Now you may be wondering: Why the heck am I reading this? After all, aren’t newlyweds supposed to have scorching sex all the time? Truth is, even at this amazing stage, you can have an unexpected sex stall. Here are some common culprits:
- Your libidos are out of sync.
You’re supposed to be soul mates…so why is it that you want it slow and sensual at night but he wants it fast and furious in the morning? Well, guys wake up with high levels of testosterone and energy and crave sex first thing in the a.m. But at night, testosterone levels dip right when you’re revved up.
Sexy solution: If he’s never in the mood after dinner, grab him before you open the take-out. If you dislike a.m. sex, join him in his morning shower. - Long workweeks leave you both sapped.
His afternoon meeting ran late and he’s exhausted; your boss yelled at you (again). By the time you make it through the front door, your sex drives are MIA.
Sexy solution: Studies show that lovemaking boosts levels of brain chemicals that trigger desire. So the more you push past your tiredness and get busy, the more you’ll want to do it. You can start by trading five-minute massages (no, you aren’t too tired). Conjure up an erotic scenario—research shows women who fantasize often have more frequent and satisfying sex. - The honeymoon is over.
Why can’t sex be as hot as it was during those 10 days in Anguilla? Was it the plush mattress? The sound of the ocean at night? Now sex feels like a letdown.
Sexy solution: Start turning things around when you’re not in the sack. Devote the weekends to reconnecting. Unplug from the world and fantasize about that sexy anniversary trip you’ll be booking in the Bahamas. Anticipation in itself can be a surprising aphrodisiac. - You’re trying to get pregnant.
When you’re in baby-making mode, sex can start to feel methodical, even frustrating—especially if you’ve been trying for a while.
Sexy solution: Make the rest of the month (i.e., your nonpeak-fertility days) all about pleasure. For starters, zip your lips on the baby topic so your minds are clear and sex can be more fun. Your next steamy step? Try a new position or grab your partner for a quickie before you head out to a party—everyone will wonder what that smirk is on your faces.
Nestpert Yvonne K. Fulbright, PHD, sexuality educator and author of Pleasuring: The Secrets to Sexual Satisfaction
-- Elise Nersesian
See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex , Sex Q&A
62718238 
jadeorchid21
Sorry but sexy massages does nothing. Most of the time, it is a matter of. . . I hate to say it but bugging the person. Getting naked and kissing their body sometimes even dancing for them naked. But, one of you must get the energy. I am not sure this would be helpful for me. His hands are way too rough and then it seems like I am doing all the work. And, btw we have been married for 6 mos.
62693932 
jessesfuturewife2
My DH and I are newlyweds of 2.5 months..We are getting used to living together, as we did not before we got married. We were traditional people. We are usually pretty good with each other, but because we have two COMPLETELY different drives, we can go a week at a time without it. And in case you are wondering, we are still in our twenties. I'm almost 26, and he will be 30 in June. He has something "wrong" with "the boys" that keeps him from wanting "it" often. If it were up to him, We would be nuns. Yeah. It sucks. I'm just the opposite, My drive is crazy, where I could go every night, and it's so frustrating. Sometimes I lay awake at night and listen to him sleep thinking how much nicer it would be if he would pay attention to me in the bedroom a little more often. Usually when we have time for each other, I have to be the initiator of it.
62683356 
gallaghers82
I have been married for two years and I haven't experienced a rut yet. Even after having a baby, I was ok. My husband and I crave the same amount of sex and we seem to be in sync, just as we were before we got married. If we ever have a rut I would talk about it and try my hardest to fix it. I think a lack of sex and intimacy is the number one reason a marriage starts to fail. We always try to make it a point to be intimate. My husband also likes to cuddle while we watch tv and sleep.
62681182 
sptish
Well I disagree with all the posts, I require and want the same amount and kind of sex my husband and I had before marriage and unfortunately he can not keep up with me. This has stressed both of us out tremendously because nothing in our lives has changed except for having a son, yet we can't manage to be on the same sex page at the same time. It very frustrating to go from nearly daily having a make out session to monthly and although I have voiced my concerns we have yet to make things work. On this issue I'm just like a man, if you can't, won't or don't please me at home, sooner or later I'll have to go out and get it.
62680860 
chocm
dont make generalizations. know each others expectations. get your libidos as in sync as possible. check into resources for any problems you think are unsolvable.
61777869 
ariane1010
Miniro2003 - maybe she is not communicating that there is something she needs? My FI and I were in a slump and finally talked about what we needed (more touching for me, more understanding about exercise for him) and things have been a lot smoother since. Otherwise, it may be time to work with a marriage councilor.
