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8 Hints He Wishes You Were More Adventurous in Bed

8 hints he wishes you were more adventurous in bed 

Is your guy trying to leave you hints that he wants to mix things up in the bedroom? Read on to find out!

1. You discover pages of the Kama Sutra randomly tucked into your Us Weekly.

2. You come home to find him shirtless with a bottle of lotion in his hand, asking for help with a “back spasm.”

3. Wild Things has mysteriously been added to the first spot on your Netflix queue and The Notebook has been bumped to the bottom.

4. He keeps bringing up that time...in the bathroom...at your friend’s party -- even though it was four years ago.

5. All five pairs of your ratty flannel pajamas have suddenly disappeared.

6. He returns from the grocery store with a can of whipped cream and no Ben & Jerry’s.

7. He volunteers to clean up dinner and do the dishes so you can “conserve your energy.”

8. He finally hangs up that mirror you bought a month ago...on the ceiling.
Read More

Nesties Sound Off

What signs do Nesties give their spouses to show they’re not in the mood? Here’s what they said.

“When he tries to get playful to get me roused up, I just pat his hand and give him a courtesy laugh. He eventually rolls over.” --jacesracer

“I normally act like I’m asleep (this is usually after I’ve been lying in bed reading for an hour).” --cincyGirl1980

“If I don’t want to do it, I tell him either he’s gonna have to do the work or ‘persuade’ me.” --Beth10/16/04

“I tell him the muffin shop is closed!” --highdee

“I’ve been known to put on these really horrific but very comfortable pj’s when I’m not in the mood before he gets a chance to make a move. I think he’s either totally turned off or takes the hint.” --wrongwayec

“We went to a Brazilian steakhouse for dinner. They bring you selections of meat as long as you have the little double-sided coaster flipped to the green ‘want more’ side. When you don’t want them to bring you meat, you flip to the red ‘no, thank you’ side. I joked that I’d bring the coaster home for his nightstand.” --Heather&Allan

-- The Nest Editors

Jan 18, 2010

See More: Love & Sex , Sex Q&A

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What? You should always make the effort to satisfy your mate. Unless you have a good excuse like bleeding during pregnancy. It really hurt to have to say "no" eventhough it was for the baby.

by ladycat303 on Jun 19, 2009

i would have to agree with Catlady303 here... even if your not in the mood... you should generally be ready to do something if he wants you to. and that goes for the men towards the women too.

by ashday on Jun 24, 2009

Being condescending or acting annoyed or asleep is unnecessary and rude, and will not help your relationship. Pay him the compliment of being honest and just tell him gently but firmly that you are not in the mood or too tired, etc., and promise him a raincheck. Or just give it a try for his sake, because you love him.

by mollysue84 on Jun 24, 2009

I agree with mollysue84. Be honest and tell him you are not interested or better yet, give it a try because you know it will please him. Sex is 99% mental anyway,and it shouldn't only be on the woman's terms.

by queenbee771 on Jun 24, 2009

We usually say to eachother "I am not in the mood but I may be able to be convinced". He/I either take(s) that as a challenge or says no biggie maybe tomorrow.... either way, WE BOTH WIN!!

by rockarose on Jun 24, 2009

One book I read before getting married said never outright refuse your husband sex unless he's asking for it while driving down the interstate. I too have said when I'm not "in the mood" that I'd need convincing. If my husband really wants it, let's just say I have no reason to complain by the end. We also will compromise on a more 'abbreviated' version during times of the month when I'm not fully available to him, we're short on time, or just tired.

by krbtgny on Jun 24, 2009

Usually I just give in, he usually likes to try to get me to start something, but, if I'm not in the mood to do so he takes over. Even if I'm not in the mood in the beginning, usually I'm ok with it afterwards. It never hurts to cave in.

by mewascrum on Jun 24, 2009

When you don't want to, it's hard to bring yourself to make sure his needs are fulfilled. While it's not the most amazing sex ever, if he's really feeling horny and I'm just not interested, I'll make sure he gets what he wants, quickie-style, so I can snuggle him afterwards!

by LuckyAngel07 on Jun 24, 2009

Hmm, well, he usually gets the idea if I come to bed wearing socks and my retainers.

