Listen, I realize that I've earned quite the Scroogey rep in the short time that this blog has been running. I guess, I get it. I mean, I do complain about pretty much every holiday for one reason or another. But here's the deal: I honestly think you'd see things my way if you lived in NYC. In other areas, you can have complete control of how much of a given holiday you expose yourself to. Don't want to stand in a three-hour line to get a photo taken with Santa? Easy, you simply don't go to your local mall. Don't want anyone to urinate on your shoes on New Year's Eve? Simple, don't go to any party or club where people will be so trashed they mistake your leg for a convenient tree. This is not the way things work in New York City.
Here, you have to go much further to avoid complete holiday insanity. Sometimes, entire neighborhoods are off-limits. Around Christmas, don't even think about entering the area near Rockefeller Center, lest you be sucked into the tide of waddling, shuffling masses inching toward the famous tree. On Halloween, don't even think of trying to negotiate the West Village on foot or by cab, because the annual parade blocks off street after street, and getting to a party can be like an episode of The Amazing Race. But even if you can sidestep the biggest holiday traps, there's one thing you can almost never completely avoid... And that's the people. For whatever reason, on all the major holidays, New Yorkers (and a high percentage of visiting tourists) get completely sh#*faced. But unlike similarly sloshed people in your town, they don't stay indoors. Nope, here in NYC they are mobile as hell. Which is why I hate Halloween. If I go outside at all on Halloween, I'm likely to see someone taking a wiz on something or someone (every single year), at least one person in an elaborate costume passed out on the street (twice, once a chubby Superman and once a pope), barf and/or barfing (again, every single year), and finally, girls in slutty costumes crying (four years, a witch, an angel, an Amy Winehouse, and a gothic wench). So because I have to be in the city for Halloween this year, it looks like I'll be hiding out indoors (I'm thinking Netflix and takeout). Meanwhile, Holly is planning a kids’ Halloween thing with a friend and her children. What did you guys do? Anyone else avoid Halloween too?