folks & I stayed at home with mine (they live 45 mins apart). That way we weren't sitting at each other's folks miserable, cuz we were missing time w/ ours!! We were still conscious that we needed to spend time with our in-laws & we did that too.

My husband and I are huge SEC college football fans. He is an Alabama fan and I am an Auburn fan (yep one of THOSE households). It just so happens that my parents live in Auburn and had Iron bowl tickets this year- therefore we spent Thanksgiving at their house. My husband is a doctor and is on call Christmas Eve- therefore we are spending Christmas at our own home, but both of our families are traveling to see us. Somehow or another everything worked itself out. This is our first year being married so we will have to see how next year turns out. Since the Iron bowl is not in Auburn next year, maybe we can go to his parents for Thanksgiving. That will also depend on his work schedule. All of the other holidays of the year are a toss up!!!

I bought a big house and told everyone if they want to see us for the holidays they can come to us. Sounds grinchy but it cuts our holiday stress!

Both sets of our parents are divorced. We each have a parent who lives out of state, as well as each of us has one parent here. So we just visit one on Christmas Eve, one on Christmas. Two parents are always left out - but we spend it with them the next year. You can even celebrate Christmas the week before with one set of parents - it is what you make of it. Someone is always mad, but you have to do what is best for you and your husband. You will never please everyone. They'll get over it - they have to - it's your choice!

My husband and I alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas. For example, this Thanksgiving was with his family, and Christmas will be with mine. Next year it will be the opposite. Our families live in different cities so being with both families every holiday is impossible. We discussed our options and started doing it two years before we got married so that it would just be normal for everyone. We hope that we will be able to continue it when we have children and that everyone will continue to be understanding.

My family hosts for Christmas Eve, so that makes Christmas day pretty easy.

We try to spend important holidays with both sets of family if we can. My husband and I usually work most holidays and since his family lives close, we try to go to Thanksgiving and such with them. Christmas is a hard one since I'm an only child. We decided to split the holiday up into Christmas Eve with my family at my Aunt's house which is only about 3 hours away. Then we get up really early on Christmas Day and drive to his family's celebration. It works well since my family does everything on Christmas Eve and his family does everything on Christmas Day. If my Aunt ever moves, we'll have to figure something else out, but for now it works.

MUDSON-- I was a grandchild in the family you describe. Christmas Eve was with mom's mom. Christmas morning was for immediate family. Christmas afternoon was for a loooong phone call to dad's parents and Christmas night was for mom's dad. When us kids were older and had our own activities, the gp's got moved to the closest Sunday.

My husband and I got married two months ago, so this is our first set of holidays together. We chose to handle this in the following manner: We will be doing "everything" this year, from Thanksgiving with both sides (on practically opposite sides of the state) and all the family Christmas celebrations. With work parties and family trips, this brings us up to a count of about five Christmas gatherings- maybe more. I was not overly thrilled about this, but the stipulation he made very clear to the families was that we are only doing this once. After this, people are simply going to have to adjust. I know this won't work for most couples- it's been stressful for us- but I feel my husband has done well in leading us through this. My best input is be sensitive to the rest of the family but come up with a plan that you are both willing to execute to the best of your abilities. Support each other faithfully in your choices, and remember, it's only a few short weeks!

With both my ex and my current DH, we have it easy... on average, we are not close enough to spend any holidays with either family, so we do it on our own. Honestly, I think a married couple should try doing a few holidays as their own, instead of trying to please the families. When my husband and I DO want to travel, we have another game plan... hey, mom, are you gonna give us the guest room? Oh, right, you don't have one, but my MIL does so I can stay there without spending an extra $300 for a hotel room!

We live very close to my in-laws but about 6hrs from my family but have decided to alternate Christmas holidays. Last year we drove out-of-province to be with my family and this year we are hosting Christmas for his family at our house. It would not be fair to always spend Christmas with one family or the other and it is not possible to share the holiday due to distance. The other holidays throughout the year get split however our work schedules will allow-both mothers have birthdays around Thanksgiving so that is always a little difficult.

My parents are divorced and his are not, so we began to alternate Thanksgiving between my dad's family and his. Last year we went to his family's Thanksgiving and this year we went to mine and we will go to his again next year. Then the Friday (day after Thanksgiving) we go and have my mom's since she lives 3 hours away. For Christmas, we told our families that we will begin our own tradition and stay home to celebrate Christmas as a family, as this is what my sisters also do with their families. This has worked very well because it allows us to figure out a time that works with everyone on a weekend to have our family's Christmas.

My future husband's family got split up through a messy divorce. They instituted "Thanxmas" with one side of the family so that they have a nice meal and day together, maybe with a few gifts, on a day in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's a nice compromise so that time can be spent with each family.

