In the interest of complete disclosure, Tracy McMillan, who penned the recent HuffPo article, "Why You're Not Married
," is an old friend of mine. But that's not why I loved her article (which hit number one in terms of traffic and is still pissing off scores of people). A few of my friends were pretty upset over it -- and seemed to read it as an anti-feminist
, pro-marriage manifesto. They railed against the tired concept that a woman must change
herself in order to get a man. But here's the thing -- I totally disagree.
First of all, I don't think the article is pro-marriage. It didn't suggest that marriage should be a goal of single women everywhere; it simply spoke to women for whom marriage is a goal (albeit one they might not be super-comfortable admitting to). And as for the idea that a woman should not have to change herself in order to get a man -- I agree. But come on, women, don't you kind of want to work on yourself anyway? I mean, isn't self-improvement kind of your thing? What's the downside, seriously?
But my drop-dead favorite part of the story addresses a problem that many, many of my single girlfriends have–prioritizing the wrong things
. From the story: "When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Tell it sister!
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