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My Married Life: Jack Answers Your Questions

Last week, I asked readers to submit topic ideas -- things they’d like to hear my perspective on. Reader Lala 1 asked if family, friends, or even Holly dropped hints or made comments about how long it took me to pop the question. Here's what she said -- and my response.

You guys mentioned that you waited a long time to get married. Why do you think that is? What made you decide to get married when you did? Did you feel pressure from family/friends? I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year, and little comments I get from some of my family members about why we aren't planning to get married yet are really starting to irk me. Did Holly ever drop hints about wanting to get hitched earlier?

Now here's what I say: I proposed to my wife exactly six years after we started dating (even though Holly always says seven). While this probably seems like a long time to some, it’s hardly an eternity. But yeah, there were plenty of comments.

There's nothing worse than someone taking little jabs at your lifestyle under the guise of casual inquiry. I never did well with that. When the comments came from family members, I was more understanding. Marriage is one of life's major landmarks, so our families couldn't really help themselves (they were going nuts). But when friends commented, I felt they were overstepping. One woman said that Holly and I were probably already common-law, so I didn't actually need to propose. I found that one pretty offensive. As if commitment should be forced when the male doesn't comply quickly enough. Bottom line: Nosy people suck.

The reason I bristled so much at the comments was simple: I was waiting to propose because I took it really seriously. I knew that half of all marriages end in divorce. Half! In light of that, I don't think waiting to be sure I was really ready was such a big deal.

As for whether Holly dropped hints...hinting about anything is not really her style. She talked about it, so it was officially on the table. I'm sure she would have liked to do it earlier. And looking back on it, I definitely could have. But who cares? Our relationship is great -- end of story. I guess that's what it comes down to for me. How are we doing today? Good. Okay, then our marriage is a success. Go tell Grandma she can stop worrying.

How do you deal with intrusive comments?

-- Jack

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