by brooklynnj on Jun 24, 2009

Every girl here should read "For Woman Only"... there are more reasons then you think as to why men want sex... After reading this book, even if I am not in the mood, I force myself to act like I am... he literally NEEDS me to.

by Akakori2 on Jun 24, 2009

Since my fiance and I strive to have open and honest communication with one another in everything we do, if I'm not in the mood, I tell him, if he's not in the mood, he tells me (there are other ways of dealing with the physical want by yourself). We're not saying "not tonight" because we want to hurt or put off the other, but because how we're feeling right at that moment we can't give our entire selves to one another. We both agree that we'd rather be fully involved with one another rather than half heatedly making the motions.

by franie on Jun 24, 2009

If he starts acting like he wants "attention" and I'm not in he mood I just tell him that I didn't shave my legs...he gets the hints.

by wildangel41 on Jun 24, 2009

Why would you care about signs to say you're not interested. We need a list of the ways you give your guy the high sign that you're ready to get it on. Come on ladies! Lets get real here.

by Swordman5000sWoman on Jun 24, 2009

Having sex for men is like communication for women. They NEED it to feel close to us. What if your husband never wanted to talk to you!? If you're really not up to it, you should always be honest with him but do it in a way that respects him and doesn't make him feel rejected. If you respect him, he will love you. If you're not in the mood, tell him you'll need convincing. Sometimes life is about doing things you don't want to because you love someone. Love takes sacrifice but think about it, is giving sex to your husband really a huge sacrifice? It's for you too. Go in the bathroom and freshen up a bit so you feel more like a woman. Come on, ladies! If you give it to him at home, what reason would he have to go elsewhere? Think about it.

by rocket2japan on Jun 25, 2009

Having sex for men is like communication for women. They NEED it to feel close to us. What if your husband never wanted to talk to you!? If you're really not up to it, you should always be honest with him but do it in a way that respects him and doesn't make him feel rejected. If you respect him, he will love you. If you're not in the mood, tell him you'll need convincing. Sometimes life is about doing things you don't want to because you love someone. Love takes sacrifice but think about it, is giving sex to your husband really a huge sacrifice? It's for you too. Go in the bathroom and freshen up a bit so you feel more like a woman. Come on, ladies! If you give it to him at home, what reason would he have to go elsewhere? Think about it.

by rocket2japan on Jun 25, 2009

I agree with akakori2...For Women Only is an amazing book, and i highly suggest it to everyone! It discusses how not being sexually available to your husband is very similar to how we feel when they are not emotionally available to us.

by Chelsealeann on Jun 25, 2009

Did anybody actually read the article? it is about how men show that they want their wife to be wild in bed or do something out of ordinary. Not about how wives show their husbands if they are in the mood or not.

by jennygene on Jun 26, 2009

Haha...that's awesome, rockarose...love it. I'm definitely going to use that one. Good point, jennygene...although I think the comments have been in response to the question following the article.

by mollysue84 on Oct 01, 2009

Man if I were married I'd always wanna do it no ifs ands or buts. My boy and I are really religious and in our religion it says that you're body is not your own. it is to be shared with the one He created for you. no matter if you do or don't wana do it. I'd wanna do it alot and I'd rather have him satisfied than me feel guilty for not pleasing him.

by rae31415 on Dec 06, 2009

I'm pretty sure that if our husbands told us they just weren't in the mood to "talk" that we'd be pretty upset...kind of like when we just aren't in the mood for sex. like already said--it's mostly mental anyways. grow up.

by megd06 on Dec 20, 2009

except when im sick... i am never so far from the mood that with a bit of persuasion he cant get me going... doesnt matter what i wear to bed lol

by soon2bmrsramirez on Dec 30, 2009

my husband likes my flannel pjs as much as a red hot bra...especially when he catches a glimpse of skin when i stretch or were tumbling around with the baby. im glad that no matter what i wear he wants a taste ;) and i try not to say no, bc its going to be awesome no matter how 'tired' or 'uninterested' i may have been to begin with

by smg09 on Jan 20, 2010

I've never EVER turned down a chance to have sex!!! Get yourself in the mood and PLEASE YOUR MAN!

