"Meeting the parents" is always a tough one. You can usually count on your significant other to soften the blow, though, buffering the conversation much like the dude on the tarmac guiding the plane to the gate. This was not the case when I met Steph's mom.
Dave had told me tons of stories about his parents, but I had yet to meet them. One day, when we were living in L.A., his parents invited us to travel across country -- back to New York -- for my first Passover. I knew that meeting his parents for the first time was going to be an event.
The way I was first invited to meet Steph's parents was a little bit different. I was doing stand up for the weekend in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Steph's mom happened to be in Boca Raton for a few days. Our trips were to overlap by one day. "I'd like to meet him for dinner," Stephanie's mom told her, and she conveyed the message to me. No buffer, was the first thing I thought. No Stephanie. No Stephanie's dad. Call me crazy, but it was going to be like going on a date...with my girlfriend's mother.
I arrive in New York, cute dress and all, but I'm nervous. Dave had done a good job of preparing me with graphic stories about his parents' personalities. His dad is a jokester. Each year, when his birthday comes around, the kids tell him to blow out the candles and make a wish. He does so and then subtly looks to his wife and says, "She's still here!" All I know about Dave's mom is that she once told him to go buy a new toilet seat and to take the old one (that had been on the bowl for more than 10 years) with him to match the size.
First impression: Steph's mom is the 50-something year-old version of Steph. On the one hand, she's very attractive -- but on the other, it's a little off-putting to catch a glimpse of Steph in the year 2036. After the typical small talk, she asks me, "So are you guys living together?" Um, WHAT? Steph didn't fill her in?! Two minutes into meeting this kind and unsuspecting woman, I'm forced to lie. "No! We live around the corner from each other, so we spend a lot of time together." *Gulp*
Dave's parents are so happy to meet me. His mom is just as I pictured: a bit Fran Drescher, a bit Linda Richmond (of "Coffee Talk" fame). The hair, makeup, bangles and voice instantly make me comfortable. The first words out of her mouth are "Oh my gawd, you're even more gawgeous in person...and so tiny!"
Steph's mom's second question to me: "Because why would you want the cow if you can get the milk for free?" I'm pretty sure we're now discussing my sex life. Help. Waiter, can we order?
We've since moved to New York, not far from Dave's fam. They've become a big part of our life and the source of much laughter. In fact, his mom's laugh is even bigger than mine and tends to scare children and old people!
I have to admit, overall, the evening turned out just fine. More than fine, in fact. Stephanie has a great family, and now that we live on the east coast, we see them more than ever. All's well that ends well, right?
We're wondering what your experiences with "meeting the parents" was like. Got any gems you want to share with us?!
Stephanie Tsoflias is a reporter for WPIX in New York City. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@lifeofareporter). Dave Siegel is a standup comedian and writer in New York City. You can see a list of his upcoming performances at DaveSiegel.com and follow him on Twitter (@StandUpDave).