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My Married Life: Hey! Quit Giving Your Husband Advice

But only if you like...want a happy marriage.

I was reading The Nest boards today and came across this entry. The poster was perplexed because her husband keeps coming home from work stressed, depressed, and rejecting all of her helpful suggestions. Errrrrrrrrrch! I'm just gonna go ahead and pull the E-brake on that runaway train for you girl, 'cause honey, I know a thing or two about this particular issue. Let's just say I'm guilty of crimes eerily similar to yours. Really, really guilty. I cannot count the number of times that Jack has come home angry or depressed from work and I've asked him to tell me all about it, then offered him a list as long as my arm of ways to "solve his problems."

But guess what hon? He does not a) take my suggestions, or b) appreciate my suggestions. In fact, he is c) super-pissed off that I am doing it again! What Jack wants, and what (I'm guessing) every spouse wants, is to be listened to and offered support. Support does not mean advice. Support can be as simple as a hug, a cocktail, or an "I've been there babe." All I know is that he wants me to knock it off. Because here's the thing: When I give him advice, I'm kind of saying that the problem is his fault or that he's not doing enough to solve it on his own, and I definitely don't want to make him feel like that. I'll admit, quitting is really hard because I am a total giver of advice, but I'm really, really trying. I've written about this before, but change takes time -- and I'm still working on it.

Do you guys have this problem?

-- Holly