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Is Your Marriage Just Okay?

Is it another case of unrealistic expectations...or something bigger? recently posted an interesting interview with Pamela Haag, author of the upcoming book Marriage Confidential. Haag said she wrote the book because she and many people she knew were finding themselves stuck in "just okay" marriage ruts. While at first I bristled at the idea (WTF is so damn wrong with okay, people?), I quickly came around, because I liked a lot of what Haag had to say. For example, "It’s more about how you live in a marriage than whom you choose."

I could not agree more. I think often, when things get a bit dullsville, couples automatically think it's a sign that they picked the wrong partner. Meanwhile, it would make more sense to take a hard look at their day-to-day lives -- and get real about how much they are (or aren't) putting into the relationship.

More from Haag: "I think people in happy marriages live like they’re on vacation all the time, in the sense that they’re paying attention to each other and trying to have some fun. Marriage should be enjoyable rather than just hard work."

I know! At first I totally bristled over the "vacation" thing, because, like...Jack and I work all the time, so how the hell are we going to pull that off? But after a second read, I think I got what Haag meant by that sentence. She was just making a case for tuning in to each other and not being constantly distracted by everyday life. In other words, are you really talking (here's a hint: Talking while texting does not count)? Are you having slow, leisurely meals together now and then? Are you going out and doing fun stuff sometimes? Yes? Then congrats! Your marriage is probably better than okay. You’ll be getting a plaque in the mail. No? Then you may fall into mediocreville.


-- Holly

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