by karahlyn on Jan 20, 2010

How come I'm the one that sounds like the guy in this case :) I wish he was that suggestive...and more often. I know I'm not the greatest at making the first move, but I sure wish we could make it happen more often... LB

by smabyl on Feb 05, 2010

Not in the mood??? I do not understand

by GidgetKyle on May 07, 2010

I don't think there is anything wrong with not ALWAYS wanting to have sex, but you should be honest about it. If I'm not in the mood, I tell him that. Sometimes he says the same thing to me, too! We don't get offended and it doesn't happen often, but respecting the other person's desires goes BOTH ways. I respect that even if I'm not totally in the mood, I can GET in the mood most of the time so he (we) can feel fulfilled. On the other hand, he respects that I might just be really tired once in awhile, and when that happens we share intimacy in other ways like cuddling or talking.

by amy41710 on Jul 12, 2010

9. He tells you. Every day. About ten times a day.

by tawneytobe on Jul 18, 2010

Is this an article? It's reads more like one of those "Top 10 Reasons" posters everyone had in college. This isn't informative or very entertaining, sorry :( As a guy, the best way is to whisper some naughty things in her ear during sex. It's subtle way to get her aroused and to hint at some "extras" you'd like to try at a later date. That way when she thinks about it later she'll also remember what was going on when you told her ;) And I hate to say it, but some of the "Nesties Sound Off' comments are some exact reasons some guys don't want to get married. Such as "“I normally act like I’m asleep (this is usually after I’ve been lying in bed reading for an hour).” --cincyGirl1980"...that's horrible, just tell him, it's easier for him than feeling unwanted and ignored. Would it be funny if he ignored you when you wanted to be intimate?

by goldiemcg on Aug 02, 2010

I have to agree with everyone here: if you're seriously not in the mood, be honest - and offer an alternative! Sometimes you don't have to feel playful to feel in the mood.

by MrsSMJD on Aug 02, 2010

This article was silly. I was thought it would talk about things he talks about and hints at that we might not be picking up on. And, all these things have nothing to do with being adventurous, they have more to do with him just feeling like he's not getting enough.

by hayleylashea on Aug 02, 2010

The book you are refeering to is ******** You should never give in just to make him happy. That's a way to do damage to your sexual life. It is good that men have some craving because it keeps him wanting more. A sextherapist

by sdude on Aug 02, 2010

We just say 'how about a rain check for tomorrow?'

by lostpenguin on Aug 02, 2010

"You should always bow down and please your partner even if you don't want to"...and you should do all the cooking and cleaning and child rearing and just forget about how you feel altogether. If you feel like you have to have sex because your husband "needs" it to love you, that's screwed up. If he really wants to make love to you and you are not in the mood, he should show you how much he loves you and make you want to have sex with him - you shouldn't just submit because men can't live without sex. Give me a break.

by carlystevebarrish on Aug 02, 2010

ladies who wrote this FOR WOMEN ONLY book...please let me know I would like to get it!

by RJHouston on Aug 02, 2010

ladies who wrote this FOR WOMEN ONLY book...please let me know I would like to get it!

by RJHouston on Aug 02, 2010

Wow, for the women that are saying you should make the effort anyway I think that is just ridiculous. I can't imagine having my husband making love to me when I didn't want it...

by schmittm on Aug 02, 2010

Wow, I think there are a lot of unhealthy responses on here. It's basically like "please your man at all costs." Sorry, I actually have feelings and I'm not always in the mood. My husband isn't always in the mood when I am either. We are honest with each other and we don't take it as a personal attack. Just doing it for the sake of your husband is totally disregarding how you feel about having sex. That's not right. That's like ten steps back in the whole feminist movement here. But hey, that's your sex life and you guys can do whatever you want to I guess (even when you aren't in the mood) for fear your husband will get it somewhere else (as I saw one poster saying). If not having sex a few times is going to make your husband run off and do someone else, maybe it's a marriage problem and not a sex problem.

by AcidBubble on Aug 03, 2010

I'm really surprised by the responses to this question. Not only are they condescending and rude, they really don't seem to fit with the topic of the above list. Maintaining a healthy sexual relationship requires time, effort, and communication. These factors seem to be lacking in the responses the THE NEST'S editors have chosen.

