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Planning for Baby

Before baby makes 3, make sure you've counted to 12.

Most couples don't just wake up one day and think, "Let's start a family now!" As much as some might wish their partners were that impulsive and enthusiastic, it's better to put some thought into this baby thing. Here's your to-do list.

Talk
Make sure you're reasonably settled, financially stable, getting along well (a kid won't help a faltering relationship), and 100 percent (not 99 percent) certain you both want this change in your lives.

Get Ready Physically
If you haven't had an annual exam in years, schedule one. Then book a pelvic exam and update your immunizations. Also ask your doctor about vitamins and supplements (folic acid) you should be taking.

Uncover Your Genes
Depending on your background, your doc may refer you to a genetic counselor who will run a battery of tests to see if you carry genetic disorders like Tay-Sachs, cystic fibrosis, or sickle cell anemia.

Tune up Your Teeth
All of the extra blood flow and estrogen in the body can lead to more plaque production and bleeding gums, so get a cleaning before you get pregnant and make sure your smile is in its optimal condition.

See a Financial Planner
Or give yourself a financial checkup. According to a 2002 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, it costs about $250,000 to raise a child to age 18.

Learn Your Cycle
Start tracking your cycles now so you know when (or about when) you ovulate. Most cycles are 28 days (making day 14 the best time to conceive), but this varies from woman to woman.

Make a Baby Budget
Save yourself a lot of stress by setting up your budget now for when the baby is born. Diapers aren't cheap!

Look into Disability and Life Insurance
Disability must be purchased before you become pregnant if you want it to cover your birth and postpartum time. Because most policies require several months before you're eligible, buy it in advance.

Find out About Family Leave
Have you been at your current job long enough to be covered by the Federal Family Leave Act? Every employer has its own policies on top of the law regarding how much maternity leave is paid (or partially subsidized).

Go to Jamaica!
Fly to France! Sail into the sunset! Really enjoy being a married couple -- a family of two. Travel becomes tricky (if not limiting) with a newborn, so get to as many sites now as you can (within your budget, of course).

Relax
This shouldn't feel like work., so have fun and don't get freaked out if you don't make a baby on the first shot. If you're in your mid-30s and don't conceive after six months, check in with your ob-gyn (three months if it makes you feel better). There are many variables that decide your fertility. In fact, half of all issues couples have lie with the men.

[Nestperts] Mary Jane Minkin, MD, an ob-gyn in private practice in New Haven, Connecticut, and coauthor of A Woman's Guide to Sexual Health; Audrey Couto McClelland, coauthor of Preconception Plain & Simple; and Brette Sember, author of Your Practical Pregnancy Planner: Everything You Need to Know About the Financial and Legal Aspects of Preparing for Your New Baby

Is your partner unsure about having a baby? Find out what to do.

-- Grace Jidoun

Jul 10, 2009

See More: Getting Pregnant

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Stress was a big buss kill for me. For the first time in my life, when I was TTC my cycle was off for 2 months - the 2 months while my husband was in a career change and I was working full time and attending graduate school. I learned very quickly, that I had reached my stress limit. I finished up the term and dropped my next classes. I picked up an ovulation kit from good old Walmart - and within 2 months - PREGO!!! Good luck girls - take it easy though.

by hiiamamie on Apr 07, 2009

My husband and I were married 7 months and we had a nice and romantic valentines day. That night we forgot to use BC and were caught up in the "Moment"...Two weeks later we got a Big Fat Positive. A shock but very happy news. You can get pregnant any time, and it only takes one "oops".

by sherry831 on Apr 18, 2009

If we had taken this advice, we probably never would have gotten pregnant. :0

by magnoliakate on May 20, 2009

I am 20 so I don't know a ton on this but I do believe no matter what you won't be fully ready. I am so scared for my first and I know a woman who was terrified for her second. How can you even begin to prepare for another life?

