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The Annoying Sex Couple

Hi, how are you? Us? We've been baaaaad.

Ugh. We just ran into this couple that I typically try to avoid. They’re friends of friends of ours, and our social circles overlap just enough that we see them three or four times a year at things like weddings, Christmas parties, etc. They’re our age, nice enough, have interesting you'd think that we'd get along great. But every time we see them, I wind up gritting my teeth as Holly kicks me under the table or squeezes the hell out of my hand. The reason? Within the first five minutes of any conversation, they manage to mention how much sex they’re having. We saw them at a wedding, where they mentioned using the time between the ceremony and reception to squeeze in a "sesh." We saw them at a fairly formal dinner party, where they told a fairly graphic anecdote involving an exercise ball. The guy looks like a total Ken doll, and the girl looks like that crazed cheerleader character that Cheri Oteri used to play on Saturday Night Live. Apparently, they take yoga classes together every day, and I've often imagined how uncomfortable they must make the rest of the class (but I imagine they’re a lot like this couple).

Outside of the junior high locker room, I've never experienced much sexual braggery. Even my single friends are way more likely to talk guitar pickups than blow jobs. But for couples in a committed, monogamous relationship, I get the sex brag even less. I mean, we're all adults here, right? So let’s just assume that we’re all getting laid and call it a night. Cool? Cool.

Do you know a couple like this? What's the most annoying couple type you've come across?

-- Jack

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