When her Modern Love
story came out in The New York Times
, both Holly and I read it (as did the rest of the world I guess, ‘cause it’s now the most popular ML of all time). Then, I listened to her interview on NPR. Now, there’s a book, titled: This Is Not The Story You Think It Is
. I haven’t read it yet, but it looks awesome. If you don’t know who she is by now – this line from the Modern Love piece, describing the moment her husband attempted to walk out on their marriage, tells you all you need to know:“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.
To really sum up what happened next, Munson says that by refusing to make her husband’s personal crisis into her problem, she was able to give him the space he needed to deal with what was really happening. Without reading the entire book (or talking to the dude) I can’t tell you what he was really
going through, but Munson has her theories. She says he was suffering from professional disappointment, had let himself go physically -- your basic mid-life crisis stuff. I won’t give you a complete play by play, but the couple ended up sticking it out, and is reportedly happy.
To me, this story is mind-blowing. The ability to deal with your spouse’s breakdown without making it your own is something both Holly and I hope to master. When she tells me that she’s unsatisfied, or feels trapped by life, I struggle not to make it about me. We talk about this sort of thing a lot: meaning how to support each other with some emotional distance. I know, that sounds like a self-help book, but we are that kind of couple (read: the kind that talks everything to death).Did any of you
read the original article? How about the book?
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