by KickFace6 on Jul 13, 2009

While nobody is ever "ready" to be pregnant and have a new baby, I do agree with this article on the point that you should go out and have some fun if you get the chance before starting a family. I am 22, and my husband and I will have been married for two years this December, and we still want to wait to have kids. We want to be able to be completely financially secure and stable before having a baby. But I can't wait for that day! :)

by Teeny-Tiny on Jul 14, 2009

I've been married for a little over a year, my husband is 31 and I'm 25 but he gets deployed Oct 10 so we decided to wait till he gets back late 2011. By that time I'll be 28 years old and I'm kinda freaking out about it. I don't want to be an older Mom but were bothe have to be ready. This article helped me realize that.

by girl.samy on Jul 29, 2009

After spending time with my newborn niece, I've caught the baby fever (which I thought would NEVER happen at 25). We want to wait until I'm about 29 though, after hubby finishes his MBA...and he wants to visit Argentina first. It seems like a long way away, but that will just make it even more exciting when the time is right for BOTH of us.

by kristeng21 on Aug 11, 2009

We are wanting to start trying but I am having lady problems. I have been bleeding heavily since January '09, the same my husband got laid off from his job. Now we have no insurance and the clinics are so backed up that I can never get any answers. So now our baby plans have been put on the back burner till we can get some answers and solutions and till my husband gets a job and has benefits.

by squirle697 on Aug 26, 2009

Me and my husband want a baby so bad! We are talking abou TTC next summer. We will be out of debt and have mone saved up. Everyone keeps telling us to wait a couple more years but it's our decision

by TyJen on Nov 09, 2009

I kown this sounds crazy, I'm 24, getting married in May. My fiance and I, while we can wait to have kids, have both decided that we would be more than happy if we had them right away! We both think it would be nice to have some time with just us, but it would also be nice to have that little hand in mine, and know that he/she was ours. Children are such a joy and I think part of that joy is the suprise of it. Good luck all in your trying and not trying!

by yarkellymarie on Nov 13, 2009

I just got married 2 months ago, and even though I'm already 31 and dying to have a baby, we are going to wait for at least a year before we start trying. I work full time and I'm about to start going to school at night. We want to get all that out of the way and be able to provide a good stable home for a baby when they arrive. We also want to enjoy each other a little longer before the 3rd member of our family arrives.

by beccachaps on Nov 18, 2009

Really the only thing you have to be ready for is CHANGE, and lots of it, good and bad. We have a 1 year old... good luck ladies!

by Begonia2008 on Dec 01, 2009

We just got married a month ago and became aunty and uncle around the same time of our wedding. We love our nieces and would like to have our own kids but we have decided to wait until DH finishes studying (financial reasons). one and a half years to go. We just can't wait.

by cvelezco on Dec 08, 2009

My husband and I are the ultimate planners. I've had baby fever in a bad way for half a year now, and the hubs, bless his heart, just didn't understand. Until now, finally, he caught the bug too! We aren't going to dive right into it (as much as I'd like to) but 6 months from now, after we get a few things taken care of, we're going to TTC!

by mrskiv on Dec 27, 2009

Well on TheBump they were all 100% ready - trust me, I asked, and I was type-saulted! I deleted my post. I am not 100% certain I want kids right now. Thinking about the possiblity of getting pregnant is also ruining my sex drive and enjoyment. I'm scared. Please don't yell at me or be sarcastic if you disagree (those girls on TheBump were mean). :)

by JessicaandMichael on Dec 31, 2009

Talk about a list. Good grief. I'm getting a puppy.

by khoff003 on Jan 06, 2010

These are all really good tips. Me and my future hubby plan to travel and do alot of the things he never got a chance to do as a child since he grew up poor. We also want to save up a large chunk of money for a house and give our kids everything he never had(i.e. new shoes when they need them, fresh fruit ect.)

by bozo_chick on Jan 23, 2010

I am getting married in two months and it is opposite for us..he wanted to have kids like right now and I wanted to wait at least another year--I only found out this through reading the nest newlywed handbook outloud to him one day--ya ya I am an overachiever and reading it before we are married..that scared the crap out of me b/c we don't have enough money saved and we have two dogs and I can't take care of them 100% the way I am supposed to so I know I can't take care of a baby yet..I told him all of my feelings and we are waiting at least another year..thanks the nest!