by mwarkentin on Aug 03, 2010

Also, it's important to find some balance between his desires and yours in a healthy marriage. If you feel you HAVE to have sex with him or "he might get it somewhere else" then there's more to work on in your marriage than sex. Men are not dumb animals who need sex at all costs, nor should women feel that politely rejecting the advances of their partner is damaging to their relationship. At the same time, sex is fun and if you only need to make a small mental shift to get in the mood, the result will make both you and your partner happy. In a loving, healthy relationship, sex is a win-win.

by mwarkentin on Aug 03, 2010

This is 2010 ladies, sex goes both ways. Your body is still your body and to feel like you have to "give in" is just wrong. You should both be in the mood to make love. If I'm not in the mood I'm not going to act like a blow-up doll.

by jlnk18 on Aug 03, 2010

How ridiculous! If your spouse really loves you I hardly think they would want you to lie there and 'let him satisfy himself' if you don't want to. Being persuaded by them putting in a bit of extra effort if you're not initially in the mood is different. However, being married or in a relationship is not a contract for sexual services whenever one person wants it, and a loving relationship should respect the wants (or not) of both partners at all times.

by extravagantbride on Aug 07, 2010

I think when you are not really into it it isnt as special. My FI knows when I'm not really into it and he doesn't enjoy it as much either. I also hate when he doesn't want to and I do and so we do then I feel like I forced him. So we usually just tell each other if we don't want to.

by opp282009 on Aug 12, 2010

My husband jokes that I'm a sex fiend, I've only turned him down twice ever in our entire relationship and I'm usually the one who instigates it. I've never been one to deny sex, I don't think its fair to lie to him and say that I have a headache or pretend to be a sleep, the two times that I didn't want to I flat out told him no. And while he still tried to pursude me I just stuck with my guns and he respected me enough to leave me alone about it.

by cinema401 on Sep 02, 2010

Before we got married we both agreed to Never say no to sex. Once you get started you eventually get into it anyways and sex actually gives you energy anyways. It's worked so far! And I really like what Beth said "If I don't want to do it, I tell him either he's gonna have to do the work or 'persuade' me." You may not feel like it at first, but there are obviously ways to quickly get over it.

by bonnieandjohn on Sep 09, 2010

MollySue, you are a smart lady!!! Your husband deserves respect and honesty, not childish games and and being mean!! That being said, I do not agree with LadyCat... You shouldn't "always" feel the need to do anything, except respect the wishes of your partner (yes, PARTNER, it's a two-way street...), people need to be aware of the wishes and needs of their loved ones, sometimes you have to make a consignment and tell him he needs to help you get in the mood, sometimes you're really just too tired and you need to speak up and tell him that (with the understanding that he will respect YOUR wishes)!!! You're adults, for God's sake, you married each other!! Although, I'm just as silly as the next person, so I can truly appreciate the Brazilian Steakhouse coaster comment!! HeeHee!!

by DORIHAHN@AOL.COM on Oct 12, 2010

Even if I'm not in the mood, he's sees it as a challenge to get me there. This has led to us discovering ways to turn each other on that we never knew about.

by cmhth2 on Oct 13, 2010

Well usually he's the one who is too tired, sick, or is in the middle of watching a movie (i know...really?) So i don't ever think of saying no because i don't want to discourage him. But honestly, i think it would be horrible if I had to force myself into having sex when i didn't feel like it just to make him happy. some of these posts make me wonder...

by tikiandburley on Mar 17, 2011

Ok I have to share tho story cause it was just too funny! One night I wasn't really in the mood cause I was so tired from work but I told him If he got me going why the heck not. So he started by giving me a back massage. He said when he thought was ready and tried to turn me over I was asleep!!! I guess it was to relaxing!!! But I honesty tried!

by ropencowgirl33 on Dec 05, 2011

I never turn my hubby down as I don't want him straying so I always keep him satisfied!

by JnSHovey on Dec 28, 2011

I dont see any reason to lie to your loved one about sex or anything no matter how long you two have been together. Just be upfront and honest. If they love you enough they will understand and take a rain check!!

by Reonna on Feb 02, 2012