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No Time for Good Sex?

no time for good sex?

Sure, you're newlyweds...but it is the week to amp up your sex life! Truth is, even at this amazing stage, you can have an unexpected sex stall. Here are some common culprits:

  • Your libidos are out of sync.
    You’re supposed to be soul mates…so why is it that you want it slow and sensual at night but he wants it fast and furious in the morning? Well, guys wake up with high levels of testosterone and energy and crave sex first thing in the a.m. But at night, testosterone levels dip right when you’re revved up.
    Sexy solution: If he’s never in the mood after dinner, grab him before you open the take-out. If you dislike a.m. sex, join him in his morning shower.

  • Long workweeks leave you both sapped.
    His afternoon meeting ran late and he’s exhausted; your boss yelled at you (again). By the time you make it through the front door, your sex drives are MIA.
    Sexy solution: Studies show that lovemaking boosts levels of brain chemicals that trigger desire. So the more you push past your tiredness and get busy, the more you’ll want to do it. You can start by trading five-minute massages (no, you aren’t too tired). Conjure up an erotic scenario -- research shows women who fantasize often have more frequent and satisfying sex.

  • The honeymoon is over.
    Why can’t sex be as hot as it was during those 10 days in Anguilla? Was it the plush mattress? The sound of the ocean at night? Now sex feels like a letdown.
    Sexy solution: Start turning things around when you’re not in the sack. Devote the weekends to reconnecting. Unplug from the world and fantasize about that sexy anniversary trip you’ll be booking in the Bahamas. Anticipation in itself can be a surprising aphrodisiac.

  • You’re trying to get pregnant.
    When you’re in baby-making mode, sex can start to feel methodical, even frustrating -- especially if you’ve been trying for a while.
    Sexy solution: Make the rest of the month (i.e., your nonpeak-fertility days) all about pleasure. For starters, zip your lips on the baby topic so your minds are clear and sex can be more fun. Your next steamy step? Try a new position or grab your partner for a quickie before you head out to a party -- everyone will wonder what that smirk is on your faces.

Nestpert: Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, sexuality educator and author of Pleasuring: The Secrets to Sexual Satisfaction

-- Elise Nersesian

See More: Couple Issues , Love & Sex , Sex Q&A

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Maybe it's just me, but does it always have to be about sex? I feel like I've married the guy who could easily have sex 5-6 times a day! I want to spend other quality time. I don't think that sex should be #1, I think spending time doing things you enjoy together should be #1. Just because I'm a newlywed, doesn't mean I should be having or thinking about sex every minute I'm with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex with him, but I also think that sometimes there are better uses for our alone time!

by MikenDeanna on Apr 09, 2009

alot of time me and my husband do not want sex at the same time and we let it go. i'm sure we're having much less sex than other newly wed couples out there. thing is, when we do have the chance to have sex, it's that much more passionate. and i still carry a secret little smile with me remembering the naughty things we've done. i agree with MikenDeanna, i feel that people do focus on sex too much. the advice of this page... telling couples that if they do not have enough quality time to spend together, they should squander what they do have on sex... seems a bit much. i think i would rather cuddle with my hubbie and enjoy his company and warmth with the little time that i do have with him.

by Delusionary on May 13, 2009

There definitely needs to be a balance. For many women, quality time is much more important than sex. For men, sex is a very important part of their lives (not to say that they don't appreciate quality time as well). I tend to agree with the two previous posts. There is a huge amount of emphasis put on sex for newlyweds when there are so many other great things about being married besides steamy sex. The truth is, the sex won't be that great if there isn't a lot of quailty time to go with it.

by courtnjon on May 13, 2009

Lets be honest... Men don't want to cuddle! Trust me, doing interesting things together to "connect" is not the top of a man's list. Ladies, we know this... One of the number one marriage killers, especially from a man's point of view, is a lack of sex or love making... Don't get me wrong there are some men that are never satisfied but they are not the rule. Now that I have accepted this fact, although hard at times, I am trying to do all I can to keep my hubby's attention and keep him satisfied... Some of you may not like this but when our husbands are satisfied and happy there will be no limit to how tremendously happy and satisfied we will be.

by momtobe30 on May 13, 2009

The reality of things is that men are from mars and women are from venus!! Sex is important and so is cuddling and doing other things outside the bedroom. The argument of sex versus simple affection can never be completely concluded upon - what counts is that each couple discusses what is important to THEM and what works for them. Generalizations are very dangerous, so is elevating one's needs above your partner's needs. Making sure your man knows you love to cuddle and making sure you, as a woman, know and understand that your man loves sex and then acting upon this knowledge is the beginning of wedded bliss :-)

by wimlove on May 14, 2009

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