by wuvsdancin on Feb 14, 2010

oh and I am 27 he is 32

by wuvsdancin on Feb 14, 2010

My husband and I both want children. He really wants to be a dad and have a family. We are in the position for it financially but our lives aren't ready at all yet. We both have so many places we want to travel to still and so many things we want to get done before we add another person to the mix. However, I've been thinking about it more and more and can't help but wonder if we could maybe still do some of it with a family. My husband is very logical and says if it happens great, if not then we still have lots to do. :D Don't be afraid to talk about the possibilities and LISTEN.

by doubleomoo on Feb 22, 2010

Family planning is sort of a double-edged sword for us. My fiance and I are getting married in November and plan to buy our first home shortly after our marriage. I am young (25) but I also have PCOS, which can make it extremely difficult to get pregnant because you don't properly ovulate. Of course, you can't actually find out how much difficulty you will have until you start trying. So we are trying to decide--do we start right away even though we might not be entirely settled because it might take a long time--which would put us in a spot if we did get pregnant right away. Or do we wait until we are settled, then try, even though then we might be dealing with years of disappointment because it only gets tougher as we get older. Knowing that you are likely to have problems before you even get started is a hard stressor to control.

by dementa on Mar 05, 2010

DH and I disagree on this majorly. He wants to be more "financially settled" before we get pregnant, but with the economy the way it is, I don't see it happening. If we wait for that, we'll never have a baby! And it's frustrating for me. I know children are expensive, but I get tired of being told one month that we don't have to try and prevent it, and the next that he'd rather me go back on some form of BC.

by ezer on May 30, 2010

Before we got married we talked about waiting 3 years...but sometimes I catch that baby fever and want one now! My husband says that's why its a fever, it will go away. I'm just glad we talked together about when ttc and I can't wait=)

by KrissyPeel on Jun 02, 2010

hubby and I won't have children until we're financially secure - that's the one thing we agreed on even back when we met on a dating site!

by Sylva on Jun 08, 2010

I have been married for 11 months, next month for our one yr we are going to Germany! I have had the baby bug for a while now, I am 27 and a good chunk of my friends just had kids last yr....DH and I just talked about TTC a few months after we get back from Germany (giving my body time with out BC) Now that we officially talked about I am scared!! I almost think we should be married a bit longer, just us two, but truth be told by the time we have the kid (if we got pregnant right away) he/she would be born near our two yr...I am all about spending time with each other before you have kids, ive been told by many friends once you have a little one, its never just the two of you anymore...not even after they are 18!

by aadewitt on Aug 27, 2010

My husband and I are going on 3.5 years of marriage and have had a rocky time thus far, mainly after the 1 year mark. We've gone through counseling but still have some kinks to work out. We know that we want to have a house before we have children then get comfortable with a new mortgage but meanwhile we need to work on the issues at hand first as those can become worse when children come. For a 25 year old I realize that children do not fix marital issues and it won't be fair to them in the end. As much as I want to be a mommy we need to have our priorities worked out. BTW- Those of you who are waiting to get'financially stable' you'll setting yourselves up to not have children for a while. Financial humps come up all the time, with or without children. If you have supportive family and friends then you'll always have help. Not saying that you should always depend on them but that's what family is for. Best of luck to you all!!

by mrssdvela on Aug 27, 2010

I can't wait to start a family. I just got married though in Aug. so I think we are going to wait until we've been married a year. I kind of feel like I'm getting a late start though, just turned 30 so I don't want to wait too long...

by Jruppell on Sep 22, 2010

I think the article brings up good points to consider before TTC. We love to travel and want a few more years for just us, but also are looking forward to family vacations after a baby. Some of my fondest memories growing up were of family vacations because my parents did not let having kids stop them from traveling all over the world liked they always dreamed!

by rsharpnack on Nov 01, 2010

The good news for us is that we can pretty much check all of these points off of our list, except the crazy travel bit, but we are planning Thailand in Feb! YAY! Maybe I will get pregnant there if all goes well and God blesses us with the precious gift of life.