My fiance & I just got our own place about 150 miles away from our families. It's only a two hour drive, but Christmas will make it a 4. Our son is the youngest in the family (he's three) so I put my foot down and told everyone I was unwilling to drive when I know he will be miserable (he's a kid, the holiday is for him). I told everybody from our families that I will be making plenty of food so whoever wants to come can come. Surprisingly this worked out well. I stepped back & everyone started planning from there. I love cooking so I can't wait to see how this turns out-and we get to celebrate with both sides together. Isn't that the point? To be one BIG happy family?

The FB & I have been splitting holidays for two years already (since we were engaged). When we moved in together this year I put my foot down and told everyone that we are having out OWN time in our home on the morning of christmas. My family is very cool with it and it trying to understand they may not see us always- even though it does hurt my grandmother whom we are very close to. We have made it up (or try to) by inviting her over to help with the tree, and have snacks! In the end though- even though we are going to see my FH grandparents on one side xmas eve, his parents that day to open gifts with just them, and are doing his other grandparents side on christmas... my FM-I-L still decided to cry on the phone and try and make my FH feel bad. My family is happy with 4-5 hours of my time and she gets 12 and is still mad @ me... My advice to everyone is to do your best and be fair..but in the end make sure *YOU* enjoy your holiday too.

Between me and my honey, we've got four sets of parents. Our step siblings often have just as many sets. When grandparents get thrown into the mix, it becomes impossible to accomodate everyone without a rip in the space/time continuum. Our solution? Everyone can come to our house on Christmas day and Thanksgiving. We're going to the giant family get-together at easter on my step grandfather's side. If they don't like it, they can arrange to visit with us on a non-holiday weekend.

We just recently bought property 45 minutes away in a heavy hit snow area. We have told our families that as soon as our house is built, they are free to visit us, as we will not be driving to 3+ houses (his parents and my mom and dad - they are divorced) almost an hours drive away. They aren't happy, but my husband and I have to make ourselves happy first

My husband is an only child of an only child, so his family is really small. My mom was one of 7 kids, so you can imagine my family is huge. Both of our moms had the tradition of celebrating on Christmas Day (Christmas Eve is divided between my dad's side of the family and our friends). So my mom invited his family to share Christmas Day with us! His mom, stepfather and grandmother go over to my mom's house and we all celebrate together!

My husband is an only child of an only child, so his family is really small. My mom was one of 7 kids, so you can imagine my family is huge. Both of our moms had the tradition of celebrating on Christmas Day (Christmas Eve is divided between my dad's side of the family and our friends). So my mom invited his family to share Christmas Day with us! His mom, stepfather and grandmother go over to my mom's house and we all celebrate together!

My husband is an only child of an only child, so his family is really small. My mom was one of 7 kids, so you can imagine my family is huge. Both of our moms had the tradition of celebrating on Christmas Day (Christmas Eve is divided between my dad's side of the family and our friends). So my mom invited his family to share Christmas Day with us! His mom, stepfather and grandmother go over to my mom's house and we all celebrate together!

Both of our families do a huge Christmas Eve party, so that was hard. It used to be a huge battle trying to make it to both parties - our first year together we were sitting down to dinner at my grandmother's house and my MIL kept calling us during our dinner "when are you going to get here!?" It was so rude and annoying. It took us a few years to work it out, but what we do now is spend Christmas Eve with one family, and Christmas day with the other, and alternate years. That way it's as fair as possible to everyone. You can never make everyone else happy, so you really have to try to do what makes yourself and your spouse happy. We also started a new tradition - we go to midnight mass Christmas Eve night just the two of us. It's very special to me because it's the only time during the holidays when we can do something together without the hoopla of the rest of the family.

What we decided to do is that the actual holiday day is for us. Meaning that Christmas Day we will be staying home and having our dinner, but we had said if somebody wishes to stop in that is ok. We make plans for any of the days around the holiday to go visit family (mainly his side my parents live 3 hours away) Thanksgiving is our day, my husband knows I like to cook and be at home and so does he, we do welcome anybody who wants to come for dinner though. Those are the only holiday's we consider anything for, they are the main ones in our family. Even though other people think there are others.

for holidays, such as christmas we go to both families. my husband's dad's side of the family usually has a brunch and we stay there to open presents. around 2ish, we go to my dad's side (my parents are divorced and my mom lives in florida). then we go to my husbands's mom's side where everyone meets up and we open presents around 8. his mom's mom is flexible with the day of, because everyone else go to other places.

You should also look at the weight each family puts on the holiday. My family has lots of traditions and finds it very important to get everyone together as often as possible - especially at the holidays. His family doesn't really celebrate very much and it's usually only the immediate family. We end up spending alternating Thanksgivings with our familys and Christmas Eve with his. Then my family gets us for all of Christmas day and the day after. So far it's working great!

My family lives 30 minutes east of us, and his family lives 30 minutes west. We do both families every holiday...but that hour drive in the middle sucks and the day is exhausting. I also have a huge extended family, so Christmas was a 4-day marathon. I need to go back to work to recover.