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What To Do If Your Partner Is Unsure About Trying to Conceive

The decision to have a baby is one of the most important and life-changing ones you can make. It should be made only after a great deal of thought and consideration, because becoming a parent will force you to be responsible for another human being. Though filled with intense joy, parenting can also be extremely challenging, and it's helpful to go into it with the right mindset. If your husband is having second thoughts, try to examine them instead of push against them.

Ask your husband what his fears are, and what he believes will change and what will stay the same. It's helpful to establish expectations that are in line with reality. There are many reasons that both genders worry about becoming a parent, whether related to fears about the future or memories of the past. Some men are afraid that a child will take their wife away from them. No matter what your own husband is worried about, make sure he has the opportunity to express his feelings.

I'd also recommend examining your own concerns about waiting and expressing them to your husband -- this will help him understand your point of view. Though you may not agree, it will be very helpful for you both to feel respected and head. I suggest that the two of you keep talking openly about the situation and work together to come up with a plan that's acceptable to both of you.”

>> See The Bump's fertility chart
>> Get more pregnancy advice

-- Tammy Gold

Nov 18, 2008

See More: Couple Issues , Getting Pregnant , Love & Sex

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My situation is totally opposite! i'm feeling pressured my the inlaws to have children. and my hubby wants to start next year. i want kids, but i dont think im ready yet. any advice??

by nmmi08 on Nov 01, 2010

heyy u kno something? u can never be ready enough...its all about timing hun, if you think that you can support yourself and baby..go fot it..things never go according to plan anyway...don't do it becuz of ur inlaw..honestly, thats ur business becuz they aren't going to be there 100% of the time to take care of your baby, you are. If you are ready to hear "Mom, I love you" then go for it...i'm trying right now for one...couldn't be more blessed..

by vinik1234 on Nov 01, 2010

Birth control has been a blessing and a curse! I have "total" control over when we start to conceive, and it feels like a lot of responsibility. Especially when my husband is ready one day (usually after friends and family with small children have been around) and then totally freaked out the next. Both of our parents are ready for us to have kids, and since I'm older than him I'm also anxious to get started, but also a little terrified. I think being on the fence is a good sign that you aren't ready to jump in.

by amandajean8514 on Dec 20, 2010

amandajean8514, i agree with you but am in the opposite boat age wise. I am 24 and my husband is 5 years older, we've been together for 5 years and married for 1.5yrs we agreed we'd concider having kids after 3-5 years of marraige because we both want children but the past few months after my husband turned 29 he has baby fever & cant wait for me to get off my birthcontrol whereas a year ago the thought of having 'an accident' terrified him... all of our close friends have kids except for 2 couples & i'm just wondering if its the almost 30 thing that sparked this interest. I feel i'm not ready yet because I know there are things we want to do still before bringing a new life to this world.

by livigrl87 on May 18, 2011

So, I'm confused.... My hubby and I have been married for 9 days now, for the last year he has been so exceited about having a baby, but together we decieded to try once we were married. Now he's gotten all weird and saying that he thinks that we should wait...what do you think is going on? He says that he wants to wait til my cousins wedding in a few months as I have to wear a bridesmaid dress...but that sounds off...

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by alton100 on Jul 13, 2011

I'm 30 and my hubby's 29. He doesn't really want children, but I do. We had the "baby talk" again recently and he said he doesn't want to be selfish. He's not excited about having kids still. The whole conversation just has me bummed. I don't want to pressure him, but my bio clock is ticking like crazy. Well, a brightish side in the convo he said if we are gonna have kids we need to make a plan because we're not getting any younger. *sigh* How do I keep from going baby crazy?

by AlliAngel24 on Jul 31, 2011

I do not think there should be a long drawn out deliberation about having another baby, We have a 1 and a 2 yrs old. And previously decided that is where we would stop.Never got snipped due to needing a cone biopsy done. And now i caught the bug, and like with every big decision we talk about whenever we get a down moment, and now we are 100% we wanna take the plunge again..I think the less stressful the convo is the more each person can listen and be heard..I know if we had decided not to there would have been no hard feelings...But vinik1234 is right i would have laughed at anyone who told me that i would have two toddlers and wanted another round of sleepless nights lol

by MrsHA on Oct 30, 2011