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He Said: On Marrying the Wrong Person

...and knowing it before you say, "I do."

I was shocked when Holly showed me an article on the Huffington Post about how 30 percent of divorced women knew they were marrying the wrong guy on their wedding day.

I had Holly ask her girlfriends about this, and her findings were even more ridiculous. One woman told Holly that she knew her ex-husband was the wrong guy when they didn’t have sex at all on the honeymoon. Let me give my perspective on this: I don’t completely understand a sexless wedding night. I mean, I know it’s been a stressful run and you’re tired and drunk (okay, I guess I can sort of comprehend taking the night off), but you’re still married, and that calls for a celebration. And in this woman’s case -- the entire honeymoon? That’s a red flag, bad omen, bad sign, if there ever was one.

So why do people (yes, guys do it too) go through with marrying the wrong person? According to author Jennifer Gauvain, there are five main reasons for women: they’ve dated for so long that they don't want to waste all of that time for nothing, fear of being alone, the (ridiculous) belief that he'll change after the wedding, it’s too late to call off the wedding and, finally, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. So many of these reasons are total cop-outs -- sure, it would be embarrassing to call off the wedding, and it wastes money, but it’s better than 10 years of a failed marriage and alimony fees (not to mention long days in court).

To be expected, though, the overwhelming reasons guys went through with the wedding when they knew the marriage was doomed? A sense of obligation, duty and concern for their fiance’s well-being. It’s a chivalrous thing to go through with a wedding, but certainly not in the long run! I, for one, of course had day-of jitters, but nothing that made me doubt for a second that Holly and I would make it. If I’d had those thoughts, we would’ve talked about them, even if it was before we were supposed to walk down the aisle.

What do you guys think of these stats? It’s depressing to think that thousands of divorces could’ve been prevented had the couples been true to themselves (I know, I’m getting cheesy now) and actually backed away when they had the chance for a free and clear exit.

-- Jack

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