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When Your Friend Marries a Creep

What happens when a great friend picks a not-so-great guy to spend forever with?

Every once in a while I think about my old friend Clare (not her real name). We used to hang out all the time and had tons of debaucherous fun together. That was before she met and married Sam (not his real name). It took me (and the rest of our mutual friends) quite awhile to see just how much Sam sucked. And once we saw it, we had a hard time spending time with the two of them.

On the surface, Sam was an entrepreneur -- an ideas man who was forever launching a new start-up business. But the reality was, he lived off Clare and never brought home a single cent. He was also a drunk and, from the looks of it, had a pretty wandering eye. It wasn't long before Clare and Sam started hanging out with a group of much younger, sloppy, seminude girls (imagine three Ke$ha types hanging out with a buttoned-up, preppy couple). It became clear that they were participating in some form of swinger lifestyle (though they appeared to be frolicking with a female-only playgroup).

So I was a little bit grossed out, and sad for Clare. Knowing her as well as I did, I was pretty sure she was just going along with whatever Sam wanted -- you know, trying to hold on to her man. I've written before about how I find the whole open marriage concept to be completely redic (as in, has never ever worked in the history of ever), so I won't waste any space hammering it home here.

Anyway, she married him. Jack and I attended the wedding. It was bittersweet. Beautiful on some levels (I was happy that she was getting what she wanted), awful on others (Sam spilled an entire glass of red wine on her wedding dress during the reception -- foreshadowing, maybe?). Since the wedding, Clare and I have hung out exactly zero times, and the same is true for the rest of our mutual friends. All of us put the blame squarely on Sam's suckiness. But sometimes I wonder, Should I have fought harder for our friendship? I just don't know. I'm not the kind of person who is great at keeping her mouth shut, so instead of hanging out with her and fighting the urge to badmouth her husband, I just ghosted on her. Have you ever lost a friend to a spouse you didn't care for? How did it happen?

-- Holly

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