61013832 
bevrich23
Sex is more important for some people than others. Not always is it that the man wants it more and the woman wants it less. There can be an imbalance going either way as far as what each partner wants. The important thing to do is to communicate to your partner in a genuine, non-confrontational way about how you feel about those issues and come up with a solution that makes both of you feel good. Marriage takes the ability to compromise on things that both partners don't see eye to eye on, unless its something you can agree to disagree on. However, on a topic like sex and intimacy, which is important to a relationship, I think that a compromise solution is bet if partners are not on the same wavelength!
60971078 
minrio2003@yahoo.com
I have been married for four years and within this timeframe, I have been greatly deprived of sex. I have had thoughts of cheating but do not dare to go there. I have been turned down from making love to my wife in every way possible. It's been from "I'm tired", "Good nite," "Got homework," "Got get up and get ready", and ultimate excuse of "Later." Only to be lead on by a false promise of in the morning." What must I do? Please Help!?
60957400 
yiv
I have to disagree as well, momtobe30. My husband also enjoys cuddling and has even told me that he doesn't just want to have sex all the time, but spend quality other-intimate time together. This is fantastic because, admittedly, I'll use sex as a distraction when things are bothering me or I'm feeling emotionally needy. Because my husband cares for me he wants to talk about what's going on and find out what's bothering me instead of jumping into bed. I really appreciate this and it makes me feel more loved and cared for. Additionally, I have to disagree with the author on the first point - at least for us. My hormones are revved up late at night, and can especially be in the morning. It is more common for my husband to be revved up at night than in the morning. Like wimlove said- generalizations are dangerous and give both men AND women the wrong ideas about "the way it should be." KNOW YOUR SPOUSE; know that every spouse is going to be different, similar to how everyone has different personalities. If my husband and I followed this advice, or other sweeping generalizations, our marriage would probably have a slew of communication issues and false expectations.
60613220 
KrissyEric
momtobe30 I am sad for you, my husband loves to cuddle. It is one of our favorite things to do. I agree with most of you ladies that sex is focused on way too much. I love alone time with my husband, we curl up together and watch a movie. Now that we have a little one out alone time is even more precious. While sex is still great for us, there are lots of other things we can to together to get quality time in. I love candle light dinners with wine and great music. Sometimes those activities can really put you in the mood and can lead to time under the sheets. :)
60526324 
wimlove
The reality of things is that men are from mars and women are from venus!! Sex is important and so is cuddling and doing other things outside the bedroom. The argument of sex versus simple affection can never be completely concluded upon - what counts is that each couple discusses what is important to THEM and what works for them. Generalizations are very dangerous, so is elevating one's needs above your partner's needs. Making sure your man knows you love to cuddle and making sure you, as a woman, know and understand that your man loves sex and then acting upon this knowledge is the beginning of wedded bliss :-)
60525294 
momtobe30
Lets be honest... Men don't want to cuddle! Trust me, doing interesting things together to "connect" is not the top of a man's list. Ladies, we know this... One of the number one marriage killers, especially from a man's point of view, is a lack of sex or love making... Don't get me wrong there are some men that are never satisfied but they are not the rule. Now that I have accepted this fact, although hard at times, I am trying to do all I can to keep my hubby's attention and keep him satisfied... Some of you may not like this but when our husbands are satisfied and happy there will be no limit to how tremendously happy and satisfied we will be.
60515346 
courtnjon
There definitely needs to be a balance. For many women, quality time is much more important than sex. For men, sex is a very important part of their lives (not to say that they don't appreciate quality time as well). I tend to agree with the two previous posts. There is a huge amount of emphasis put on sex for newlyweds when there are so many other great things about being married besides steamy sex. The truth is, the sex won't be that great if there isn't a lot of quailty time to go with it.
60510615 
Delusionary
alot of time me and my husband do not want sex at the same time and we let it go. i'm sure we're having much less sex than other newly wed couples out there. thing is, when we do have the chance to have sex, it's that much more passionate. and i still carry a secret little smile with me remembering the naughty things we've done. i agree with MikenDeanna, i feel that people do focus on sex too much. the advice of this page... telling couples that if they do not have enough quality time to spend together, they should squander what they do have on sex... seems a bit much. i think i would rather cuddle with my hubbie and enjoy his company and warmth with the little time that i do have with him.
59953512 
MikenDeanna
Maybe it's just me, but does it always have to be about sex? I feel like I've married the guy who could easily have sex 5-6 times a day! I want to spend other quality time. I don't think that sex should be #1, I think spending time doing things you enjoy together should be #1. Just because I'm a newlywed, doesn't mean I should be having or thinking about sex every minute I'm with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex with him, but I also think that sometimes there are better uses for our alone time!