by sreid27 on Nov 12, 2010

I'm 19. I've known my soon-to-be husband since we were 5, he was my first kiss and we've been best friends for 3 years. We've always been the family type and got together over a year ago. He's in the Army and we've decided now is a god time, while I'm young and can bounce back from it.

by bmblack2010 on Dec 14, 2010

I am not TTC but I found this to be VERY helpful. I am terrified at the thought of being a mom at 23 years old. I can't even imagine it, especially since my husband and I have only been married for 18 months. I want our time as husband & wife together.

by jhubbs on Dec 19, 2010

My husband and I have been married for 3 months and I have baby fever. I'm 27 and he's 32, we wanted to wait about a year before we tried but that will put me at 29 to have a baby if we get pregnant right away when we try. This article helped me realize that we should take this time for ourselves while we have it. Its a HUGE decision to make. Good luck everyone!

by advb0921 on Dec 31, 2010

I'm 19 and was married in August. My husband and I adopted a puppy when we were dating and she takes up all of our free time. My husband works full time and I work part time while going to school full time. We decided a long time ago to wait for kids as we are both so young (my husband is 21) and have a lot of time to enjoy with eachother. Our friend and the guy who married us gave us this piece of advice "enjoy the time you have..you never get to be that young again without kids". So that's exactly what we're doing =)

by daytonasparks on Jan 11, 2011

Hubby and I have been married for almost 2 years now, and the baby bug finally bit us... We are going to wait a couple of years though (I'm 23 and he is 27) because we still want to have time to just fully enjoy each other... It will be hard waiting, but I know we will have fun and make these next couple of years fly by...

by yourname on Feb 10, 2011

Check out BabyCravings.blogspot.com to chat about the joy and pains of wanting a family now!

by MiaFelipe on Mar 20, 2011

I've only been married for almost 8 months and we've been ttc for 5 and my period is so irregular that its ridiculous trying to figure out when I'm ovulating. Its also frustrating how people get pregnant after not using some form of birth control one time and some people who ar trying can't get pregnant! :(

by TiaW93 on Mar 24, 2011

I think this is good, honest advice. It's a big decision and one that should definitely be thought out well before jumping on the 'baby train', like so many do these days (before they're actually ready or before they've even thought about the reality of how their lives will change). Kids are a blessing, HUGE blessing! :) But one just needs to be responsible and be real about the changes they will definitely bring to your marriage/relationship/ life individually before creating life.

by ChefsWife05 on Mar 30, 2011

I've been married for almost six months and I have major baby fever...however there are a few things that my DH and I want to do first. I'm still in school, so I want to finish that up and really enjoy life before we expand our family. I'm 28, so we think in about 3 - 4 years we'll be ready :)

by samshow on Apr 06, 2011

married at 18, 1st child 10 months later, happy mother of 4, BUT my hisband and i both worked 50+ hours a week to raise them and give them a good life, now the youngest is 23, all doing good But we're 52 its our time now, My advise is enjoy each other before the kids, we r blessed but I tell my kids not to do what i did, don't rush life, enjoy as it happens.

by lasfamily on Aug 23, 2011

I think me and my husband are doing pretty well , we decided to wait till he's done with the military, I mean I got married hours after turning 17, and I'm only 19 now so that means I have a while to practice ;) even though I want a baby and we can afford it and all, I guess we should wait :| , lol

by stellastellaluna on Sep 30, 2011

I think my husband and I are pretty secure with each of these topics, but we are still waiting at least 2 years before we TTC. Even though we are financially and emotionally stable for a baby it is important not to rush into it even though I would LOVE have a baby right now. I feel for all the wives out there with baby fever! It's so hard to get over and comes back when you least expect it to :)

by madeline10L on Nov 18, 2011

We got married Sept 2011. We decided to wait until the wedding came to start trying. My cycle is finally normal so we are hoping it will happen soon. We have a niece who is 7 months so we both have baby fever.

by gray486 on Dec 04, 2011

I'm 19, my fiance and I just bought a house and he works a GREAT job for the government while I go to school full time, work part time and babysit two nights a week. I've had baby fever forever being the oldest of 9 kids but we're going to wait until I'm out of school in 2 years so we can give our child everything I never had! :)

by allychase on Jan 03, 2012